What to do when the love of your life comes from a different background

[bravegirl04]

Hello all, i was wondering if i could get some advice. I am from a christian family, i have grown up in the church all my life. So its all i know. The love of my life, who i plan on marrying, is a Muslim. This is very difficult for me. We are very deep in our religions, so i do not know how it is going to work for us. My family is very stubborn, so i am almost sure they are not going to accept him. Which means my mom is not going to pay for our wedding, she more than likely won't come. I dont know what to do. How can we be on one accord when we dont even serve the same God? We can't pray together when times are hard. And thats what i want. I've always wanted a christian husband and family i can pray and go to church with. But i really do love him. Is there any way to get past this? Or should i just let him go? Because neither one of us are going to sacrifice our religion.

 

Jessica

[puppy]

hi

 

I am sorry to hear what you are going through right now and clearly understand how you feeling, as I have gone through similar situation before.

 

This is an issue that most people don't really consider before they got together at the beginning. However, it is one that can divide a good relationship. Personally, if the both of you do not agree on your belief, then it will hard down the track, especially when it comes to rising children and deciding which belief they should settle for.

 

All I can suggest to you is simply to have a good talk with your boyfriend about this issue and see where he stand. It is better that the both of you have some form of agreement now, then acutally creating a problem further down the track.

 

Take care.

 

Woof Woof

[BellaDonna]

Personally, if the both of you do not agree on your belief, then it will hard down the track, especially when it comes to rising children and deciding which belief they should settle for.

 

This is very true.

 

However- this doesn't mean it can't work. It all depends on the open-mindedness of both partners.

 

For example: On your wedding day you can have 2 ceremonies- One traditional Muslim ceremony and one traditional Christian ceremony. The families can enjoy the reception together. Children can be exposed to both traditions and be left to choose which faith feels right to them when they become adults (they might not choose either one anways)

 

The question is: How open and respectful are you and your boyfriend to learning about the other's beliefs? Learning does not mean converting or agreeing- but simply learning.

 

If there is even the slightest hesitiation to learn about and respect the other's faith- then it will never work. If one partner thinks their religion is the only truth and is somehow better than the other, there will be conflict.

 

Also, if one partner has to "give up" their faith and conform to the other's religion- it will likely never work.

 

We can't pray together when times are hard

 

Sure you can, if you say 2 prayers: One from your religion, and one from his.

 

It's a lot to think about- and it's good that you are thinking in advance. It all comes down to how you and your parnter feel about it- and if both of you are open about it and can celebrate each other's diversity and traditions.

 

BellaDonna

[Pixiemeat]

I feel for you. I am in the same kind of relationship (although I'm the Muslim girl and he's the Christian boy), and it has only caused minor issues between our families. Fortunately, my boyfriend is not religious, and so the request my family have made for him to convert to Islam was not taken too badly.

 

Fortunately for you, Muslim men are permitted to marry Christian women, but the issue of you both being quite religious could throw up many problems. Which faith will your children be brought up in? How would your parents react to having Muslim grandchildren, or his parents with Christian grandchildren? What about rules like fasting, the prohibition of alcohol etc? There are quite a few differences between your faiths, and this could throw up all sorts of problems. If one of you was less strong in your religious convictions, then this may not matter, but this is not the case. How long have you been together?

 

Whilst it's all very well and good tolerating each other's faith, there will be problems - how will you cope?

 

PM me if you need more advice, I've been through this before and am still going through it, so I hope I can help.

[Massari]

I am persain.. from Iran.. so technically we are considered Muslim.. I am not religious one bit, and you probably know that Muslims are not suppose to drink alcohol and eat pork well ppl from Iran are slightly different we have so much pressure about religion from the government and society that many ppl don't follow and practice Islam.. they dislike it too in some cases.. I can completely understand what you are going through , however we are not anywhere near getting married,, we just want to start dating like couples.. I have known her for almost 2 years now.. she was 17 when I got to know her.. she is 19 now.. I asked her out once.. I was almost 100% sure that she likes me too.. and then she said I like you as a friend.. a very heart breaking answer. After that I said maybe I should just be friends with her(until then we have never had any physicall contact just shaking hand) ; things changed.. she started to hang around me more.. making me even want to be with her more// but deep down I was thinking why is she doing this to me..hugs started ,, sweet kisses on the cheek.. cuddeling I never gave up on her.. knowing that maybe in the future she would change her mind about me.. and see me like I see her.. as some one who would make her the happiest girl to cherish her day and night. I did invite her to a few occasions to come with me .. like salsa dancing .. Niagara falls etc.. she always came up with some reason that she couldn't come.. this never made me disappointed about her.. or anything.. nevertheless my feelings were as strong as before if not more.2 weeks ago was my 22 year old birthday. I told her this before like a 2 weeks ago so this time she would make it.. my bd party started all the guest came and the one person who I cared the most didn't.. I said. Well maybe she doesn't like my company.. a week after.. I got this email..from her.. made me tear left me speechless.. in a state of shock.. the words I was waiting to read from her ." Remember first year? you kinda asked me out, and i said no? b/c i didnt think of you as more than a friend. That was a lie. Because i liked you. Remember later, you invited me to come with you to the cottage or salsa dancing or niagra falls? and i said no, and made up an excuse for everything. Well, I could have come to all those places and i would have if not for my parents ." I am crying again.. writing this.. this is painful.. I have never care about someone this much.. I have never been in a relationship.. and I think I love her… this is also another thing she said "Anyway, I liked you back then too much not to think about taking you seriously, so I just thought it was better if i didnt get closer to you by spending time with you. Thats why i didnt go anywhere when you invited me to go places. I said to myself.this is not a reason not to be with someone especially when I am not religose, I talked to her the day after… never told her how I felt.. befor that .. when I saw her she was saad.. thought I wouldn't understand that// then I told her how much that letter ment to me that she told me the truth I offered one solution.. to be come a Christian.. and I told her that when I saw her… she said you would do that… I said if that's what it takes to be with you I held her hand and told her that how much I like her and willing to make this work.. Its her father who doesn't like the family to be associated with non-christian especially Muslim. I am gonna do anything in me to make this work. She told me that her father was like.. " oh ok good" but his family is not gonna change is it? If your partner would offer to do something like that how would your family react? I am not gonna lose her.. not now.. I can't see how I can survive thinking that we can't see eachother and might have to give it all up..

P.s.I messaged you this as well in case you don't check your forum