3 Somes

[Momene]

Every few months this comes up on the BBC board. I'm new here, so i don't know if it's come up before.

 

Many people, in and out of relationships, are turned on by the idea of having 2 partners in bed and/or sharing their partner with another.

 

The general consensus is that it's fun if you're not involved with anyone. If you are, fantasise about it, even together but don't do it.

 

Some who've tried it enjoy it, most don't and those in relationships say they wish they hadn't.

 

I've never tried it.

 

What do you think?

[PRSOV]

If your single and it's your style of having fun, then why not? Everybody does fantasize about it, and the majority of people who say they don't are lying... I think it is really up to the person and what turns them on! Other than that... what does it matter?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I can honestly say I have NEVER wanted a threesome. It just seems outright peculiar to me, and Im a fairly kinky person.

 

I would vomit if I saw my partner having sex with someone else. If I had to have a threesome, it'd be when I was single and not *attached* to either of the other two people...but what'd be the point of that, as Id have to be unattracted to both of them, meaning it wouldnt be much fun.

[shes2smart]

If you do a thread search on "threesomes" you'll find several pages of threads on the topic & related topics:

 

I think there's such a long list of criteria for a threesome to go well that, for most people in most situations, it's not a good idea in reality...no matter how appealing the fantasy is.

 

The same could be said for many so-called "alternative" relationship styles (such as swinging, polyamory, BDSM, etc.) come to think of it....

[southerngirl]

I know personally of two married couples who did this 'swinging' thing and it caused major problems. My aunt is now going through a divorce of her 22 year marraige all because her and her husband invited another man into their relationship. Then she felt love for both men... and husband asked her to choose... in the end my uncle has now filed for a divorce and I hear its getting NASTY too.

I feel torn because I love both of them even though shes my aunt by blood I love him does that make sense?

 

I would never share my husband with anyone.... and I wouldnt cheat on him either. its a choice.

 

My mom used to allways say before she died ... .... Dont ever ever invite another person into your bedroom its a big mistake.

[latina07]

I HATE THE IDEA OF 3 SOMES. IM OLD FASHIONED! TO ME SEX IS FOR TWO PEOPLE THAT ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND WANT TO EXPRESS THEIR LOVE PHISICALLY. TRUST ME IM NOT A BIT OF A SAINT IN BED. BUT TO ME THAT'S FINE. YOU CAN BE AS CREATIVE AND DIRTY IN BED AS YOU WANT. BUT!!!! with YOUR PARTNER. THANK GOD MY BOYFRIEND SHARES THE SAME THOUGHT. IF YOU FEEL YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A 3 SOME, DON'T, IF YOU ARE CURIOUS ABOUT IT AND WANT TO EXPERIENCE IT, GO AHEAD BUT NOT WITH UR BF. (DON'T GO AND CHEAT EITHER, WAIT TO BE SINGLE). IF IT'S UR BF ASKING YOU FOR IT, THEN HE IS NOT THE RIGHT GUY TO BE WITH. CAUSE GUYS CAN FANTASIZED ABOUT IT BUT IF THEY RESPECT THEIR GF THEY WON'T ASK FOR IT. MY BEST FRIEND WENT OUT WITH A GUY FOR 4 YEARS. THIS GUY WOULD ALWAYS ASK HER FOR ONE AND SHE WOULD SAY NO. BUT ONE DAY SHE DID IT AND SHE DID LIKED THE IDEA OF THE 3 SOME BUT DID NOT LIKE THAT HER MAN WAS MOSTLY INTERESTED IN DOING THE OTHER GIRL THAN HER. IT WASN'T LIKE A 3 SOME, IT WAS MORE LIKE A DISGUISED OPORTUNITY 2 CHEAT. SO BE CAREFUL AND KEEP UR RELATIONSHIPS THE OLD FASHIONED RESPECTFUL WAY, AND IF YOU WANT TO GET FREAKY OR EXPERIENCE DO IT WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T WANT TO GET SERIOUS WITH EVER.

[Momene]

So seems like the consensus is don't share yourself or your other half.

[shes2smart]

So seems like the consensus is don't share yourself or your other half.

 

That would appear to be the general opinion of the population of folks posting on this board at this time....which is just a fraction of a percent of the population of the world. If I can be nosy, what brings up the question? If you're asking because of a situation in your life, the only opinions that matter would be those of yourself and the other 2 parties involved.

 

Bringing sex into a relationship between two people tends to make that relationship more complex. Adding a third person brings new dimensions & levels of complexity. It changes the whole dynamic. Some people can handle that. Some can't. Some think they can and then find out differently. Sometimes what's ok with 3 specific people wouldn't be ok if you changed out one person. Sometimes a good time will be had by all. Sometimes, in hindsight, it'll have been more trouble than it's worth.

 

If it's something you want to experience for yourself, then don't rule it out just because a lot of other people wouldn't go there. I think if you have a good sense of yourself, know what you're looking to get out of the experience, are honest and open about your intentions, health status, feelings & agenda with the other 2 people, are willing to work through whatever issues & feelings come up with any parties involved and seek out 2 partners who do the same, then you've got a better chance of it being a good experience than a bad one...for yourself at any rate.

 

That's just the short list of criteria for things to go well. Like I said before, I think the list of conditions for a 3 way to go well is so long that most people in most situations won't be able to meet all those conditions. Even if you get a combination of folks that does everything "right," there's still no guarantee.

 

But, there's no guarantee on anything in life, is there?

[Momene]

The only reason I brought it up is that it comes up often on the BBC board and I wanted to know what people here thought. Some people on the BBC board had tried it but hardly anyone found it a positive experience, even though the thought of it turned them on before.