monsieur Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 It is so against my nature to feel comfortable joking and I am so quickly deemed as boring when with a girl, that I have no confidence. I have confidence in my looks as girls ask me out sometimes and I get initial good response, but I overwhelmingly blow it after a date or two. Too boring, too nice, hear those things all the time. So my lack of confidence is based on very real experience. I'm thinking I should probably just accept it and stay single. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Hey monsieur- Welcome to ENA! What "very real experience" shot your confidence to hell????? Link to comment
monsieur Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 well, it wasn't just one experience I find it easy to get the first date with very pretty women, I have been asked out many times (which I read on here is supposed to be so unnatural for a start), but I am still very very shy deep to my core, and find it very hard to be relaxed and funny just doesn't come out when you are shy and nervous.... thereforeeee I often bore the girl to tears and without confidence to actually have some game I usually blow it and often the first date is the last, or for sure the second date. Friendzone comes more often than not, probably because of women's natural tendency to be nice to nice guys. So it is a case of blowing it when even the girl has proven that she is very interested (ie. actually asking me out) that has ruined my confidence..... I wish I was less shy and more a "life of the party" type of person that can carry a fun time without being so boring. Link to comment
monsieur Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 worst thing is, my previous relationships were always started under the influence of lots of alcohol, but I am a little older now and don't drink much at all, so getting blacked out on booze just to hook up is not an option, plus it was not a very good way to start quality relationships anyways... more dysfunctional right from the start. Maybe I need to get on mood drugs from the doctor to cure my shyness and lack of confidence, but it seems so wrong and unhealthy to get on drugs.... I somehow doubt that prozac makes a person more interesting anyway, so I'll pass on that idea. So here I am, drug and booze free, but a real boring person to date. Link to comment
Tigris Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 You need to make friends with girls first and then move onto relationships with them. That way they already know what your personality is like. Don't forget practice makes perfect! Good luck Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Yes, become friends with them first and also, you might try telling them what's going on up front as this might take some pressure off. I think you are trying too hard in this regard and should simply care less about being the "life of the party", etc... Link to comment
monsieur Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 omg this is too funny, that is exactly what I just went through in the last couple of months and absolutely messed it up so bad it is not funny made good friends with a girl, really fell for her, but she got very firmly in friendzone, I tried to hint my affection and it kind of went ok, but she never really let it go any further, and I really blew it by letting her know the other day that I was interested in more, and she really took offence...... looking back at it I totally must have ignored all the golden rules of flirt/counterflirt and all the other romantic steps that have to work, she would never return that stuff so I should never have said I was interested in more..... I blew it big time The problem is that even this friend relationship has really damaged my confidence and self esteem, if I had better game and been a more natural flirty affection type person I may not have failed as miserably as I did. So I am even worse off psychologically than I was six months ago before befriending this girl (I still am totally smitten with her, but I realize it will never be a love that is returned... totally due to my own shortcomings, which gives me the reality check that I am unworthy). And now my friendship with her seems tainted as she seems to feel that my friendship was just a long term plan to try and get with her. Life sucks. Link to comment
ves Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I wish I was less shy and more a "life of the party" type of person that can carry a fun time without being so boring. FWIW I find that guys that are the "life of the party" tend to be self-absorbed. Not all girls are attracted to them! It's exhausting for many people to keep up that kind of lifestyle. I prefer a nice chat over dinner where I can learn how the guy is normally. After all, life's not a party, at least not all the time. Link to comment
monsieur Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 I know what you are saying, but I used the life of the party thing as a bit of an exaggeration. My problem is that I am more of a listener, I can carry on a conversation with a very conversational girl, but I am not a story-teller and until I really really get comfortable (months) with someone I am not able to comfortably pull off a joking kind of attitude. So a first date or two with me can be pretty boring unless the girl is a talk a mile a minute type. Guess I should stick with those types of girls, but my experience finds the most outgoing girls really like even more outgoing kinds of guys. Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Go take a class on stand up comedy. Local college. Meet chicks. Win. What more do you need to know? Link to comment
knglerxt Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 well, it wasn't just one experience I find it easy to get the first date with very pretty women, I have been asked out many times (which I read on here is supposed to be so unnatural for a start), I'm trying to figure out how you get very pretty women asking you out. I've been told I'm a good looking guy. I get looks from girls all the time, but I never get approached. What's your secret? Link to comment
monsieur Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I don't think there is a secret, just time..... it only happens once or twice a year. One past girlfriend that I thought was totally intimidated by her looks that I wouldn't have dared to ask her actually came up to me one day and said she had tickets to this event and would I like to go with her, I actually did end up with her for a long while. Almost a year ago a really hot girl that again I was scared of got her friend to set up a double date with my buddy and me, so it was indirectly being asked out by her through a set up by mutual friends. The last one a couple months ago actually came right out and said we should go dancing to the clubs and wrote out and handed me her phone number. I ended up not calling her back for some stupid reason. So like I said there is no secret, it is just a matter of giving it time and maybe a girl that likes your look notices you and it just happens. The part where I screw it up comes after that ](*,) Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Sometimes people take shyness, as a person being stuck up and snobby. You need to break out of your shell and put yourself out there a little at a time. Do not become discouraged by your past. Build on that and then take action. You are shy, ok. Talk to 1 new person each day. Even if it is just to say hello to a stranger. After awhile, you will not be so timid to meet new people. Think of this as well, we all put protective layers up to insulate from rejection. My protective mechanism- humour Link to comment
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