It's hard to give up your memories......

[ricardo]

Perhaps the worst thing about discovering my wifes infidelities is having to give up all the precious memories that I have about her. All the times we were dating and the early years of our marriage, when I worshipped her and thought I was the only man she had ever known. (She is the only woman I have ever had!) These were such grand memories that gave life to my marriage and caused me to love her even more. Now that I know about her cheating even before we were married and now after marriage, I can't even think about anniversaries or see old photos of her. The good years or so-called good years are filled with questions and pain now. Getting over a death would be far simpler than going through this forgivness process, especially since I haven't confronted her as yet. (and maybe never) Just hearing her admit to anything would make me hurt even worse than I am and that I am not ready for. I either have too much love or too little sense. Which?

[TAFFY]

Ricardo, right now your wounds are too raw to make any constructive decisions. You need time to heal. Maybe in time, you will come to a place where you can look at a picture or remember a memory and find that the hurt isn't so bad. You also need to take baby steps and take time for yourself.

[shyanne]

if you haven't confronted her yet then how do you know its true. do you have proof.... sounds like you've been with her for a very long time. that alone is special and worth some effort in forgiving her whether or not you stay together. i think you should talk to her and get her side of the story.

[ricardo]

yes, shyanne. It is true, and I would not rely on a cheater to confirm anything. They will deny forever. And in my opinion, there is no side to her story. If you cheated, that is the end of the story. No excuses, but apparently there are no penalties.

[shyanne]

i know cheating can hurt lots of people. i do sympathize with you. its not really the right thing to do but say your with her for 20 years, she cheated. that's it, that makes her a bad person, a worthless liar. so much that 20 years of your life now means nothing. sure there are excuses.......... perhaps one is how she was treated by her husband for years.... in and out of the bedroom.