Having a bad day :-(

[BigFatMess]

Don't know why. Just feel SO sad and upset. Got that horrible lump in my throat. I miss him so much and just want to pick up the phone. I KNOW I shouldn't. It has only been five days since I have spoken with him. It isn't even that long really. But I feel like I am back at square one. Feeling the hurt, the heartache, wanting to cry.

[I need help]

Hello there,

 

I am sorry that you had a bad day like me. I am so sad too i have been crying on and off all day long. i miss my lost love a lot too. life seems so unhappy. I think death could not be more painful than this. I am new here just post a thread this morning.

 

But please take care of yourself. You are not alone.

[sweetharmony]

breaking up is really difficult. you are going through the pain and unfortunately only time will make the pain easier. it's good you're confronting it and allowing yourself to feel it rather than blocking yourself off emotionally and holding it in. let yourself cry, ache, feel. it's good to come here and just let your emotions out. just don't pick up that phone.

[BigFatMess]

Thanks you guys. No, I won't pick up the phone. It is more a pride thing than anything else. He can live without me. He can live without hearing my voice. thereforeeee I can live without him and hearing his voice. I guess I am also doing it as a punishment thing. My ex is a FANATIC when it comes to "staying friends". He HATES the idea of someone not liking him. It eats him up alive. So, this is my way of hurting him I guess. Probably not particularly healthy, but it works for me.

 

I need help: sorry you are also having a bad day. I read your post. Heartache does suck, but we WILL get through this. That much I know. Stay strong, and keep posting.

[I need help]

Thanks a lot big fat mess, I just started posting it today so at the moment i am feeling better. But every day is different. I can not even sleep well. Every day i pray that no one shoud go throgh this pain.

 

My problem is I am very sensitive person and I hate it.

[BigFatMess]

Yes, every day is different i need help. I couldn't sleep at the start either. Try reading, or watching tv. I found that help. I am still not eating normally, but I think that will come with time too.

 

I have found the best way to feel better is to call a friend, which is what I have just done.

 

I am a sensitive person too, and take everything to heart. I am taking this break up PERSONALLY and blaming myself. I know I have to stop that, but its hard. HE is the one who was in the wrong, but for some reason I feel at fault????

[blender]

Bigfatmess, of course it is NOT your fault, I too kept blaming myself after my heart was broken, with all the thoughts of, "if I had only done this or that"..but that is not REAL life/love... it's only our minds playing tricks on us, afraid to "let go" of what we had "hoped for" and not realizing or accepting what "actually is" and the "facts" are always better to concetrate on instead of the "feelings"..it's okay for us to be "sad" for awhile in life, it builds character and also leads us on to the "right" path for our own happiness... you're doing so great in not contacting him.. if he can't be man enough to love you the right way, then do NOT give him the satisfaction of your "voice", "friendship" or even your "sorrow".. YOU will get through this.. so many of us have, and it's really, really, really great to be on the other side of the heartache now... but it takes time.. and you just have to cry so much, and scream and be sad, and be dramatic, but do NOT contact him.. just feel what you feel and have the self-respect to "let go".. YOU deserve happiness and YOU will have it.. just know that it's tough for now, but not forever.. I promise...

[BigFatMess]

Thanks blender. Your post made me feel okay again.

[BigFatMess]

I am off to another city to start a training course for my new job. I am SO nervous!!!!!! I should be EXCITED, and looking forward to it. Instead, I am SAD, I miss him, and wish he was here to support me and encourage me. I am hoping this course (it is 3 weeks inhouse training) will take my mind off him. That I will be too busy to be sad. Too busy to THINK.

 

He sent me a text last night (he is SUCH a coward) apologising for contacting me but he is missing me. WHAT am I supposed to do with that? Why send me that???? Why isn't he contacting his "soulmate" who he ran to this week?????

 

Argh. I am such an emotional mess. How am I supposed to go on this course and pretend to be a together normal person?????

[shamus]

it will take time

my ex broke up with me in febuary over a stupid argument

blew me off for a month with limited contact. she'd made new friends and kicked me to the curb then she started texting me saying she missed me, only to pull away again. then i was accused of having a new lover, which i didnt 2 weeks later, i find out shes screwing someone.

that was 3 weeks ago. it hurts that we can be thrown away, when they come back as a convience and we dont jump back in right away, we get thrown away.

when you love someone you stick by them through the good and the bad. she never did that for me. always ran.

you deserve someone better. keep going strong. i still have urges to contact her, but i will not. one day she will realize that not only did she lose a good lover, but a good friend as well.

remember that, you are one stpe closer to happiness

[blender]

