stay friends with ex, or start new relationship?

[steff]

hey guys, guess what, yesterday i met a guy, yep but guess what? its one of my ex boyfriends friends...

 

you see i went out with my ex yesterday just to catch up (i like staying friends with ex's, prevents fights and bad reputations) and we bumped into some of his friends down at the shopping centre, so we went and had lunch.

 

there was this guy there named francis, and we were giving each other 'the eye' for most of the time, he actaully started it, i noticed him looking at me all the time. he seemed really nice, alittle shy thou.

 

anyway, he ended up paying for everyones meals and drinks and then when saying goodbye he gave me a kiss on the check (however i think his spanish and from my knowledge most of them kiss people goodbye, so i dont think that means anything) so anyway, he started sending my ex sms's saying that i was hot and stuff.... so anyway, we have each others numbers and stuff, and then my ex went really 'down' like his mood changed and everything, yet he was fine giving me francis number and saying his a great guy....

 

but i spoke to my sister and she said that i would lose adam (my ex) if i went out with francis.... so does anyone have any advice or past experience with this sort of situation???? i really dont want to lose my relationship with my ex.

[dontknowwhattodo]

How long have you and the ex broken up? I went out with my ex's best friend. Same situation, I met him through my ex. I think it would be OK if the break-up was not recently. When we started going out, the best friend called my ex (though he didn't really 'have' to) and told him that he would be hanging out with me. The ex said that would be OK. They have been best friends still. We, however, never hang out as the '3 of us because my ex and I didn't talk anymore. The reason was not because I went out with his friend but because I didn't want to deal with his lies.

[steff]

adam and i have been broken up for 2 years nearly.... but we still have a great friendship so i dont want to lose that

[dontknowwhattodo]

If so, you should be able to talk to your ex about it. I don't think you really need to get his 'permission' but if that would make you feel better, then go ahead and tell him before you go out with his friend. Put it casually, though, don't make it sound like you are seeking a permission coz you really don't need it.

[BlazinSham]

That's tough how you look at it. I personally would talk to my best friend before any of this. While I wouldn't need permission, I would respect what he has to say.

 

This happened to me in high school. A good friend of mine asked me if I would upset me if he took my ex on a date. I told him honestly that it would hurt me. And he respected that and didn't do it. Does that mean that you shouldn't go on a date because he or she said no? Not necessarily. But at least it gives you some food for thought. She how everyone feels about it. I almost had the opportunity to go out with my best friend's ex last year but I said no. I asked him how he would feel and he said that just wouldn't feel right to him. So I respected his feelings and didn't do it. Now if I really wanted to take her out, I would sit down and talk it out with him and make sure he was comfortable before doing so.

 

Now don't be confused, it is YOUR life and not his. But sometimes being a caring person outweighs things and you have to consider how things may effect other people's lives. Hope that made sense.