Is my exboyfriend just naive?

[mystik]

I'm not even sure where to post this... but here's the deal.

 

Sorry for making this so long!

 

my ex broke up with me three weeks ago because he had started falling for his best girl friend (he started falling for her a month earlier). They spend lots of time together since he's her "confidante" and he's there for her when she's literally crying about all the guys who treat her badly. I'm going to call her Tanya. He also has another best girl friend, Nicole, who is, and has been best friends with Tanya since elementary school. I never worried about Nicole since she has a boyfriend, who is best my ex's best guy friend. Sorry if this is confusing but basically they're like this happy group of four. They even all live on the same floor on campus residence.

 

When my ex first broke up with me, I asked him if anyone knew that it was because he had fallen for Tanya and he said yes, that Nicole knew. Apparently during that month he had confided in Nicole because he didn't know what to do, and needed someone to talk to. I told him that he is REALLY naive if he thinks that Nicole had NOT told her BESTFRIEND SINCE THE AGE OF FIVE, that he had fallen for Tanya. He hesistated, then said "No, I'm sure Nicole hasn't told Tanya, because she would not want to mess anything up." I asked him what he meant by that and he said that for the whole year before he had met me, and started dating me, that Nicole was always sayings things like "Oh you and Tanya belong together!! you guys should totally get married!!" and to Tanya she would say the same thing since they were all always together anyway. This was before my ex and I met/started dating. I then said "why would you tell me this?" and he said "oh it's not like Nicole pressured me to break up with you" and I said "I didn't say that - You did." Then I asked "Are you sure Tanya doesn't know?" and he said "yes, because we spent a lot of time together before our break up so it's not like I'm sending her any different signals." (why he would tell me this I don't know..)

 

So I guess my question is....who believes that Nicole, in a way wanted this to happen? Especially since she has seen Tanya go through years of being alone and wanted a boyfriend really badly. And who actually thinks that Tanya doesn't know why my ex really broke up with me (for her).

 

I don't even know why I am thinking about this. I know he doesn't deserve me but it just makes me so frustrated sometimes to think he is so clueless. It makes me sick to think that the four of them will start going on cute little double dates, that it has all 'worked out' for them. It makes me sick to think that one of these girls might have actually planned this. It's not that I want him back - someone who would actually be manipulated like this is too clueless for me (among other flaws) but I just can't believe that people would do this.

[Slagar]

What was your relationship with Nicole? Did she like you?

Hmm, it seems to me that she may have played a part in it... But it wouldn't have been possible if Mat's feelings for Tanya didn't already exist. Sometimes people can be friends for many years, and all it may take is a little spurring on for those feelings to be fully realised. But I am really just interpreting your own words - you know them/the situation better than I do.

 

... However!

You really shouldn't be thinking about this, as you said yourself

It's really not a nice position for you to be in. The best thing you can do is let it be. Whatever caused it doesn't change the outcome - Mat is no longer a part of your life, and you just have to accept it and move on. Sometimes it would be nice to know what *really* happened for closure, but usually you just have to go with it. Try not to think about them. You will find a better love in the future.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and take care of yourself out there

[mystik]

I didn't live on campus so I never got to get too friendly with them... I got to know his other friends better. Do you think that Tanya knows? Or is she truly clueless? I know I shouldn't wonder, it's just hard not to sometimes you know At first I told him I didn't want to know...then we had one short convo a week later and I learned about all the above... and now I just don't want to know anymore. It all just drives me crazy knowing little tidbits - I've come to realize that I don't want to know AT ALL - or at least, it's best that I don't. So the plan is - NCNCNC! Thanks for words Slagar It's like...you know what you have to do, but you just need to be told again sometimes* hehe...thank you.