Questions we girls wonder

[dontknowwhattodo]

Hi there, my friend and I were talking about things and we are wondering why guys behave the ways they are. We don't mean to generalize to all guys but at least the guys whom my friend and I have been dating make us wonder the following:

 

1. When we first date, guys tend to be soooo nice. After a while (e.g., 5-6 months), they change. Why is that and what should we girls do?

 

2. What should we girls do during the honeymoon phase? We know that if we don't give in much then the guys may think that we are not interested. But if we give in, then we get too attached and eventually get hurt when the guys become distant.

 

3. Once the honeymoon phase is over, there is usually a discussion of whether to get serious or to be apart. We both (my friend and I) were told by the guys we dated that they were not sure if they wanted to get serious with us. As a result, we were hurt, pulled away and tried to get over. Then the guys would come and say "well, may be we should keep this going and see what develops". Why is it and should we give it another try?

 

Any insight for guys (and girls) are very welcome. Thank you very much.

[tyler711]

Once the honeymoon phase is over, there is usually a discussion of whether to get serious or to be apart. We both (my friend and I) were told by the guys we dated that they were not sure if they wanted to get serious with us.

 

You are referring to a honeymoon after marriage, correct? I've never, ever heard of a single instance from a guy where he dated, married, went on a honeymoon then had a discussion whether or not to get serious. Usually people are serious when they get married. Sorry, just confused. =/

[NR498E]

LOL...Those are some awesome questions.Unfortunatley I can't give you any answers because I don't know.If you took those three questions and fliped them so they were coming from a guys point of view you would have my top three.

Ahh...The dating game what fun it is.

[dontknowwhattodo]

Sorry for the confusion. Honeymoon phase refers to the period after girl and guy have been dating for a while, usually after a few months.

[tyler711]

Okay, I will attempt to answer from my own beliefs and experiences.

 

1. When we first date, guys tend to be soooo nice. After a while (e.g., 5-6 months), they change. Why is that and what should we girls do?

 

I think this is normal for every relationship. Girls do it too! When I first met my fiancee, I brought flowers all the time, went out on dates, wrote a lot of love letters, and was really mushy. I still do these things, but not as much. I think guys do this to initially attract their partner. I'm not a bad person for doing it less, we have just settled into a comfortable routine. Maybe you can change this by trying new things, breaking out of a routine and complacency.

 

2. What should we girls do during the honeymoon phase? We know that if we don't give in much then the guys may think that we are not interested. But if we give in, then we get too attached and eventually get hurt when the guys become distant.

 

A committed relationship HAS to be atleast 60/40. You put in 60% and expect your partner to put in 40%. You will get back what you put in, and if you don't then you have to compromise to fix the problem, or leave. Guarding your feelings and not getting too attached is no way tobe in a relationship. If it ends you're going to be hurt either way, so you might as well give it your all.

 

3. Once the honeymoon phase is over, there is usually a discussion of whether to get serious or to be apart.

 

I'm still a little confused. You mean after dating for a few months,there is talk of getting more serious? I don't have an answer for that. It's up to your discretion. I don't know how serious you are talking but... Can you picture yourself with this person in 10 years? Married? If this person were in a car accident andwere in a coma, would you stay by their side? You have to listen to what your heart and your head tell you, and find a mutual answer between the two.

[tmp0620]

Alright, I have no dating experience at all, but I'm going to take a stab at this anyway....

 

Answer for question #1

 

I think guys change after a few months because they feel comfortable and no longer feel like they have to try super hard to keep you around. By that time there's usually a pretty strong bond between two people, so neither person tries as hard to please the other. They're super nice at first because, like tyler said, they're trying to attract you.

 

Answer for question #2

 

This is a tougher one for me to answer... but I think the best thing to do is to try your best to remain independent. The important thing is (like you mentioned) probably to not get too "attached". Don't be clingy. Don't act like you couldn't survive without him. Don't make yourself inferior, if the feelings are mutual between you then you should both be acting the same we toward each other. Don't be clingy and don't be distant. Give in... but just not TOO much.

 

Answer to question #3

That one's just too foreign to me, I have no good answer to that one.

[Tigris]

I think Tyler sums up the situation perfectly.

 

This person is not ready for a committed relationship. He just wants to have fun. There is no way possible that's going to change his mind. I think it would be a good idea from now on not to have this kind of discussion with any guy. It's better just to drift into the relationship more deeply than to say is it 'this or that?' Guys tend to freak out when commitment is mentioned. My advice is stop trying to put them on 'the spot' to make decisions. Don't forget that guys aren't as mature as us girls!

[Momene]

I've found a lot of girls behave that way, too. Also it is typical of behaviour of people in their teens and early 20s. People with more experience of life and relationships are more clear in what they want and what they don't.

 

If you want to date with the objective of finding a life partner, rather than as an enjoyment in itself, look for blokes who are more mature.

 

Good luck.

[serve_the_people]

Guys change because they fall in and out of love way to easily. A couple of times after seeing a girl, they fall deeply in love with her, but those feelings won't last long because they are build on infactuation and not real friendship. Its better to be friends first so you can see how that person really is over the long term. I suggest you be friends for atleast 6 months before entering into a romantic relationship with someone.

[Momene]

Guys change because they fall in and out of love way to easily. A couple of times after seeing a girl, they fall deeply in love with her, but those feelings won't last long because they are build on infactuation and not real friendship. Its better to be friends first so you can see how that person really is over the long term. I suggest you be friends for atleast 6 months before entering into a romantic relationship with someone.

Sorry that won't work. If someone else asks them out within that 6 months, you can miss your chance. You have to strike while the iron is hot.