Losing friends over ex

[princepesa2]

I am in a very difficult position right now. My ex left me about three months ago, ending a 6 year relationship. Throughout our relationship we had developed close friendships with the same circle of people. Recently I have decided to not have any contact with my ex because it's just too painful and confusing. But as a result, I'm unable to see most of my friends, and I'm no longer invited to any parties or get-togethers. I've tried talking to them and asking that they make some separate time for me, which they agreed to. But for the past while they have stopped calling me and when I do call them they always have plans to do something with my ex involved. I do have other friends I could hang out with, but they're not as close to me. I know I should sit down and talk to these friends again to explain how this is affecting me (causing a lot more loneliness than I need right now) but I feel like they just don't get it. They seem to think that I shouldn't have a problem seeing my ex anymore because a few months have gone by and we have had contact with each other in-between that was on friendly terms. He doesn't have a problem seeing me, so I guess they're assuming there's no reason I should have problems with it.

Any advice on how to get through to my friends that I'm trying to do what's best/healthiest for me right now and I really need more support from them?

[kdreger]

Obviously your friends haven't been in your position.

 

It's alway easier for the person who left. When they left they took control of their life and initiated the break. You were left to pick up the pieces of your life and your heart. It takes awhile to heal. I know because I'm there. My ex will call me to talk. She's moved on and is in a new relationship - of course, it's not hard for her. I'm still letting go and grieving alone. I'm the same as you - I don't want reminders!

 

Tell your friends that you still need time but you have to understand that you can't put them in the middle of this. It is your issue and so you have to walk this path alone. In time, you will be ok and then you will be able to see your ex and not feel the same grief.

 

Just be patient and strong in your decision. I think you've done the right thing for you. It's not forever, it's just for now.

[bzborow1]

princepesa2,

 

It's tough to make a clean break from a long-term relationship because everyone kind of becomes friends with each other (whether it's genuine or just by association). Are these friends people you met from him? Or is it kind of a mixed bag of people (friends from both sides)?

 

I would suggest that you take the friends who were associated with you before your relationship, as well as the others, out to coffee one day and explain to them what you are just explaining to us. I can't see anyone not understanding that you would need their support after such a long relationship. Ending a long relationship is different from a shorter one, making it very hard to maintain a friendship afterwards. I would say the better term would be an "acquaintance".

 

Hope everything turns out for the best!

 

Good luck,

 

Bill