What do I do?

[registered]

If so, I'm sure you can change you plans to suit me!

I won't take no for an answer

Lol. Well you shouldn't have to say this, you should just have this air of confidence that says this for you and that will get the response you want.

[mrwrong24]

Ok, thanks guys, I'll just bite the bullet, if she says know I can insist if she still says no, too bad for you, I'll move on to someone else!

[registered]

Good for you!

But don't plead and beg with her lol.

Yep there's always someone else out there just waiting so that's the right attitude!

 

Good luck!

[mrwrong24]

I won't beg, I'll give her two chance after that, no more and then she can beg me!

[registered]

If it was with me she would have the initial chance and that is that... I mean she should want me, if she can't say yes right away then that is her loss.

If you give chances you are just disrespecting yourself.

[mrwrong24]

Good point..

[PocoDiablo]

Here's another perspective on the issue. It's pretty close to what you're thinking right now, but with a few different concepts:

 

A couple of weeks ago she invited me out for work drinks (she never goes out to my knowledge) a couple of guys came with us (I invited them)

This is great that she invited you out, especially if it was just the two of you. However, you invited along some other guys which was polite but removed all chances of you getting to know her one on one. I think that was a bad move on your part.

 

she left early so I decided she didn't like me.

Or being stuck with you and your friends when she just wanted to be with you... but yes, she was not interested in a group date again.

 

Today I was sending emails back and forth to her which we do almost every day lately.

Beware, pen-pals means FRIENDS. The phone and email should only be used to make dates. Then you go on a date and get to know her better by asking her lots of questions about herself.

 

I asked if she was up for drinks on Friday and she said no going by how I feel today to which I replied ok.

She said no - this is huge. Most women cannot say no and will instead come up with an excuse as to why they are busy. I cannot quite tell from what you wrote if this was the case, but nonetheless she HAS told you "I am not interested in you any more." For all she knew, you were going to invite a bunch of people along ... again.

 

I said I'm somewhat disappointed you aren't coming but not upset, by the time Friday comes I may decide to snob ya's and go see a movie (hint Hint)

Children hint. Men ask. But you should not take a potential date to a movie anyway because you cannot talk to her during the movie! The most important thing to do on a date is being able to sit, look at each other, and get to know each other. Unless you can communicate telepathically, movies won't work in your favor. Besides, taking her to a movie can be seen by some women as "Oh, he's trying to buy me into liking him." A real man understands that he does not need to spend a dime on a woman to get to know who SHE is. He needs to ask her on a date, though, and take the time to get to know more about her.

 

I can't tell if she likes me or not, one moment she calls me mate the next she calls me darl..

I think you had your chance but blew it. More details...

 

I'm inclined to just take it slow as friends and see where it leads

So you are going to pull back even more? You will be, in essense, telling her "You're too ugly, too stupid, or too boring and I don't want to see you any more." Think about it - if she did the same thing to you, wouldn't you think there was something wrong with you? A woman expects a man to show interest in her, then ask her on a date. If you "take it slow" but you have never been on a date, she will realize that you don't like her and will friendzone you to protect her feelings. Either way, it's a losing situation. You don't get what you want, and neither does she.

 

I WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE FEELS

Then you need to stand up tall, pick up the phone, and ask her out on a WEEKDAY night (not Friday or Saturday) to go get a drink somewhere.

 

Example:

 

"Hey, it's me. You know, I have started to notice that you're really a pretty sorta maybe an okay person. I'd like to go out on a date so we can get to know each other better. Would you be down with going to Starbucks/[upscale but quiet bar] next Wednesday to get a drink and talk?" Then shut your mouth and listen.

 

You will get one of three responses:

 

1. Yeah, I'd love to! (Good!)

2. Yeah, I'd love to, but I am busy Wednesday. But I am free Thursday? (Good, unless she picks Friday or Saturday. Then tell her you only have Wednesday and Thursday free.)

3. Yeah, I'd love to go, but I have to [any excuse, such as talk to my brother, give my cat a bath, or 'save the world']

 

Also, each time we went out she's come to my house to pick me up then dropped me off afterwards, the first night we went out she even bought me a drink..

She was VERY interested in you.

 

I've decided that I will tell her I can't find anyone else to go to the movie with me and would she like to come

As mentioned, don't make her feel like she is the last person on earth you want to be with.

