SeaBisquit Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 i have this guy friend who i would consider to be my best friend.my bf doesn't know much about him. just that we use to be friends along time ago. i talk to my best friend often on the phone and sometimes he will come over and watch movies together, but it never goes any farthe than that. we both like to cook and do the same things. so we have alot of fun together. my bf is out of state alot due to work and i get lonely so i usually call up my bestfriend to see if we can do something together. we mostly spend time just talking on the phone more than actually spending any time together. sometimes i feel guilty tho because my best friend is another guy. should i end my friendship? he is just really easy to talk to. i can tell him things that i can't tell my bf. Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I don't think you should end your relationship with him as long as its strictly friends but I do think you should tell your boyfriend you still hang out with him...its not fair to him that you hide it...have him hang out when both of you are around sometimes...so your bf can see that your not doing anything with your friend and he is just that...a friend. Link to comment
NoComply Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 haha this is a joke right??? so what if he is a guy and your a girl, hes a friend, and in this case, hes your best friend. if it came down to it, id choose my best friend over my girlfriend, whether they were a guy or a girl. bestfriends are hard to comeby really. boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND. thats just crazy. take my advice, please. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 i love my bf, but with my best friend it's different. i can tell him anything i can be myself. i love the friendship that we have. i just wondered if i should continue the friendship in the same way because my bf does get jealous. Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 you should be able to be yourself with your boyfriend you shouldn't have to try to impress him. You should be able to tell him everything he should be your best friend...>But as I said...you need to tell your bf and maybe all 3 of you could hang out so he could see Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 they have never met each other before so i don't know. my best friend is my brother's best friend also that is how we met.so really it shouldn't be a big deal. Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 i love my bf, but with my best friend it's different. i can tell him anything i can be myself. i love the friendship that we have. i just wondered if i should continue the friendship in the same way because my bf does get jealous. If you can't say these same things about your boyfriend, I think there is a problem. It sounds like you should be with your bestfriend. Hypothetically, what if your boyfriend had a female for a best friend, who was extremely attractive, they hung out in secret, and he would talk to her about about all sorts of things, that he would never talk about with you. I would imagine you wouldn't be too happy. If your best friend really is a true friend, he'll understand the situation and won't take offense if you cut the amount of time you hang out together, especially alone. Link to comment
redandblack Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 How old are you and how long have you been dating your current boyfriend? It is not fair to your boyfriend to keep him a secret. The fact that you haven't told your boyfriend about him and are hanging out a lot with him while he is gone is going to seem a lot like cheating to him. While it is not wrong to have your best friend be a male, I do think you should aleve any fears that your boyfriend may have. I think he should definitely meet your friend. Explain to him that you have NO interest in him and are not attracted to him. Optimally, you should give your boyfriend the opportunity to be a friend with this friend. However, prepare yourself for what he may think or say based upon how you have handled this so far. Take care Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 ^ Yeah I was thinking the same thing. You seem to value this friendship more than your friendship with the boyfriend. What is your reasoning behind getting rid of this best friend in the first place then? I think that as long as your boyfriend at least knows about him and you assure him that you two aren't doing any funny business, then what's the issue? Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I agree with LostInMyThoughts, if you can tell your best friend everything and anything, yet can't with your b/f, I really think you may be with the wrong person. It sounds like you get everything your relationship has plus the things that are missing like the being comfortable and the communication. Whatever your choice, I think you should be honest with you b/f about your friend. Also don't stop being friends or anything with him just because you are with someone else. You are allowed to have guy friends. But as I said, I really think the best friend is the guy you should be with based on what you have said or at the least, you need to work on your relationship with your b/f a bit more. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Link to comment
theantibarbie23 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Yes, he is jealous of your friend because your boyfriend has cheated on you for over two years and some cheaters tend to have the misconception that their significant other MUST be doing the same since the behavior is normal to them. Do not be fool enough to be willing to give up your best friend for a man that's been playing you for years! You need to look deep inside and assess why you regard this man so highly above yourself that you would feel guilty over something as innocent as having friends after all this man has put you through. Your friend is good to you, your boyfriend is not. If it comes down to it, ditch the cheater and keep the friend. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 ^ I don't think she said that the boyfriend was cheating on her. Link to comment
theantibarbie23 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 ^ I don't think she said that the boyfriend was cheating on her. Check her recent past subjects she's posted. She just found out on the 8th that her BF was cheating on her for over two years. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Wow, that is so bizarre. I really would like to know why she is still with him. I am not implying that you should be going out with this friend instead, but goodness have some respect for yourself and get rid of him if he is still doing this. Link to comment
Huntsman Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 you should practise more openness with your boyfriend. your boyfriend should be your best friend. Link to comment
theantibarbie23 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Wow, that is so bizarre. I really would like to know why she is still with him. I am not implying that you should be going out with this friend instead, but goodness have some respect for yourself and get rid of him if he is still doing this. From the tone of all her recent posts, I am under the impression that she stays because her self esteem is very low. Link to comment
NoComply Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 i love my bf, but with my best friend it's different. i can tell him anything i can be myself. i love the friendship that we have. i just wondered if i should continue the friendship in the same way because my bf does get jealous. i think you should keep your bestfriend relationship how it is now, DO NOT CHANGE IT on behalf of your boyfriend. bestfriends come first. there with you for life, boyfriends come and go. Link to comment
NoComply Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 and i just read a post up there about your boyfriend cheating on you. this is the part of the relationship where you should kick goodbye to your boyfriend. i am actually shocked that you were considering seeing your best friend less for a guy thats been cheating on you. oish Link to comment
MRSinPA Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 I agree with LostInMyThoughts, if you can tell your best friend everything and anything, yet can't with your b/f, I really think you may be with the wrong person. It sounds like you get everything your relationship has plus the things that are missing like the being comfortable and the communication. Whatever your choice, I think you should be honest with you b/f about your friend. Also don't stop being friends or anything with him just because you are with someone else. You are allowed to have guy friends. But as I said, I really think the best friend is the guy you should be with based on what you have said or at the least, you need to work on your relationship with your b/f a bit more. Communication is the key to a good relationship. I disagree, Allan. MOST people have friends or family that they go to when they need to talk to someone besides their significant other. sometimes it's because they don't want to unload all of their burdens on the person they love, and sometimes they need to bounce ideas off of an unbiased party before speaking to their SO. MY main question how does your boyfriend feel about this guy? If he's okay with it, then I would say there is NO reason to end your friendship. But if he's uncomfortable, I'd say that you should work towards letting the two of them get to know each other better. The more he knows, the less he has to make up in his mind. And if he ends up feeling very uncomfortable, do everything you can to compromise. Maybe hang out with GROUPS of friends while your boyfriend is away instead of just one guy. If you really love this guy, you'll do your best to make it work. I'm not saying bend over backwards; it's your life too and you have the right to hang out with who you please. But if you want to keep both men in your life, you'll probably have to work at it a little. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 sometimes it's because they don't want to unload all of their burdens on the person they love No one should have to unload their burdens on anyone else. That is for the individual to deal with. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now