Conservative man in the sack

[haley999]

How does one get a man, who is relatively conservative in bed (as in likes it the way it is not too much variety, positions, toys, etc.) to be a little more adventurous? We have "talked" about it but I think it blew his ego more. I want to be assertive, but not aggressive? Tips?

[Starfall]

I had this same exact problem.

I had to take the lead to change things. I was getting so bored.

Tell him you'd like to try new things, but you have to be the one to start.

Once a week, try something different. Buy books, videos with different positions and show them to him, not as if you're trying to teach him anything... just as a "hey look at this... wouldn't this be fun to try?" You definitely need to be cautious of his ego as that would hurt him and make things worse.

Buy some cute costumes, wigs and spice it up. My husband loved it.

Again, take the lead, communicate your wishes and I'm sure he will respond favorably. He can only benefit from this, but you must show him.. it won't start with him.

[Mrocza]

Take matters into your own hands.

 

Take control!

 

Some guys prefer to "Talk" about doing things, as oppose to doing things...

 

Why don't you try phone sex...and then he can hear what you want, without knowing you're telling him to do it.

 

Or just, as I said, take control yourself. Boss him around, make him do things...

 

He won't mind

[Starfall]

lol... tie him up and make him beg for mercy...

[Derek]

Perhaps say "Tonight, I'm gonna be the leader, this weekend, you be the leader." Give him permission to be the "man" that's inside him. Let him know you expect him to be a man with you. Let him step up and rise to the occasion ('xcuse the pun). If you take the lead all the time, he's not gonna stretch his "being the man" muscles.

 

I wonder if perhaps he's just looking for comfort sex and is satisfied with mediocre. In a way that's selfish and lazy. Is he gonna need some incentive or reward perhaps? Tell him you want to be a woman to his man once in a while. You don't wanna have to be the proverbial man all the time.

 

Have you talked about the issues honestly and matter-of-factly outside the bedroom context? Like at dinner time when there is no pressure to perform? Does he have any fantasies of his own? What about role-playing/costumes? The phone/sex talk is a good start. It's gonna be hard for him if he is conservative in every other aspect of his life. Maybe adding adventures in other areas would help the bedroom too.

Maybe you should take dancing lessons. =)

[haley999]

Derek- we have talked about it outside of the bedroom - the fantasy question was replied to with a "you're it" and that he really didn't need anymore. I don't think he has had much "good sex" in his past. He was taken aback by my "horniness" and ability to orgasm. It's almost like he doesn't think that I enjoy it so he is not going to ask for anything more.

 

He liked the "reverse cowgirl" to put it tackily. That was a FIRST for him and he was 37. I also showed him my vibrator and he was kind of shocked. I put it away because I wasn't sure what type of "shocked" he was.

 

I think any super aggressive move to start would freak him a little.

 

What's a good "beginner" freaky move?

[Derek]

Strange irony in life that the "frisky" girls often get with the conservative guys and the "frisky" guys get with the conservative girls. Perhaps it's all a matter of degree.

 

He responded with the politically correct "you are my fantasy". Safe response. Hmm.

 

"reverse cowgirl" is a pretty good start. Doggy style. Leaning over a chair back, against a wall, spooning, scissors. Forwards, backwards, face to face... it's hard to get into specific positions, it's kinda subjective. Variety is always good. Ease into that stuff. Books and other references work well to give ideas. There are games such as picking cards that can spice up the bedroom with ideas.

 

While I think power tools are quite handy (pun intended), others can be intimidated thinking "well what am I, chopped liver? she can get herself off" That'll need some careful maneuvering to not stomp on the fragile male ego when it comes to sex. (I tend to think that making love is about her pleasure, not about mine, power tools or not).

 

What about changing location? What about dedicating each room in your place with a romp. In the shower, clothes on at first, or the car or a picnic or whatever. What about him going to a hotel restaurant and pretending to not know each other and him "picking you up" and taking you home. Other ideas? Perhaps feeding each other with food? blindfold? (try other senses) Wearing nothing but his white dressy shirt. Wearing nothing but a raincoat and heels. Perhaps getting all dressed up and making him undress you slowly. (Being in pyjamas is too easy!)

 

You're prolly gonna have to be senstive a bit to let him slowly express himself like Madonna says.

 

 

[haley999]

That'll need some careful maneuvering to not stomp on the fragile male ego when it comes to sex. (I tend to think that making love is about her pleasure, not about mine, power tools or not).

 

So right Derek. I sometimes felt that he couldn't understand MY enjoyment from variety and different types of play. I know all men are different, but any real "showstoppers?"

[Derek]

So you have reassured him that you love him and that you really love the sex you've been having and you'd just like to try some new things because you think he'd like it too. You've made it clear you aren't rejecting or criticizing him as a lover (that hurts alot for a guy) but you love him so much you want him to be the best lover he can be.

 

Your body's pleasure is a hobby for both of you to experiment on. You'd like him to become a specialist in your new found hobby.

 

Showstoppers? For him? likely would be things like anal or vibrators or anything "external" to just you and him (whips). But innocuous things found in any household like chocolate syrup wouldn't be over the top. I think if he is reassured that you want him, badly, that he is the best lover ever and you just want to help hone his craft, then I think he might feel "safe" enough to try new things. Think of it as a sports analogy, even professional players getting paid millions need coaching when learning new territory (i.e. your body, your pleasure)

 

 

[monkey1]

Sounds to me he's scared. Scared to think outside the "sex box" he's used to. Maybe he thinks he's gonna be bad or not please you the way you and your vibrator get on or maybe that he's insecure with his own body? I don't know, you probably have a much better idea on this.

 

Either way, everyone here has made some good suggestions. Just take it slow. I haven't had much sex experience (i was a virgin when we got together) and we haven't done much apart from the standard missionary position and some brief oral sex. And as satisfying as that is for me now and that I'm a bit more reserved in the bedroom, he wants to try more positions with me and try and expand our sexual experiences. I'm kinda thinking "errr, I don't know." But he's more than willing to just let things happen at my pace which is nice and that I know he loves and cares about me so that makes me feel safe.

 

Anyway, I hope you take some suggestions here into consideration and I hope that your sex life gets a little more exciting!