 

Plus we're good friends and I know if I tell her I like her and she doesn't like me back I will never be able to talk to her the same again and our friendship will on my part be kaput!

Friends? You mean she comes over, hangs out, you work on your car, drink some beers, and shoot things?

 

No, you mean that you still have a crush on her. Admit it!

 

hard to say no to, I'm not asking, and I'm not making her feel like a last resort!

Never do something that makes it hard for her to say no. What, are you trying to trick or force her into going out with you? Worse, if you deny her the opportunity to say no then you will never find out how she feels about you.

 

Hey, we should go see that movie on Friday, you're not doing anything are you?, If you have plans, cancel them, I'm more important!, pick you up at 7?

Too pushy. See my advice above. However, good attempt at being funny. It shows confidence in yourself which is VERY important. So, keep that in mind. Just don't go too far! For example, tell her "I'm more important" in a different way such as "You know you cannot pass up a chance to hang out with me, think of all the photographers who will be trying to take my picture. You'll be famous!"

 

Oh, almost forgot the next line.

By the way, you're driving!

Way too pushy. Besides, what is she - your mother or some sort of taxi service? The MAN, if you are going to drive, should drive. You need to be the one who steps up and takes care of her, not the other way around.

 

If it was with me she would have the initial chance and that is that... I mean she should want me, if she can't say yes right away then that is her loss.

If you give chances you are just disrespecting yourself.

I absolutely 100% agree with this. In addition, you are disrespecting HER by pushing things. You only have to ask once. There is only one answer. It will not change.

 

My personal opinion is that you've made a serious of somewhat serious mistakes (group date, emailing, asked her out and she said no but you ignored it, hinted at the movie instead of asking for a date, trying to "take it slow" when you have not even started anything) but you potentially could save it if you ask her on a date using a line kind of like what I mention. You absolutely DO need to judge her reaction to being asked out on a DATE. I think you've got a good chance of it working out, but only if you do not hesitate any longer.

 

Oh, and for reference, gentlemen don't kiss and tell, so stop talking to your friends about her. If it comes back, you will have committed another social blunder - treating her like a conquest, like a piece of meat, and lowering her value in a social standing. You need to be discreet and not let anything about you and her get out. Otherwise, she may think you are going behind her back and trying to trick her in some way. That would be a fatal blunder in my opinion.

 

So, bottom line? Ask her out. I think you've got a good chance at success.

[mrwrong24]

Ok, I told her she should come to the movie with me, she said that would probably be good.

 

Now I'm thinking she's interested in doing something with me but I can't talk to her at a movie.

 

Geez, I wish I wasn't so nervous around her at work and had to send emails, for some bizare reason I get nervous near her at work but I'm fine if we go out. STUPID

 

How's this?

 

I'm sort of thinking, as much as I'd love to see King Kong I'm not sure I could sit still for 3 hours on a Friday night, plus I'd rather we could actually talk rather than looking at a big screen, and I'll be able to download it in a few weeks anyway lol.

 

If you're up to it we could instead go for drinks (minus the BRC cronies whom talk about work) or I know a great Pizza shop in Shepp, you did say you like Pizza, you're not a vegetarian or lactose intolerant are you?..

 

Or, you could think of something.

 

But If I've got your hopes up really high about seeing a 7.5 meter monkey smashing cars we can still do that.

 

Let me know...

 

Feedback is much appreciated.

[mrwrong24]

In regards to my comment that she said that would probably be good, those weren't her exact words but she bassically said Cool..

 

Sh1t, I need to go clean my car!!

A shave wouldn't hurt either!!

[mrwrong24]

wait, hrm, I eaither shave or clean my car, I shoudn't really do both, I'll shave and remove all the trash from my car but I won't clean it, I don't want to look like I've gone to too much trouble, or do I?

A dose of air freshener in the car should do it.

 

This is weird for me because I've been in two relationships before but I've never been on a date!

[registered]

Hey mrwrong! Good work!

 

Yeah her comment means it will be all good. Don't stress!

 

I'm sort of thinking, as much as I'd love to see King Kong I'm not sure I could sit still for 3 hours on a Friday night, plus I'd rather we could actually talk rather than looking at a big screen, and I'll be able to download it in a few weeks anyway lol.

Yep good stuff.

