Serious friendship dilemma.

[Paul_09]

I have been friends with the lady in question for nearly a year now; at one point we were very close as I used to go round to see her daughter. So when I would be round her home we would do things as a 3.

 

 

She's in her 30's and I'm 18, just to give you a rough idea, anyway I would give her a lift back from the pubs at 2am, be texting her a fair amount, and I would always stay 15 mins after work to help her clear up and so she could get out at a fair time. Everything was going fine, where I work is a shop, and so its not always easy to have a chat, but we would talk for the best part of an hour each day.

 

 

When me and her daughter were close friends she told me that her mum was having an affair, I was firstly shocked and didn't know what to think, but her husband knows about it and doesn't really worry, 'he doesn't want to cause arguments about it'. She has obviously told her husband about this guy and a couple of her close friends at work. But she never told me, even though we would both describe are relationship as 'good friends' IMO.

 

Another problem is she will talk to me when her 'other' friends are not around, other than that she will ignore me, and other new member of staff follows her around like flirting etc all day as well, I'm not really like that, IE I don't just go round touching up women that I don't know, and I think she used to like that.

 

 

The final major problem is that a person she dislikes was working the same shift as her once, and I was talking to this person, and supposedly 'sucking up' to her, even though I was just talking for a brief moment and I have nothing against this person.

 

 

So last night I said to her trying to sort out the problem we had, "I think that because me and this person she dislikes are not real friends I like to get her input on what I do, and I only rarely work with her so I don't know how she likes me to work, with you I like to think of us as close friends and I know what you want me to do at work". "She replied, "no were not friends, I cant be friends with people I don't trust". She said it in a really cold and I can't be bothered way, so at least I know where I stand.

 

 

The problem is we work together all day and near to interact, It makes me sick the way she treats me, and I'm not sure what to do. She expects so much, and I get so little in return as a friend.

 

 

I know there is no answer really, just wanted to tell someone how it was and see if they can respond. I really like this person and have for months, and she just tells me that we are not friends. She will still chat but its going be weird at work.

 

Please can anyone post some ideas of what I should do to sort it?

 

P.S. sorry for the long post.

[mystik]

hate to break it to you, but isn't it kind of obvious she doesn't consider you a friend? She ignores you when others are around, doesn't trust you (enough to tell you her secret) and uses you for rides. Then she turns around and gets all huffy and immature when you talk to someone she hates. Looks like she doesn't care much for you but still likes the attention you give her. For a thirty year old, she's acting like she's 15 and still in highschool. Why do you want to be friends with her, she doesn't offer you friendship, and makes you sick with the way she treats you. She's given you a way out by stating you're not friends. Take it, move on. If she talks to you, keep it civil, but stop being her doormat. There are TONS of other people out there to be real friends with who will treat you well.

[Bethany]

She sounds like a selfish user to me. She certainly seems to be your friend when she wants something.

Don't give her anymore free rides, don't talk to her unless she talks to you and then be only civil to her, short answers but polite. Learn from this that SHE isn't to be trusted not the other way around.

[SLMitchell918]

I am sure you know that she isn't treating you like a friend. It could be that she is using you and she has obviously stated that you two are not friends.

 

You honestly shouldn't stand up for it. Dont' let someone walk over you and ignore you because that is not what a friendship is all about.

 

Theres millions of people in this world and I know you can find a person that is truly deserving of your friendship

[jensxcom]

Sometimes your friends with people and then they change and are not your friend. Thats life.

Dont put up with her crap-stand up to her/

[Paul_09]

thanks for all your replys.

 

I now talk to her in a nice way, but dont worry about it, and just see what happens.

 

Just basically to keep the working situation as good as possible