Depressed, Can't Say I Love You, Don't Want To End It Either

[drifter1984]

I'm in my first serious relationship, of about eight and a half months right now... and i have issues. i'm 21, she's 19. I don't think she's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. but i like having her in my life and spending time with her...when im in that mood. other times i get annoyed with her and i like spending time alone listening to music, doign stuff by myself, etc. and i dont like to be bogged down by having to talk on the phone etc. i don't know.

 

but she's starting to use the 'i love you' thing. and i don't think i want to say it because 1) i don't know how i feel...probably dont 'love' her... and 2) using it will only make our relationship more serious.

 

but i dont want to break up with her either. this makes me depressed and i want to curl up in a ball.

 

i just don't know what to do.. help...

[melrich]

The end game of all relationships is not a lifetime commitment. Find out what she wants. Tell her what you want. It is a hard conversation but whatever way it turns out she will respect you for having it with her.

[Serendipity1607307077]

I would have to say that if you have been with her for eight months now, and you're still not sure if you are in love with her or not... then you're not!

 

I think you enjoy having her as a friend and enjoying her company, but you don't want the seriousness of a full-on relationship.

 

Thing is, relationships don't have to be hard work, they don't even have to be full-on!

 

I think, even if it's difficult, perhaps try talking it out with her... Communication is so important, especially in long term relationships. It does hurt, but I think you will find that your gf will prefer you to tell her what you are feeling as opposed to hiding it from her (she might start thinking that you are cheating or hiding something else from her!)

 

Maybe even just say, I really like being with you, but I need "me" time.. and make a compromise. Choose a day that is for your "me" time - and don't talk to your gf. Do things you enjoy, ie. play computer games..

I think you will find that even having this one day to yourself will help you immensely and won't make things too overbearing.

 

Hope this helps!

[drifter1984]

any more input anyone? i dont really know what to say thus far... other that im incredibly selfish.. . sigh

[Serendipity1607307077]

You're not selfish - everyone needs alone time.. it's part of being alive!

 

(Except me - I think I'm the only person in the world who hates having alone time! hehe)

 

Don't feel bad about asking for alone time - if this means that you can feel better about your relationship, I think it will be worth it!

[drifter1984]

no, i just haven't explained anything.

 

i'll be completely honest - we're not perfect robots, we're human.

 

i like the positive aspects of the relationship, i dislike the negative aspects of the relationship. and it depends on how i feel at the time.

[kellbell]

It sounds like you care about her but in love with her. And maybe scared of being alone, hence, the reason you don't want to break up with her. My advice is to talk to her about how you feel, because before you know it, she is going to start pressuring you to say "I love you" back causing you to get backed into a corner. You 2 are in different places and in fairness to her and to you, you need to talk to her about the direction of your relationship. Take care and good luck with everything.

[BlueBaron]

I agree with everyone. Talking to her about how you are both feeling is probably your best bet. Its more than understandable that you want to have some time to yourself, its not like your married already right? Both of you need to have time with your other friends and doing other things.

 

Just keep in mind, no one LIKES being confortational, its just a part of being in a relationship. There's just about always SOMETHING that's gonna be hard to confort your g/f (or b/f for girls) about.

 

So chin up and good luck!