Don't email her, do it in person, tell her you want to spend with her instead of that ape. (Shyness sucks, I feel your pain, but I'm sure she doesn't mind your shyness).

 

Don't ask her to think of something - you suggest it.

 

Don't sound indecisive either.

[registered]

Cleaness is cool, make sure your car is clean enough.

 

Yes, shave too.

 

Make a good impression

 

edit: so is cleanliness lol.

[mrwrong24]

I agree, I need to do it in person but geezuz, when ever I'm around her I can't even string a sentance together and I loose my sense of balance..

I've tried the old "turn your nervousness into happiness" easier said than done.

 

Ok.. I need her to come over to my building so I can show her a procedure for whilst I'm on leave.. perfect!

 

Anyone know of a non alcoholic confidence booster? lol

[mrwrong24]

I also feel somewhat guily because I broke up with my gf only 3 weeks ago.

I'm not sure what she thinks of that which is making it harder

[registered]

I also feel somewhat guily because I broke up with my gf only 3 weeks ago.

I'm not sure what she thinks of that which is making it harder

hhmmmm, there is this thread that might ease your mind

[mrwrong24]

When I say 'broke' up I mean 'broke' up as in nobody got dumped, we decided it wasn't going to work and called it a quits, but I was somewhat influenced by the fact that 1 I wasn't happy and 2 I went out and had fun with someone I've liked for ages. Basically I realised I wasn't happy, it's not going to work, I can do better and find someone I click with rather than just being with someone for the hell of it.

[mrwrong24]

Ok, interesting thread, well I feel ready, I was over her before we broke up and I can assure you, the problems with that relationship can't be carried forward.

Without giving too much away, let's just say I couldn't keep up and began to feel like an object rather than a person!

[registered]

When I say 'broke' up I mean 'broke' up as in nobody got dumped, we decided it wasn't going to work and called it a quits, but I was somewhat influenced by the fact that 1 I wasn't happy and 2 I went out and had fun with someone I've liked for ages. Basically I realised I wasn't happy, it's not going to work, I can do better and find someone I click with rather than just being with someone for the hell of it.

Sounded like a good idea, it's great that you were able to realise and admit this in that relationship. Well done!

[mrwrong24]

Ok, she just wants to be friends or I stuffed up somewhere

Well, she seems interested in going to the movie with me yesterday

 

Today at about 3 I asked "So ya coming tonight" she said "to what"

Instantly I though "If you don't know what I'm talking about you're not interested" I said "The movie" she asked what time it was on I told her and she said I've got too much work to do 5:45 isn't enough time, I said it's on at 9:10 too she said she probably wouldn't be out of work by then either.

She said to let her know if it's any good and she will go see it, she didn't say maybe another time etc etc.

So, F%^K her.

[registered]

Ah, well that's a shame mate.

 

Next time.

 

Anyway sounds like she could be a friend so that's a positive.

 

Good work anyway, it was great that you made a go of it.

 

Take care.

[mrwrong24]

One of my 'female' friends at work said I should give it another go, but I'm inclined to accept defeat and move on, no use flogging a dead horse!

 

I've kinda of decided, maybe, maybe one more chance, if she asks me out I will go out but I'm not making anymore moves unless I know for sure she wants me to, but from what I've gathered she just see's me as a loly friend..

 

Oh well, it obviously wasn't meant to be.

[mrwrong24]

There is the posability that

 

She really was busy and just wasn't up to it (then why didn't she say another time)

or, she's as nervous about the whole thing as I

 

But the most likely thing is that's she's only invited me out all those times because she thinks I'm a good friend.. Doesn't make me feel any better but oh well, IT'S HER LOSS!

[mrwrong24]

Still, I can't help feeling. Boring, ugly (that's not true) and just no fun.

She probably wasn't my type anyway and it probably would never have worked.

[mrwrong24]

If anyone out there us paing attention.

 

Should I keep trying or am I wasting my time????

I really like her and don't want to give up so easy?

Am I just going to make myself more depressed than I already am??

[mrwrong24]

If you feel a spark, does it mean only you feel that spark, if you melt when you look into someone eyes is it only you who is melting?

If you're dying to kiss someone is that a one way feeling?

 

If you wake up in the morning and think that person is beside you, do they do the same?

 

basically, when should you call it a quits?