Trying to get a female friend to back off

[Doctor Smurf]

Hi all. I've known this girl for about a year and a half, and when we first met in college she was obviously attracted to me, and pretty much asked me out. Not often that happens to me I know, but in about two weeks certain members of staff attemtped to cut us off for legitimate and obvious reasons - I was fourteen, she seventeen.

 

Since then we rarely see each other but hardly a day goes by when we don't text her, I've tried so many times to stop her being sexual towards me because I don't feel that way about her anymore. I want to stay in contact with her, but just not like that!

 

I tried to bring it up last night by text, and it ended up something like: (From her)

 

I really feel a lot for you, and I know we can't be, not at the moment but ow do you feel?

 

I responded by telling her that I thought we where best as good friends, and that when ever we have done anything sexual together we end up obsessing over whether it was "right" or not afterwards.

 

The reply was simple: "Fine, be like that. Good night."

 

She has since apologised, which I'm happy to accept, but I really want to not be so physical with her!

How can I tell her that, whilst not being unkind about it? ](*,)

 

Thanks so much!

[SilverManic]

You need to tell her streight out. Look I don't want to hurt your feelings, I like you as a friend and nothing more. There is only one way you can put it, if she is being childish about the situation I'm afraid there is nothing you can do.

I'm probably not the best person to advise this situation because I've never been in it but I can tell you at 19 years old you go though a hell of a lot of changes and it's a difficult time to go though emotionally. Chances are she's got this perfect picture in her head that she just can't seem to lose.

You need to make it clear that all you want is to be friends.

Good Luck,

~S.

[RandomAdvisor]

I think you've already clearly made your point, and although she didn't like it, she understood what you were saying. Unless she makes further advances at you, talking to her about this further shouldn't be necessary. If talking to her about it does become necessary though, I think more or less what you said last time was fine. However, I think doing it via voice chat or even in person would be better than text. And if she still pursues you after even another talk, then it would be time to drop her as a friend, because it would be clear at that point that being just friends isn't enough for her.

[Doctor Smurf]

Thank you both very much!

 

Well I've been through it with her several times before, but never had such a reply from her in the past. I think if she doesn't take it from this and comes back in the same fashion I'll just have to do as SilverManiac says.

 

And I do take your point about the disadvantages of text, I'll definatly take that one on board!

Thanks again.