Calling, Calling, and Calling (HELP ME)

[ElektraHere]

Hi There,

 

I have posted here before but I never have much luck in responses or advice. I am going to try it again

 

I have a pet peeve when people say they will call and then they don't. I take it personally, I know I shouldn't because there might be circumstances that makes the person not able to call.

 

Well when I don't get the call I end up calling the person a million times. I get in this panic or tunnel vision of calling and I can't stop. After I have done it and I do get a hold of the person I feel like a complete and utter fool for reacting the way I did. Recently I did this with one friend I really really value and I thought I had screwed up the friendship from my reaction. I didn't and we are still friends. I explained to him my thoughts and apologized. He said I didn't have to but he accepted nonetheless.

 

I feel that I just lose control like if they aren't going to call me then I will call them. It's so wrong to think that way but like I said in the beginning I take it personally.

 

How can I stop this pattern of behavior and not take things so personally? Has anyone else ever done this and how did you overcome it? When they say they will call should I take it with a grain of salt?

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[passions1]

Well it all depends on your personality character. A more of a patient type of person or not? Sometimes it takes time & more life experiences to grow more patient. For example, it takes alot of patience in taking care & being attentive to a young child. Maybe baby sitting might help you develop more patience.

 

Also, in terms of not taking things so personally, consider doing some charity work or volunteer events with those less fortunate to keep you more grounded. You'll learn from volunteering that what you take things personally about doesn't require as much of your concern compared to what is more important going in your life. Be able to learn how to prioritize what requires more of attention or not.

[ElektraHere]

I am in my 30's my babysitting days have been over for about 15 years. As for the volunteering that is a good idea.

 

I am not a very patient person be it phone calls, driving, work, etc. How does one learn to let things roll off their back and just go with the flow?

[lillady898]

How does one learn to let things roll off their back and just go with the flow?

 

Experiences and a mix of different personality traits. This is something that I think you can't consciously learn or teach yourself, but it is something that you can definetly consciously practice. How? An immense amount of self control. In your case, do whatever it takes so you don't call even when you have that urge. Tell yourself whatever you need to hear, keep busy, turn your phone off, etc.

 

I know how hard it is to keep cool when people get a bit unreliable, but in the grand scheme of things, some things are better left alone (particularly if it's something that isn't repetative).

[Shadows Light]

I am in my 30's my babysitting days have been over for about 15 years. As for the volunteering that is a good idea.

 

I am not a very patient person be it phone calls, driving, work, etc. How does one learn to let things roll off their back and just go with the flow?

 

Take up a hobby that REQUIRES patience. Martial Arts, Painting, putting together a jigsaw puzzle, sewing, counted cross stitch, go to your local ART SUPPLY store... I'm sure you will find a craft that will tickle your fance... they all take PATIENCE.

 

Plant a Garden.. you learn tonz of patience from having to cultivate and gorw something.

 

PHONE CALLS. I'm bad about returning calls and I am bad about picking up the phone. WHY? I have things to do. Working full time and caring for 2 small kids... and keeping a household running... takes a bit of doing. I'm past the days of COFFEE CLATCHING etc.

 

ALSO.. there are times I do let the answering machine pick up...and depending on who it is, I'll pick it up or not. RUDE??? No, not at all... if its a friend of mine who is a really negative person and down in the dumps all the time, I might not pick up. Because I know I'll listen to about an hour of WHINING. She asks for my advice and opinion..but never helps herself or acts on it. And there are days... tonz of days.. I am too mired in my own muck to deal with someone elses MUCK.

 

If you feel your... lack of PATIENCE is causing you difficulties. Go talk to a counselor... they would best be able to assist you in working on those skills.