Was our breakup typical, or am I crazy?

[Ruthlah]

So I had this boyfriend since summer 2003, we split up two times, but we always got back together. But this last time we split (Late september 05) it was a perma-breakup.

 

We got into huge screaming fights (which we did all the time) but one time as he was leaving I slammed the door without knowing he was reaching back in the house to close it. He started screaming as soon as the door was closed but I was too petrified and hysterical to dare open the door. I called him and I had fractured his finger, he went to the clinic and they poped it back into place. He wrote me a text saying he loved me and it was ok and he knew I didn't do it on purpose.

 

So that first. I could never stop calling him, we lived together twice in our relationship, the last time for about a year. I was devistated when he left me, but things only got worse. I had a bunch of friends over (some guys) that I hadn't seen in a while, and me, my female and my male friend were lying in my bed just talking. Absolutly NOTHING happened. But, one of his friends SHOWS UP AT MY HOUSE! How he got in the front door, I don't know. But anyway, he told my ex that he saw me and the girl and another guy messing around in my room.

 

Obviously, my ex doesn't believe me. He screams, tells me he never wants to talk to me again. blah blah blah. We starting talking again for a few weeks, then I meet a guy who's really nice (this was around mid november). So he finds out, god knows how, that I had someone sleeping over my house a few times. HE FLIPS OUT. Says I lied to him, all this stuff and he knew I'd been * * * *ing other people (which at the time I hadn't yet) and say he never wants to see me or hear from me again.

 

Mind you, I've been in hysterics crying almost everyday since we've broke up (even today) so I can't stop calling him to try and make him take it back. I'm telling him I just want him in my life (we always promised eachother we'd be in eachother's lives if we broke up) to be my friend, I'm just trying to get over him like he told me to. He told me never call him again and the last time I called him his number was changed.

 

We have a lot of mutual friends, I just want to know do I have any chance of him ever calling me again? I was so mortifyed that he changed his number, I would never dare ask one of our friends. It just kills me because when I see any of our mutual friends I'm so embarrassed and I just want to ask how he's doing but I know I can't. I have no way to ever reach him, I wrote him an email a few weeks ago saying Merry Christmas and I hoped to talk to him, but I know he'll never write back.

 

Also, I've since stopped seeing the second guy because I realized I could never love someone right now and I drink too much (which my ex hated) and it got too serious too fast. But there's no way my ex could know that, I just know he's hurt because he thinks I moved on so fast but I didn't

[stolenshadow]

Hello, I'm worried you are having problems with your emotions, the relationship you had with your boyfriend seemed of always looking for excitement, good or bad, subconsciously putting each other in a position that was going to cause problems.

Screaming, slamming doors and accusations of infidelity are NOT of a healthy relationship.

Sure, you can go back together but, what for?, more fights?, more tears because there's no trust?, or to have a balanced relationship together?.

I would suggest you get therapy, you really don't need to be living in a roller coaster of emotions, it can seem fun but it'll wear you out eventually.

[ocrob]

You said that you drink a lot. I drink way too much as well. I have realized that after drinking a lot over the weekend, I am very depressed the next day. I don't know if you can, but try to stop drinking and see how you feel. Alcohol is such a depressant and will not help you heal. Try to either stop drinking or cut down and exercise. You will find exercise makes you feel better. I have been feeling a lot better lately and now am going to really try to cut down severly on the drinking. I only feel a little depressed at times and now I want to feel no depression. If you can get over the hump, you will feel so much better. I have been in NC for about a month and went from thinking about my ex from mornin till bedtime to just once in a while. It's my birthday tomorrow and I wonder, if she will call. I think subconsously I want an e-mail or call, but know I will be better off if she does not call. If I don't get a call, then I am pretty sure we will not talk for many years or at all. Good luck.

[sweetsmile]

Ruthlah, your story reminds me of mine. We had a very destructive relationship with lots of fights, passion, feelings and break-ups all the time. We also lived together twice and i moved out twice. We were together for about 3,5 years. I don't know why we didn't breakup earlier after i moved out the first time? Our feelings were so strong and we both kept saying that we are eachothers drug. Well, the last time i moved out was in february 2005 and our relationship got worse, since we both knew inside that it's officially over but we just can't stay away from eachother yet. I was trying to meet other guys all the time, dated them and was being really close to his best friends, which he found out of course. All the things i did, he found out, just like your ex did. But even though he heard about the worst things, he still wanted me, but started to feel worse and worse. He went on pills and realized that he HAS to leave me, so he first tried 5 times but always came back or i wanted him back. But then one day we had lunch together and he just told me he can't see me anymore, that it's 100% over. i wasn't sure, since i knew how many times he had said that for the last months, but he seemed to be quite sure. First he told me we could be friends since he might want to ask me some questions, but when i called him some days after, he wasn't happy about it. I kind of heard in his voice that it's over. He made up his mind. He told me that he has to have a normal life, that he regrets all these years blah blah....after that i never called him again. I sent him a birthday-card some days after but he didn't reply. I felt so bad about that. Also when i met him on the street only 2 weeks after the breakup, he didn't even say hi....he just ignored me and was a little chocked, so was i. Well, anyway, it's been almost 3 months now and i still feel a little bad; i can't believe how he just ignores me totally after so many years together? Maybe he found another woman or he just made up his mind. I think i just didn't want to realize that this was going to happen one day, but i pushed it till the end. We both did. Now i met this guy that i've actually known for 6 months as a friend. He gives me everything that the other guy couldnt. I feel strong, but i can't even compare him to my ex. I was kind of obsessed with my ex. It was crazy, abnormal, destructive.....but i've never loved anyone as much and never felt so hurt and so bad with anyone before either. I don't know what true love is. When did he break up with you? For how long haven't you two been talking? I think that he made up his mind and thereforeeee is ignoring you for his own best.