Advice please

[joseph_heller]

A "Hi" to everyone as I'm new to these boards. I'd be very grateful for some advice on a problem (if anyone here has, indeed, experienced such a problem). To be brief, I have been in a relationship with someone I met on the net for a year now. We are in love. The situation is, however, that we spend most of our time on the phone as we live so far away from each other, although, still in the same country. I have met her several times when we have had a physical/sexual relationship. I love her dearly and care about her soooo much, yet, here is the problem: maybe, because of the new-age world that we live in, this problem maybe hardly existed before such technology as the internet. The problem is that I am not *sexually* attracted to this woman I am in love with, and I don't know what to do about it or what to think, really. Is it even a problem as we love each other. Big question, I know, but your advice and experience would be very welcome.

[tkdmask]

Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away. If you like her, make your move, life is short.

 

Women outnumber men in this world already, soon, women will not be able to find a man without joining another women on the same guy.

[winkie]

I think maybe you love her becuase you now her as aperson and that is what you are in love with. As for the attraction......they say you need to be with someone that you can grow old and communicate with.....but I am sure the intimacy is a big part...is she not attractive or you just dont feel that sexual connection??

[joseph_heller]

A big thank you to swing, winkie and mask. Winkie, she is attractive, but not my type, really. I sometimes feel guilty about it which is probably somewhat illogical. It's purely a visual thing. I'm mostly sexually attracted to thin women, which she isn't, really, and there's not a lot I can do about my sexual preferences, so it seems. But I do love her, and I don't know if I can be her friend because I feel protective towards her and I want to be with her and hear from her all the time. We get along so well and I do want to grow old with her and all the things associated with love. However, my first contact with her was over the net and I discovered that, in real life, although she is attractive, one man's meat and all (excuse the expression). I just am not sexually aroused. I thought love is all that counted but now, being in this mess, I do wonder. I am fully aware of her feelings and they are extremely important to me. I just don't know what to make of this relationship. I think we are both going to get hurt and I am wondering if the mature decision here would be just to let each other drift on. I guess there is no painless conclusion to any relationship, but if I have no sexual desire for this person, then I guess that is too significant to continue. Would you agree with this???

[winkie]

You need the vavavavoom it is just something about someone that draws you to them. It is not being shallow that you are not attracted to her physically but you need to decide what you are going to do. You may not want to push her away as a friend. You need to think about what you are going to do because my guess is she will be hurt more than you and it is only fair that you be truthful to her. It is sad that you care about this person so much and cant be with her. There has been many people that I have loved as a person but could not be with them on an intimate level. I wish you luck and you can pm me if you need anything else.

 

PS I bet you dont know your type but you know when someone is not your type...

[joseph_heller]

Thanks again, Winkie. I'm coming to the conclusion there is going to be hurt, regardless. I don't think it is possible to be friends. We love each other. We have intimacy and cherish each other, however, sexually, it just isn't working very well, and I am sexually encouraging myself, when I shouldn't be, really. I sincerely don't think she would cope with just being my friend (nor me for that matter). This whole relationship leaves me sad.

 

Btw, I appreciate your point about type. I guess we are sexually attracted to different types and the types we are not sexually attracted to, probably fit a smaller bracket. Yep, I suppose it would be easier to say what doesn't do it for you rather than what does.