is my best friend really a friend

[imtired]

Sometimes i wonder if my best friend is really a friend. It hurts me greatly to say this, but I don't feel as though she is a friend. My best friend is this wondrerful person who shares the same interest as me, and our personalitiies are very much a like. The problem stems from the fact that every once in a while, she won't pick up my call and she won't call back until a couple of days later (that annoys the hell out of me). Another problem is that, sometimes she'll be very talkative and happy to see me, than there other times she will be completely quiet. As result of this, I kinda hold a grudge because I expected more out of her. I'm not exactly sure why she acts that way, it's probably because I'm a guy and she's a girl. Maybe it's true that guys and girls can't be best friends. As a result of her hot and cold behavior, I do not pick up my phone when she calls and I flake out on our plans. I know this is being a little passive aggressive, but what can i do. I don't want to confront her because it would seem as though i desperately need her friendship. Why do girls act that way? The odd thing about this whole situation is that she would come by my work just to say "hello", which gives me the impression that we are still cool. I wonder if all girls act this way to their best friends. Am I wrong from doing exactly what she's doing? To any girl who reads this, is it in a girls nature to be hot and cold to their best friends, especially if the best friend is a guy?

[good_charlotte_freak2]

Yah. Girls are normally hot and cold. You have nothing to worry about. But I don't know if you should be hot or cold right back to her. It might give her what she calles a clue.

[Echo]

I'mtired...this is exactly WHY I have very few female friends. I cannot take their moodiness. Yes females are like that to their female friends..ESPECIALLY if they feel like the other girl is "competition". I am female and I really try to NOT be this way...although with hormone fluctuation it is not always easy.I would sugest you PLAYFULLY confronting her about her behavior..maybe joking about how she's hard to pin down or hrd to get a hold of. She might not know it bothers you so much....

 

Question though? Do you like her MORE than just a "friend"?

[patience]

Be honest with her. Tell her how this hot/cold behavior of hers makes you feel. She may have no idea that it even bothers you. Explain to her why you have been inconsistent lately. Have a heart to heart talk with her. Maybe she is sorta flaky with everyone. Maybe she is not as into the friendship as you are. Find out the truth, so that you can make wise choices for yourself about how invested YOU want to be in this friendship.

 

Just be upfront with her. You are best friends afterall!

[SoMuchLove]

How long have you two been best friends? and has she ever called you her best friend?

 

Sometimes the best friends thing can be a little one sided. She may be your best friend, but that doesn't mean that you are her best friend.

 

I can say I'm in the same situation you are in. Only I'm trying to figure out if she is my friend or just if she said that because we decided not to be in a relationship...we know the line "I don't think we should date so let's just be friends". Well that is an automatic response to that question, so now I think she doesn't see a friendship either...despite how much we have in common and are alike...

 

There were days when she wouldn't even say hi to me when I saw her...yet she talkd to everyone around but me...But hey, all I have to say is be strong and stick it out until the answer becomes clearer...

[imtired]

Thank you everyone for your replies. This girl and I have been best friends for a couple of months now and we both tell everyone that we are each others best friend. I really don't know if I'm interested in her or I just see her as my little sister. The thing is, sometimes when I look at her, i could imagine myself being totally in love with her. But then there other times when I look at her, I'm not attracted to her. I am really confused. Personality wise, she's perfect, but when it comes to looks, she's cute. That's the problem I don't want cute. To me cute represents youth - a little girl. I want a women. I don't know... I'm just very confuse. I don't know if I like her or not. I think about her everyday, but i'm sure if it's because I'm single right now. I guess, if I know she likes me as more than friends, than I will definitely like her back. It's weird how people tend to like or fancy people who like them.

[traz]

I'm in a situation similar to yours...and yes I've encountered "hot and coldness" from this girl, who is also my best friend. I don't think its meant to be some kind of insult to you, its just how some people are. I think its kind of..."childish" for lack of a better word, for you to purposely not pick up her calls and and flake out, just because sometimes her mood bothers you. If it really bothers you that much, you should try and bring it up in a light way...but to do little things like that out of spite isn't right.

 

As for liking her, I also feel the same way that you do, I'm not sure if I actually have feelings for her (I don't want to, as its happened before and didn't work out)...but yet, if she told me tomorrow that she had feelings for me, I know I would go out with her in a heartbeat. Strange eh