Do I have a problem?

[Khollest]

So, a little background…

In high school I wasn't very social, I didn't have any problems talking to people I just didn't engage. Post high school I attended a tech school (couldn't afford out-of-state), Classes are not rotating and I spent 2 years with the same 23 guys. My work for this duration (2001-2006) was at a machine shop, all men in the shop. What I am getting at here is I have very little active experience with dealing with women. I have been described as having a mind like a bear trap, It goes in but I might not understand the significance of what is/has happened until its too late. By my own families account "I am clueless to women". The signals they 'send' I don't decipher until hours later, its not like I consciously think about it either.

 

In 2003 I discovered that I had gathered a reputation for "pulling out of doing things at the last minute", I heard this when I went to my buddies place for July 4th (He and others were surprised). In my desire to wipe this rep away I set one of the only goals I can say I met. I went to every party or gathering I was invited to (Tougher than it sounds). So, as I attend these gatherings I eventually start hanging out with a group of friends independent of my normal circles. In one group, 5 of us went to Halloween in Madison in 2004. During this trip, I spent a bulk of my time with a woman named Melissa.

 

Madison is always fun, but for some reason I thought of her allot that week and the following weeks. I've had no experience with women; so, I interpreted this as just infatuation. So, I keep going to my buddy's house periodically, his girlfriend is best buddies/roomies with Melissa, so she's was sometimes around.

 

After Mifflin st. In Madison, On May 3rd I caught E-coli and was hospitalized for a month and bed ridden for another month. I had to cancel my 21st birthday party and celebrate my birthday in the hospital during the first week of my stay. I went to my buddy's house in September but, had to leave at 2am because my colostomy broke, I then had to drive 2 hours home. Not wanting to risk that again, I didn't go to my buddies place again (or since). Then in December for the reversal surgery, I spent Christmas in the hospital.

 

I've wanted to go to my buddies place and have a good time but I can't. I've got (as of now) 2 weeks to find and job and buy a place (renting is for suckers).

 

Now to why I think I may have a (couple) problem(s).

I have had what I think is an infatuation with this Melissa for almost 2 years. I recently saw a photo of her (buddies birthday) and for some reason I felt crushed. I don't know why, it tore me apart. I can't discern if it is something more meaningful than depression. Since my release from my multiple hospital stays, not more than a couple hours can pass without me thinking about it (hospital). Since seeing the photo of her, it invades my thoughts…

 

I don't know… Thoughts, comments?

[phaseone]

It sounds like you have a big crush for Melissa or that you haven't spent time with other girls to determine if this infactuation is more then that. What I would suggest is going on and continuing to meet new people. You've made the effort already and it sounds like you are building your social network.

 

If this Melissa girl really sinks into your mind, I'd follow up with a phone call to say hello and catch up on things. You'll be able to determine if there is a positive rapport and perhaps setup a coffee date with her?

 

Good Luck!

[Alabama]

Do you find the photo too beautiful and think you don't stand a chance with her? Do you happen to know if Melissa has any feelings for you? I wouldn't just give up yet, I mean besides finding a job and a place to live, there is still time for you to find this girl. I know you said it takes you a while to figure out information processed, but if you can think about it and know there is a chance with this girl, than why not ask her out?

[Khollest]

If this Melissa girl really sinks into your mind, I'd follow up with a phone call to say hello and catch up on things. You'll be able to determine if there is a positive rapport and perhaps setup a coffee date with her?

Thats it though, I've been out of the loop awhile. I don't know if It would seem as I am coming out of left feild. I've thought about asking Melissa's roomie (by buddy, Collans GF) what her situation is, if I have even a shot but, I don't know her all that well.

 

To put this into perspective on how out of the loop I am; I was a frequent to Collans place almost every weekend. Then, I got sick and stopped going. Collan told me that people literally thought I was dead... literally (I almost did die but thats besides the point)

 

Do you find the photo too beautiful and think you don't stand a chance with her? Do you happen to know if Melissa has any feelings for you? I wouldn't just give up yet, I mean besides finding a job and a place to live, there is still time for you to find this girl. I know you said it takes you a while to figure out information processed, but if you can think about it and know there is a chance with this girl, than why not ask her out?

 

Anyone I've ever had any degree of infatuation with, I've never thought they were "too beautiful" or better than me (or any comparison for that matter). I don't know if she has anything for me and thats where I am getting tripped up. It is possible that the signal was sent but, I didn't receive it. I am not really all that worried about my need for a job or house, oddly. But this is messing me up. I will always think there is a chance, even if there isn't one... I don't know.

 

I have a minor mental block that is another buddy of mine, Joe. His presense (less than me) usually kills any brovado I may have. I don't know, Hes a good guy and all but, every girl I've ever liked it seems as if he sensed it (cause lets face it, 90% of guys don't talk about this) and swooped in ans stole the show. In the back of my head, I don't know if he is even in the picture. Its just that A majority of the time I am hanging out and Joe is around, the women usually go after him or express some kind of crush... I don't know.

 

Thanks for listening guys, your suggestions are appreciated.

[Alabama]

I hope the advice proves useful. Good luck!