What the heck?

[analyticalgirl]

OK, I'm really beginning to think there is something wrong with me. I have this terrific friend in my life, she has helped me through so much and has help me to grow as an individual tremendously. I absolutely treasure our friendship and would never want anything to come between us, but there is a slight problem. I’m very attracted to her, not just physically. I love spending time with her and there is a part of me who would love nothing more than to be with her. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her some how and it scares me because I think there’s something wrong with me. This has been going on for a long time and I’m not sure if its normal and happens to a lot of people or if I’m an obsessed freak! What is up with me?](*,)

[mgirl]

I don't know. If you have a 'problem', then so do i!

[UT]

Well your problem is that you're in love with your best friend and there is nothing wrong with you. Love is blind. We can't help what we are feeling and we can't decide who to fall in love with. Have you considered that you might be gay or bisexual? I'm assuming you have since this is where you posted.

 

There is nothing wrong with being gay or bi it is as natural as being straight. You are just in love and that only a problem if she's not feeling the same for you as you feel for her.

 

Have you though about trying to get closer to her or maybe finding out if she's possibly gay or bi?

[analyticalgirl]

DO you think about some one almost constantly everyday?

[unicornq]

The same thing happened to me about 8 years ago. My friend and I spent much time together and were each other's huge emotional support. I appreciated her personalities and capabilities very much, I found myself fallen for her. She was boyish and I was feminine. We had some "secret language" of our own, and we even had special names just between the two of us. But neither she nor I were les. And I sensed that she saw me as a close friend only. Eventually I was able to control my feelings and nothing beyond friendship happened (Those are the poignant memories...). We are still good friends now.

 

To answer your another question - when I am in love, I think of the person not only every day, but every few minutes.

[mgirl]

DO you think about some one almost constantly everyday?

 

I think when you think about someone constantly every day there is nothing wrong with you. To me it seems natural. It seems logical that the more you like/love/are attracted to someone, the more you will think about them. Although it can become frustrating, enjoy the ride, there are worst things you can be thinking about! If it becomes unbearingly intense, consider trying to raise the topic with her or somebody else. Quite often, this kind of action relieves the tension a little.

[pianoguy]

If it becomes unbearingly intense, consider trying to raise the topic with her or somebody else. Quite often, this kind of action relieves the tension a little.

 

Is that really true? I've had this problem more times than I care to admit, crushing on my straight best friends. I find talking helps a tremendous amount, but the problem eventually comes back and requires more talking.

 

Also, is it ever a good idea to discuss this with the crushee? I've had a tremendous crush on one of my straight best friends for close to two years, this adorable guy with furry black hair and bright eyes.... sigh.... anyways... uh, I can't help but think that to tell him about it would only cause major awkwardness between us. I think he probably senses my feelings, he's very intuitive and I've told him I'm gay, and he doesn't mind gay people at all, but I don't see how a discussion would lead to anything but awkwardness. Discussion isn't going to turn him gay.

 

I'm curious to see what you guys think, because to be quite honest I've felt driven to tell him for some time. My heart tells me to, but my brain is holding me back, and my experience thus far has taught me that the heart is a terrible judge of such situations.

[unicornq]

... but I don't see how a discussion would lead to anything but awkwardness. Discussion isn't going to turn him gay.

 

I'm facing a similar situation now (crushing on a "non-love-type" girl in my class). I totally agree with this.

 

I'm curious to see what you guys think, because to be quite honest I've felt driven to tell him for some time. My heart tells me to, but my brain is holding me back, and my experience thus far has taught me that the heart is a terrible judge of such situations.

 

I'm having the same struggle too. I guess the major cause of such dilemma can be the intensity of feelings. When my heart cannot handle more intense feelings, it wants a way out (to release the pressure). That's why it is persuading me to tell my crush... But my head said "no". And given the fact that my college class will end in a week and I won't see her anymore after that (well, unless I take the initiative to...), silence is certainly a better choice for me.

[analyticalgirl]

Well, here's some more info. on this whole thing. She's a lesbian, I'm not sure exactly if I'm lesbian or bi...but that's not the issue. I've told her about all this and we talked about it.

 

She and I are very separated right now, she's in the United States and I am in Europe. I went to vivsit her this summer and we taled about it while I was there. We had talked about it before and everytime we talk about it she ask's, "So what do you want to do about it?" This question always terrified me because I didn't know what to do about it. I'm young and inexperienced, she's 8 years older than me and knows a lot more than I do.

 

While I visited her, after we talked about all this, we ended up in her bed.....twice. After all of that was over, we were both confused on why it happened? Was it because we were aroused and had some sexual frustration going on or was it because we both wanted it to happen a long time ago? I've been attracted to her for a long time and wasn't aware that she was attracted to me a little too.

 

But, what this all comes down to is...we are both confused. She wants to toss this up to being honry and in a room with someone who would gladly take care of it for her. I don't want to call it that at all. I don't know if she thinks of me often, but I can't stop thinking of her. I don't care if we ever have a relationship...she's a great friend and I wouldn't mind for it to stay that way.