New Friend I'm Interested In: Next Step?

[Prufrock06]

So to make a long story short, I sent a message to this guy on a dating website who I went to the same college with and how now lives in my area. We only had a brief chat on AIM last Sunday and I would see him online sporadically throughout the week but was too nervous to IM him to talk with him (for numerous self-conscious reasons that I've gone into in other posts). So I sent him an email this past Friday but haven't heard from him yet -- haven't really seen him online either, but then I've had a busy week and weekend.

 

I guess I'm just kinda infatuated with this guy -- he seems to be everything I'm looking for and from his profile we have a lot in common. Also, our chat was nice but it was kinda cut short because he was cleaning his house and so I suggested that we chat later. He said that we would "chat soon" and told me to "take care" -- I guess I just need to learn to take these words at face value instead of trying to insinuate that they are some passive way of saying "so long -- see ya!" I even saved the IM conversation and look over it from time to time -- which is something I NEVER do!, haha

 

So I'm thinking about IMing him the next time I see him online, but I don't want to come accross as desperate or stalkerish (which, I suppose, in some way I am, LOL!). I just would really like to make a new friend at the very least, and he certainly is looking for friends as well, which is maybe why I have so much invested in this brand new friendship at the moment. I just really wanna get to know this guy and I hope he does too.

 

How do I handle this with tact and maturity and show that I'm interested without frightening him off?

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Pru

[keenan]

Ok, just the facts: You IMed him a week ago and had a friendly but brief chat. He cut it off because he was cleaning. He hasn't IMed you back. On Friday you emailed him, and he hasn't written you back. You know he's been online b/c you've seen him, but he hasn't contacted you.

 

 

 

If I were you I'd take a deep breath and sit on my hands for a few more days. From my perspective you pretty much only get one more shot to contact him first without starting to look like a stalker (an arbitrary 'rule of 3' that makes sense to me for some reason, lol). Since you only have one more chance before you start to look needy, don't rush it. If you contact him now and he doesn't get back to you, then what're you going to do?? No reason to back yourself into a corner so soon.

 

I'd wait at least until Wednesday...maybe longer, and then initiate something again. Hopefully by then he will have replied to your e-mail.

 

But the question is, what do you do next time you contact him: Do you play it cool and be very light and casual, or do you be more direct and ask him he wants to hang out sometime--like, next weekend?

 

Honestly, I don't know. What does your gut tell you? Does he seem like he could be scared off, or is he more easy going than that?

[Prufrock06]

Keenan,

 

My gut tells me that I'm probably over-reacting and there is a perfectly logical reason why he hasn't responded to my email yet -- as he seems like a very easygoing person. Also, the decision to cut short the chat was mutual. He said he was cleaning, I said we can chat later, he said that it would probably be less annoying for me to chat later since he was multitasking. So it's not like I was just cut off or anything; he didn't say "I'm cleaning. Let's talk later" or anything like that.

 

Does this change things at all?

[keenan]

Yeah, I think so. Glad to hear he's mellow--that makes it much better. I'd still wait a day or so and see if he replies to your email (if it was the kind of email that warranted a response). How about Tuesday instead of Wednesday?

 

Hopefully some other folks will chime in, too.