well I talked to my ex

[ncisive]

my first post can be found here

After talking to her, and being nice i figured out a few things maybe u guys can give me advice on. She told a mutual friend of both of us she still loves me, but cant be with me right now. She told me After we both get our lives straightened out.. school, work, etc.. we can try again. I asked her today if she thinks that 1 day we might have a chance again, and she said yes i do. She also thinks we should date other people make sure we want to be with each other.. is this the truth or just a lie? She is hanging a lot with her guy friend who has a thing for her. She told me he could probally treat her better than I did, but she doesnt know cause they are 2 much alike. I think shes confident that maybe in the future she will want to give us a try again. Is my best bet to go NC and try to let her miss me and work on myself, or keep talking to her and acting like a friend?

[coooolsome]

You are entering a world of trouble. Of course she is going to say you two should date other people b/c she already has one waiting. You need to really cut her out of your life for now so that she knows what its like without you. She has to miss you and want to come back.

 

You now need to fix your life. Go back to school, become independent again. Its going to take a while and who knows, maybe you will find someone better when your at school. Be grateful you have the opportunity to meet so many women in college b/c once you get out into the real world, its a lot harder. I got dumped 1.5 years after I graduate college. Now doesnt that suck.

[ncisive]

well Im really going to do lc now, because i think she needs to know ims til there. I talked to her yesterday and she asked if i was moving back to florida. I said why, and she said I shouldnt run away from us and the situation... She said i failed the test because I told her she was the love of my life but now im just gonna run away again. I told her I cant wait forever even though i love you with all my heart. She told me It would be a month or a few at the most. We also talked about dating other people, and I said a) she falls for guys easily and B) I couldnt wait while she dated other people. She told me that I would date to which I cant right now.. and it goes both ways. I know there is this other guy, and I want to try this relationship again because of what we did have. o she also said that it was her way of finding out if I really thought she was my soulmate (me not running away to florida back to school)

[ncisive]

opinions? ????

[redandblack]

Hey,

 

I think you need to take a stand here. What she is doing is unfair. She realizes that she does not want to lose you. However, she still wants to date this guy and see what happens. She is being extremely selfish and inconsiderate.

 

I think you need to tell her that you can't just be friends with her. You either need to work on getting back together or you are going to cut contact with her. This is only fair. Right now, she does not have to decide anything. You are in her "back pocket" as other have said.

 

Don't let her control you like she is. She needs to make a decision and she will never do this with you in the picture.

 

Take care

[Lion-Guy]

Ex's are like a cat, If you try to coax them or call them, they will avoid you; they will never come. But if you pay not attention to her and go about your business, you'll find her rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap.

[coooolsome]

And when you tell her this, I guarantee you she is going to get mad and yell and say stuff like "you failed the test" and "you always give up" etc. Dont let her manipulate you like this. If she pulls the you give up, give it right back. She gave up on the two of you. If she didnt then she would be willing to give it another shot and since she doesnt want to, you are not going to wait around.

 

She is keeping you in her back pocket in case things with this new guy dont work out. That is why she told you a couple of months. If things work out than you were nothing more than a safety net.

[ncisive]

well i found out shes with another guy, and it got pretty heated, she obviously has no more feelings for me and is defending the hell out of him. I just want to get my * * * * back but she blocked me on everything.

[coooolsome]

Yup, this is what is going to happen. You are giving her more and more reasons to justify what she did. You are doing this to yourself and you have to put a stop to it. Start NC right now and wait a couple of months to get your stuff. You need to get in control of your life. Stop thinking about her and start thinking about what is good for you.

 

Stop thinking about saying anything to her b/c NOTHING you say will bring her back. She is defending him and that is not a good sign right now. She is pissed off at you and you are just pushing her away. You have to STOP NOW!

[ncisive]

im more pissed than anything

[Frangipani]

Yeah, I understand. Why do they have to give you hope? The whole, "I can't be with you - at the moment" to me means, "I'm seeing someone and we'll see how that goes, but I want you around too in case it doesn't work out" and they know the only way they can have you still feeling LOVE for them is by feeding you titbits, saying they still love you, you still have a future. If they don't, you fall OUT of love with them. SO, they keep you on the edge...the edge of insanity!

 

I have been on the end of this behaviour since September and it was killing me. It is a very selfish and totally self serving thing to do to people whom you know are hoping to be given asecond chance. And telling you they love you and want to be friends? Thats pure bull. As my therapist said to me, "By doing what they are doing its is totally DISHONOURING your friendship." Friendship involves sacrifice, love, honesty and caring. People who trully want to be your friend should tell you the truth, it may hurt short term, but then long term you CAN be friends. I think stringing people along is gutless.

 

I went NC after months of pain. It has helped, trully, Do NOT put up with this!! You deserve to be number one. The ex dating other people does not equate to 'love'.

 

Hope this helps.