Girlfriend had bad start...

[kiwiguy5]

My new girlfriend lost her virginity earlier this year (March)to her ex-boyfriend who basically dumped her as soon as they slept together.

 

I can sense now that she may well delay any kind of sexual contact with me because of this experience. I'm afraid that she's afraid that I might do the same. I give her as much reassurance I can as I genuinely have intentions of a serious long term relationship with her.

 

The other problem is that I'm 10 years older than her (I'm 31) and obvioulsy far more sexually experienced then her. This also is a concern for her as she is inexperienced. I really dont care how much experience she has but I can still feel her reluctance due to these two things. At the same time I can tell she has desires and wants an intimate relationship.

 

Clearly communication is required but can anyone assist with additional advice?

[RandomAdvisor]

How long have you two been together?

 

I think you have a pretty good handle on the situation. Just keep reassuring her, and give it some time.

[kiwiguy5]

We've been together a month. I'm not desperate to sleep with her just yet obviously but I can forsee it may become as issue in the not too distant future. I may be jumpung the gun but want to be as understanding and supportive as possible.

[whatfor]

A month is nothing. Wait till she is ready and has feelings for you to have sex with you.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Her knowing that she can trust you not to leave her will reassure her immensely. The best you can do at this stage (it seems you have been doing this already) is to stick by her and be there for her - nobody likes to feel used - and when she is ready I'm sure she will let you know.

 

She basically has to establish trust.

[babycristy456]

That is good that you consider her for a long term relationship. The best thing is to tell her this. However, do not bring up the conversation so much that she thinks you are only in it for the sex.

 

It is understandable why she is hesitant to trust a guy again after her ex. You got to help her trust you, and the way to do that is to be patient and prove you intentions to her, not just say them. She will eventually come around once she has your trust.

 

For the mean time, just enjoy her company. Relationships are not only about sex. Sex is important but communication, connections, interests, and spending time together as more important.

[smallworld]

Hi Kiwiguy, With any relationship but particularly one where someone's been hurt before by the repercussions of sexual intimacy, it's best to take things slowly. If you truly care about her, you'll let her know that you're willing to wait however long it takes and that you're willing to let her dictate the pace of things. Trust is key here and the less you push, the more comfortable she'll be opening up to you emotionally and eventually sexually.

 

Like BabyChristy said, take the time to get to know her and just have fun. Romance her and make her feel cherished. When the time is right hold her and make the magic last as long as possible. Rediscover the art of kissing, touching, holding one another, and truly connecting with her. These are the things that will encourage her that you're the guy she can trust with all of her.