Learning to Trust Again (General Discussion)

[PixieDust]

I wanted to see what everyone's views and experiences were when they stopped trusting and learned again within the context of a relationship.

 

How did you overcome a loss in trust of people?

[shorty20]

I think that in the event that trust is lost in a relationship, in order to restore the trust, two things need to happen. First off, you need to want to trust this person again, and you need to be willing to let go of the past and not hold it over their heads and bring it up every time there is an argument. Second, they need to realize they have some making up to do, some trust building, and they need to show with their words and actions that you are worth the work it is going to take. I was cheated on after being with someone for a year and a half. I took him back, and we dated another year and a half. In the end, I did grow to trust him again. He never made me regret taking him back. Not once. He was filled with remourse, sadness, and I could tell he was sorry. If someone is truley sorry for their actions, you can feel it. Above all, trust your instincts!

[PixieDust]

How do you draw the line between cautiously skeptical and untrusting?

[Cynder]

I tink I am just starting to learn to trust my husband again after his indesretions. He never actually cheated, but he had a very inapropriate relationship with a girl on the internet, he hit on a girl he works with while he was with me, he claimed he was still in love with an odl girlfriend, etc...

 

Now I get a little freaked when suspicions are aroused....

 

One time I was leaning over the bed to look for something and saw (what I thought) was an empty condom wrapper. We don't use condoms because I'm on the pill. I grabbed it, to find it was a wrapper with the condom still in it. We had gone to a concert a few weeks prior where they were passing out free condoms and we both took some just for the heck of it. IT was one of the condoms from the concert.

 

I think the worse thing was one time when he wasn't home. The phone rang, and her's how the conversation went...

 

Me: Hello

Her: Is ***** There?

Me: No, may I ask who's calling?

Her: This is Kelly

Me: Can I take a message?

Her: No, no message, I'll just try back later

Me: Can I ask what this is about?

Her: Bye

 

I imidiately called him where he was and asked who this Kelly person was. He just kept saying "I don't even know anyone named Kelly." I never actually acused him of anything, but I just couldn't bring myself to believe him based on his track record. He came home and we argued about it, then I finally realized I could dial *69. SO I did, got the number, and discovered it was actually a telemarketer from Maxim Magazine. I think Kelly needs to brush up on her telemarketing skills, lol. God, did I feel stupid. I couldn't apologize enough...

 

That was the worst, but there have been a few other incidents like this. He has always proven himself faithful. Through these things I am learning that he is trustworthy.

 

But yes, I know all about learning to trust again...

[PixieDust]

I've been thinking about this, why I posed the question and why I'm having a problem trusting people. It seems like most of the time my mistrust is not unfounded. I've been through a lot over the past year, 2 cheating boyfriends, a guy posing as my friend but ended up using me, a guy who asked out both my friend and I, and the latest I have become a victim of an internet predator. As I'm writing this it seems almost unbelievable. If I saw someone else writing this I would probably think they were making all of this up but it's all true. I've gotten to the point that I just don't trust anyone anymore and I don't know how to get past that.

 

I've been very down lately. Whenever I have a bad dream about my ex I go through this down cycle and end up depressed and questioning everyone and everything. It's been a long time that this has been happening and I don't know how to make it stop. If anyone has any advice on that or on how to trust people again I'd really like to hear. thanks.

[msprague]

Once bitten, twice shy? My trust issues are directly related to my previous long term relationship and the insecurities I have dragged like a boat anchor tied around my neck. I'm struggling to hold the fear and panic inside when my girlfriend sends me an email telling me she's leaving work early to go have drinks with the gang but doesn't ask me along. There's more to it than just that but in a nutshell her behavior is beginning to mirror the behavior of my ex-wife just before I discovered she was cheating on me. I can honestly say that I feel like damaged goods these days because of the distrust and jealousy I am feeling towards this woman I love so very much.