is it normal having feelings for someone else whilst in a long distance relationship?

[danoooosh]

I know its long but please read im so confused and need help!!!

For those of you who dont know my history...ive been in a relationship with my b/f for 9 months now. 6 of those months was the best time in my life as we were living together in his country (i was travelling there).

 

anyway ...i had to come home 3 months ago to enrol to university and the end of my visa etc...and we decided to stay together as we are still very in love and he planned on coming to visit my country ..and if all was good between us and he liked the country he would live here with me as well.

we planned for him to come around 2 months later....however due to many circumstances it was very hard to get a visa and we have been separated so far 3 months and it looks like it will be another 4 -6 months...and even then we aren't 100% immigration will say yes to his application.

 

until now i have been finding it very hard to cope without him and i have been missing him really badly and life has just been tough due to other circumstances and having to adjust to being home without him. Until now as well...my b/f wasn't 100% sure he wanted to move here. he was still organising his visa application however doing it quite slowly as he wasn't 100% sure of what he wanted. Of course he loves me very much however moving to another country is a big step for a 22 year old and im only 18...and he was planning on starting university in his own country, he would be moving away from loved ones, starting a new life etc..

 

suddenly a few days ago he decided he is 100% sure he wanted to come and told me he would hurry the visa application however..well......these past few weeks i have been getting very close to my neighbour who is a tourist here for a year. it started off me just visiting him and his roomates and having late night talks etc... and then i started taking him out as i wanted to set him up with a friend ..

anyway i had a feeling that he liked me a bit ...but i just ignored it as i thought he was a cool guy and he is my neighbour and i enjoy his company. however recently ive developed some feelings for him.

I'm still very in love with my b/f and miss him like hell..however i think the lonelyness of missing my b/f and not knowing 100% what is happening with my b/f has led me to develop feelings for him.

i know if my b/f was here i would never have developed these feelings but now i dont know what to do.

does it mean the end of my relationship? i dont want to lose my b/f and my b/f always tells me how he cant even look at other girls and isn't attracted to anyone at all and im the only girl for him etc...

until now i felt like that as well but now because of these feelings for my neighbour i have been feeling so guilty and i considered stopping going to my neighbours house. however their company has been so helpful because i have stopped being so depressed because of missing my b/f.

i dont know what to do and what is right...

my friends tell me to talk to b/f and just tell him that i think we should have a break and be with other people and see how we go ... i mean its only natural and the love i share with my b/f is much more important than random people who i may be with. cant i just be with people until my b/f comes?

i know thats so unfair and i cant have the best of two worlds ..however ..i am just so lonely and think im attracted to my neighbour cos he has been like a substitute b/f (without any physical contact of course).

i know that when i see my b/f it wil all be fine..but i also dont want to hurt my neighbour who likes me..i mean if i was with him til my b/f came and then told him to piss off that would also be horrible. i also dont want my b/f to immigrate to my country if im not 100% committed ..i feel like ive just lost some passion for our relationship and there is also a time difference which means we hardly talk...

if anyone has any suggestions please tell me im so confused i just dont know whats right anymore.

[mmpuppy]

Hi I'm in a similar situation. We've been apart for 3 months till now...it's so difficult and sometimes I dont believe i can be like this anymore. Reality is always different from what we expected - we planned a reunion which should have happened now. however, due to some matters we should wait another 3 months...hard to handle indeed.

 

Recently I watched a gay movie ' brokenback mountain' and I realize that true love is nothing but a nature force...it's actually a belief in the other party and the future. It takes both efforts though...I actually have no idea what the future is, but anyway I know I have true feelings for him and I'd want to give it a try for a future...

 

I dont think i'm here to give you advices. Sorry about that. But believe in yourself and true to your feeling. that's what i wanna say thanks and good luck!

[snugglemufin]

What you are experiencing is an "out of site" temptation. If you WANT your relatinship to survive then you WILL be strong and resisit - if you are week and stick with this new person, then the relationship will fail. How you feel is normal so don't feel guilty. But if you want to stick with your current b/f, you must AVOID any "out of site out of mind" temptations. If you survive that then your relatinship with your b/f will only get stronger