You're going to do so well, just focus on yourself and please try not to "contact him" or "respond to him" concentrate on the "facts" and not your "feelings' for today.. and as far as wishing you had him there to encourage and support you through this new job, yeah I've been there, so sad, so much pain, so much heartache, but the "courage and class it takes to be there to encourage and support YOURSELF on your OWN.. is so incredibly powerful.. I know I went through it, my ex left me a week before I was starting a huge new job.. I cried every morning in the shower for the first three months.. could barely make it through the day before I'd get in my car and cry all the way home... it was awful, but I kept up "no contact" even after he emailed a few times.. I just concentrated on the "facts" and not my "feelings'.. my feelings were all about the loss of what I "thought" we could have, and what I "dreamed" we were.. not what REALLY WAS, not the "fact" that he made choices that really, really caused me so much heartache.. those "facts" kept me strong enough to "cry on my own, feel my loss, be sad, whatever, but I never contacted him... no way, and it was soooo difficult not to pick up that phone...but for what? What would I get? The same ambivilance once he knew I was right where he wanted me... nope, I was in too much pain to go back for more... and I had my "self" back, little by little, each new day on the job.. as much sadness as I felt, I started to get "stronger/better" without even knowing it, I was so "addicted" to my sadness at one point, I didn't even realize that yes, I WAS moving on... and just about that time he started contacting me again.. and I still loved him, missed him, but those were my "feelings" and I needed them to "match up with the "facts" of our relationship and every time I re-read his emails.. I would stop, think, breath, and "let go" and hang on to ME... not HIM.. but ME... and now he's the one that's thinking.. "I let her get away?" Yep, he did, and ya know what I still miss him sometimes, but I knew that his "actions" spoke so much louder than his words...and that is the "fact"... and I'm so much happier now, never thought I"d say that.. but "no contact" is the BEST, BEST way back to YOURSELF..... because without your own "self" you can never really have a successful relationship with anyone... and when I got back to "me" I saw him in a whole new light.. and it was more realistic and more understanding of what he was truly capable of, and the fact was, he's a grown man, not ready, not able to fully love, and be mature enough for me to feel "safe" being myself with him... and I finally "let go".... and still once in awhile the old feelings haunt me, but not when I remember the 'facts" and also he surfaces every once in awhile with an email.. and I simply ignore them.... you'll get there...

[BigFatMess]

Thanks Blender. Great post. I agree, FACTS not FEELINGS!!!!

 

I have been on my course for work for one week, and it has been fantastic! I have thought about him less, been so busy that I haven't even been tempted to call/text!!!!! The nights are the worst though. And the weekends. Too much thinking time.

 

He has texted me a few times, saying he misses me, he loves me, he wishes I was still with him etc etc etc etc. BUT The fact is, he texts me, but thats it! NO effort. If he really wanted me back, if he really missed me and loved me, he would MAKE AN EFFORT. He is a COWARD just to send a text and I don't know why he does it. Is it to keep me on the line? Is it to keep me feeling stink? Is it so we can be "friends" later on??????? I know for a fact he is getting on with his life and that he is FINE, so why fake it with me and pretend he is devastated! I HATE IT!

 

I am feeling a LOT better about myself and a lot stronger, BUT I have just found out I have a three week course back in the same city as him and am SCARED. I don't know if I have the willpower not to contact him. I still miss him, and love him. I wish those feelings would disappear!!!!

[blender]

Yes, I too had the ex who would "email" and not call, and say "nice things" but it's so easy for ANYONE to say nice things, and it usually makes them feel better about "themselves" and that is why they do it.

 

In time you will know by "no contact" if his "feelings" are real and he will make the right effort to get your attention, you deserve no less, and by you choosing to distance yourself from him you will get what you really, really want..whether it means he's back in your life (the right way) or that you move on and meet some new great guy.

 

You are now making choices based on your standards/values, and that is the road to happiness. You are stronger and it shows, and yes the nights are tough and the weekends tougher, but as long as you maintain no contact, and no responses to his lame attempts (texts) then you will get better, stronger, happier.

 

If he is THEE guy, he will step up to the plate and ask the right question with no 'mystery' attempts attached and that is something clear along the lines of: "I've thought so much about us during this time apart, I have some work to do on myself, and yes, I've made some mistakes, but I miss "us", would you consider giving me another chance?"

 

This is what he has to do, be clear about his intentions, ask a question and not just state his "feelings" of missing you, or whatever he's feeling in a moment..ex's have a way of "feeling something in the moment" and acting on it, regardless of what it does to us, because it's all about them and whatever selfish instinct they are responding to, to get thier "fix". This is temporary, so you are wise not to respond to these texts at all.

 

This is about the life long love, and that is what you are looking for, and deserve. Anything less, is simply that.. less... and you deserve a guy who will cherish you enough to risk his own pride and step up to the plate in the right way... this is love.

 

This is the ONLY way to build a relationship with him or more importantly one with a YOU, keep up the no contact, you're doing so great.