How do i get over him?

[Karibo]

The other night I cried for an hour and a half, part of me feeling those feelings which I had assumed had disappeared forever of feeling like i needed him there with me to hold me and partly through a sense of happiness that I am experiencing that feeling of fondness towards him and have accepted that we are over.

 

I

[robowarrior]

What led to you two breaking up, your drewling all over how much you love him, and how this split was unavoidable, but it leaves everyone asking 'why did they break up?' its important because it will determine how you will have to move on in your life, without that information its hard to give solid advice.

[Karibo]

We were what relationship counsellors call 'intimacy avoiders'. He had a bad childhood where he was neglected so he was so scared to 'need' me and thereforeeee commit to me (as in no cheating) that whenever we got close, he would immediately start arguments to push me away again. Then because he wouldn't commit, I would try to move on by finding another guy, then he'd want me back again. We both ended up cheating on each other because it was like both of us were too scared of needing each other too much (me because he'd hurt me before).

 

It was like he kept ending it before I would end it, like he was scared I would neglect him, so he'd do it first, but then it just kept happening over and over. It was a case of 'can't live with/can't live without' and over the months our connection through this behaviour made us want to be together even more, but at the same time feel more scared of being rejected by each other and hurt again.

 

Our relationship was basically both of us wanting the other to say 'I really want to be with you' but we were both to scared to let our guard down. It's like we were both thinking, 'I'm too scared to need you so much, so I'll get some of my needs met elsewhere.' It was like, the stronger we felt for each other,the more we got scared and backed off before getting close again, and it was gradually building and building, until one day it just snapped and I couldn't take it anymore.

 

Basically our cheating was a self-defence mechanism by keeping enough distance between each other so that if break-up occurred it would feel less painful as we were getting some of our needs met elsewhere.

 

Well, it didn't really work, and now that I ended it once and for all, it still hurts like hell at times, and he has always tried to get me back as he is hurting like hell too.

 

Please don't make judgements about us. I simply want to know how I can get over him and stop thinking about him so much. Thanks

[Karibo]

I can't take it anymore! Tonight I've been extremely stressed out and panicky about all this! It's dawned on me that over the past year and a half I have thought about him constantly! I cannot get him off my mind - it's like im obsessed! Why are we still feeling so strongly for each other? It's doing my head in soooo much! Part of me feels like just giving in and going back to him, but I can't because my friends all hate him and we cheated on each other with friends/family (to try and make each other hate each other enough to not go back to one another) and we will just get hurt all over again. I am obsessing so much, he's put on two stone because he has felt this break up as strongly as i have! My God whenever we see each other it's like we both still feel the same and he tries to start it all over again as if nothing bad has happened. I soooo badly want him and I don't know why! can't take it anymore!