Not investing myself enough...

[lillady898]

I'm currently in a relationship with a really great guy. I've known him for 4 years. I dated him a while back, we mutually grew apart during a few changes, and then back in February our flame was fanned and we decided we still just can't get enough of eachother.

 

We're long distance (2.5 hours) due to different college choices, but we make it work, even though our transportation is temporarily nonexistant (gotta' love cars). We talk about two to four times a week, which is more than enough for us, and occasionly we send little gifts. He does what he can to make me happy, and vice versa.

 

But lately, I've been feeling a little distant from the relationship. Almost as if I'm not completely invested in the relationship. Now I would never cheat, that's just totally wrong.

 

Sure, we have a few occasional arguments, but nothing too bad. Communication is great. If I knew what was wrong with me, I'd tell him, but I just don't know. I can't pinpoint it.

 

I feel frustrated in this relationship, even though he really is a person I could see myself with for an extended amount of time, and I would absolutely hate to lose him. I can't help but feel bad, because he's really happy and has really gone out of his way a lot for me. It doesn't seem fair to him.

 

I don't know where to go with this. I don't understand why I can't be into the relationship, when I feel into him.

[goddess23]

you seem extremely confused, however, one thing is clear: at this point you are not 100% invested in this relationship and that is unfair to the both of you. now i dont believe in breaks, because that implies that you will get back together. and there should never be that guarentee because then you will have these strings attached to the break period where you are unsure what you can and cannot do. it is simply a dumb idea. i would advise you tell him how you're feeling and probably break up. however, it is clear you are very attached and this is a serious relationship but maybe the strain is too great. i think you need to experience new things, who knows maybe hes feeling the same way. and if you stay in this relationship you will be tempted to cheat or do things that may not be cheating but your bf probably wouldnt be too happy about.

[Momene]

Can you arrange to spend a holiday together in the near future? It could be that it's the distance issue that's causing the problems. If you still feel the same when you're physically in the same place, then you do need to address your feelings.

[lillady898]

Thanks for the replies!

 

That's kind of the thing that gets at me. I know that when we're near eachother, all of those feelings of not being invested in the relationship disappear. The moment I see him, I just melt. We spent time together in March, and I was completely into our relationship for the whole week. But our relationship is going to be long-distance for the next 4 years at the least, possibly more.

 

There's a 75% chance I'll see him for a weekend in three weeks. I know how I'm gonna' feel. It's going to feel great. Until he leaves again.

 

I have communicated to him the fact that I am frustrated with not having him around, and only seeing him once every two or three months. He said, "I know, I am too. I wish you could just come here next year." I can't, though, for two reasons. 1. My program of study is at my current university, and 2. I promised myself that I will never switch schools for a boyfriend, regardless of my feelings for him (been there, done that, huge mistake). Him coming here isn't an option, due to his program of study.

 

Awesome long-distance relationships.