i have a question for girls; shy ones in particular

[jd326]

myself being shy, I find that I get discouraged easily and back off when the girl I am interested in isnt always warm and fuzzy towards me. Girls, if you like someone do you always act warm towards them and say hi and smile when you see them, or do you sometimes wait for the boy to initiate, and if they don't do you back off because you think he may not like you?

[Miss M]

myself being shy, I find that I get discouraged easily and back off when the girl I am interested in isnt always warm and fuzzy towards me. Girls, if you like someone do you always act warm towards them and say hi and smile when you see them, or do you sometimes wait for the boy to initiate, and if they don't do you back off because you think he may not like you?

I don't know if we're the same age, (I'm older), but I find your question interesting because I've been thinking a lot about the exact same thing. Are shy people missing each other because we're shy and not accurately reading the signals?

 

I tend to respond with a smile when it's offered to me first, but I don't tend to initiate it. I don't openly smile at guys and say hi in a friendly way right off the bat. So maybe shy guys think I'm ignoring them?... or maybe that I don't like them? And if a guy doesn't act warm and fuzzy towards me, I also read it as rejection. I immediately think he doesn't like me and I'll back off completely... won't even look at him again. Yeah, I wonder if shy people are really missing each other. If both sides are backing off because we aren't reading "warm and fuzzy" signals, we all may be missing out on a lot of good stuff.

 

Lately I've bee trying to pay more attention to shy guys, but I'm still never sure about what I'm seeing/reading.

[Miss M]

Yeah, if someone showed interest in me, they'd have to come on pretty dang strong.

I thought about that a lot too. And I realized it's only the idiot jerks who come on so strong. Genuinely nice guys usually aren't so aggressive, especially the shy ones. So a shy guy might decide he doesn't have a chance with the girl because he sees the jerk is aggressively pursuing her... and getting a response. And as the OP says, a shy guy withdraws because he's not getting the "come hither" signals from the girl. That's why I stepped back to assess it all again. While being pursued(distracted) by the aggressive jerks (who are never really my type), what have I been missing?...

 

And it's the same for the shy guys... If they are being pursued by aggressive women because they need that kind of "warm and fuzzy" encouragement, what have they been missing by passing up the shy girls?

[DiscipleOfChange]

I think it's great that we're talking about this phenomenon. I myself open up much better when I'm in a small group and even more so when I'm alone with someone. Generally, I'm attracted to the wuieter, more reserved girls. Maybe because I find them mysterious and want to discover their personalities. When I have hung out one on one with these types of girls, they tend to open up and be relatively more vocal than when I hang out with them in a group context.

 

I too agree that two shy people who would be really great for one another, might need a oush towards each other from friends. I may be old fashioned but I would generally think the guy should take that step rather than the girl but the important thing is that someone take the step.

[theantibarbie23]

Girls, if you like someone do you always act warm towards them and say hi and smile when you see them, or do you sometimes wait for the boy to initiate, and if they don't do you back off because you think he may not like you?

 

Having been shy when I was a teen, I'll tell you that if I liked a guy and we weren't friends, I wouldn't even have the courage to make eye contact with him. I used to just act as though he wasn't in the room. I had myself convinced that I would just flat out die from rejection so I never allowed myself to try.

[orangecounty]

Interesting topic. When I like someone, they would barely even know it. I'm so shy, I'm still very friendly and sweet, but I don't think you would able to tell that I were interested. I think shy people often go to the other extreme of trying to appear like they're not interested, just in case they're rejected. Something I definitely need to work on!

[jd326]

Having been shy when I was a teen, I'll tell you that if I liked a guy and we weren't friends, I wouldn't even have the courage to make eye contact with him. I used to just act as though he wasn't in the room. I had myself convinced that I would just flat out die from rejection so I never allowed myself to try.

 

What if he was friend or you had talked to him a few times in the past? Would that change anything at all, or would it still be the same deal?

[shelbymustang_fan]

Having been shy when I was a teen, I'll tell you that if I liked a guy and we weren't friends, I wouldn't even have the courage to make eye contact with him. I used to just act as though he wasn't in the room. I had myself convinced that I would just flat out die from rejection so I never allowed myself to try.

 

As a shy guy, I think this proves a point, clear and simple. Back in High School, my actions were a mirror image antibarbie's.

 

But I have another question now. Lets say I realize this problem that two shy people like eachother, but each person looks the other way because they are terrified to show it. Now that I realize this problem, I go and approach "theantibarbie23" for example. Would she get all bent out of shape and take off running, or would she then bring me in with a warm welcome and make an effort to get to know me????

[theantibarbie23]

What if he was friend or you had talked to him a few times in the past? Would that change anything at all, or would it still be the same deal?

 

If he was a friend, I would flirt a little and see how it went. The bad thing was, most of the time, the guys I was friends with that I liked just saw me as a sister. Of course this only made me less confident about how the opposite sex viewed me and even more awkward when around a boy I was interested in.

 

If I had talked to him a few times, I wouldn't start being flirtatious unless we started hanging out. If I REALLY liked the guy and he spoke to me and I wasn't used to it, I would trip over my words and get more and more anxious about sounding stupid. Thank god I am over that phase! *whew*

[theantibarbie23]

Now that I realize this problem, I go and approach "theantibarbie23" for example. Would she get all bent out of shape and take off running, or would she then bring me in with a warm welcome and make an effort to get to know me????

 

It depends on the conversation I guess. Back when I was really shy, if someone I was attracted to came up to be and made small talk, I TRIED to act aloof (although I usually ended up sounding like a bumbling fool). I would fight tooth and nail to keep guys I had crushes on (that I wasn't friends with) from knowing my "secret" unless I had reason to believe they were interested in me.

 

However, if the guy was flirting with me, I would normally be shocked for a little while, but once I snapped out of it I would be a heck of a lot warmer and more open.