Did anyone else ever experience something like this?

[spiderwoman III]

I really need to hear from someone who has experienced something like this. I am a married woman who initiated a friendship with a married man. It was always strictly platonic, but I grew to really love him. He always told me that we could only be friends. He has had a lot of unsuccessful relationships, and wants this current marriage to work. I might add he also has a bad temper and is very thin skinned.

 

Anyhow, we really got to be good friends, meeting a few times a month to talk in public places, and e mailing and calling. But today on the phone he told me that he doesn't know if he wants to continue. I had given him a hug, and he thought that was crossing the line, and he got very angry.

 

I know I should never got involved in this. What I need now is help. I feel so depressed. I don't think he will decide to continue this, and I feel awful thinking of us never being friends anymore.How do I continue on without calling him, etc.? How do I maintain my dignity and all?How do I move on? I feel so down on myself, like I just hate myself. Help!

[DN]

The way to get over him is to concentrate on your marriage and find in your husband the friendship that you thought you had with this other man.

[spiderwoman III]

Thanks DN . I have tried that. This man just holds something on me, I don't know what it is. He can be so sweet, and then such a mean SOB. How do I deal with this? I just feel awful. I do not know why he has this hold on me, and it scares me.

[DN]

You can make decisions here. You say he has a hold on you but he only has that hold because you allow it. So make a decision that you will let him go from your life.

 

You control what you do with your life in matters like this. Take back that control and exercise it wisely.

[jna35]

Well said DN.

[Shadows Light]

Spider... turn your back on him and keep walking. Don't look back. Don't contact. Don't email. Keep walking...

 

And then... look to your own marriage and figure out, what is missing. What is wrong that you need to tend to...

 

Occupy your time and your energy to something else besides this guy. WALK AWAY NOW!!!!

[spiderwoman III]

Thanks to all of you. I am trying to walk away, but finding it hard. I actually called him twice-he was OK the first time, the second he was really cold. I really want to just be free of this. I miss him-I am sorry to say this. But after that last cold conversation yesterday, I am really seeing what an angry man he is.

[Shadows Light]

Maybe he's not angry with you. But angry with himself and his lot in life. His coldness displayed for you could be his attempt at NC...

because he see's that he needs to clean his own skeleton closet out.

And involvement with you will only tangle the web even further.

 

My advice still remains the same. Look at this as fates way of giving you a heads up... something is NOT right in you present relationship. Take a long hard look at what you have.. and how you can fix it.

 

If you feel that you are at the end of your rope... and have exhausted all possibilities... then what is the point of remaining on the same viscious circle that you have been on?

 

People come into your life for a reason for a season or for a life-time. Call his touching your life at this time ... divine providence. And deal with what you have been sweeping under the rug.

 

If he is a friend... a true friend. He'll always remain there for you. In person or in spirit.

[Shadows Light]

Well.. not all people respond to in spriit stuff I guess...

 

However, I do have friends who I consider friends. And becuase of circumstance or distance, we don't see each other on a daily basis. Or we connect every few months or when ever we can. Does it mean I love them less? No. In my private reveries or my private moments I may think of them fondly.. and it might trigger me to pick up the phone or shoot them an email and say.. "I was just thinking about you.. how the heck are you".

 

OR... there are people who may have touched your life briefly. For a season or so. And for whatever reason you walk away on journey on. I keep those memory's.. and I take them out for review every once in a blue moon. And I smile and think of them with fondness. So yeah.. in spirit is not such a bad bad thing. And it works for some of us. Its only in the context that you look at it.

[BeRealistic]

Im sorry, but I am new here and browsing the forums. I hope that I am able to express my opinion, and hope to not offend anyone too much. The thing that gets me the most is that you are married, and concentrating on a relationship with another man. That is what I find wrong with ppl today. I came looking for advice, on my current situation, but am reading some pretty nasty and dirty things that really lead to someone, if not multiple people being hurt. I am just shocked that these things that happen are becoming the norm in society, and it seems that nobody has any values anymore. Now given, I myself am no angel, but just reading some of these things that are going on, how can one not go into a relationship not expecting something terrible to happen??

[Shadows Light]

BeRealisitic... Welcome to Enotalone.

 

Yes some of the things you read here may shock you and give you an education that you didn't bargain for. Truth is stranger than fiction. Where do you think some of the best idea's for Novels come from??? someone gleaning a story from a live happening. Some of these things have been happening forever. But you don't see them, or you don't hear about them.

 

Didn't they say that with the advent of TELEVISION... society went to heck in a hand basket...because now everything is televised. Everything is recorded.

 

This... the internet is a distinctly different format. You can be sure that sociologist for years to come will offer thesis and analysis of how its affected society.

 

But the wonderful thing about enot.. is knowing. You are not alone. Many of these issues are not totally unique to yourself. Call it what you will.. a shift in morality or value systems. But has it been recorded ever before in such a manner??? If you had an issue you could not work out ... where do you go? who did you talk to?? Granted this isn't a place for therapy or to replace counseling. But maybe it can offer someone some comfort, some direction, some peace. It is what it is.

[spiderwoman III]

Thanks, Shadow Light. BeRealistic's response certainly was not very helpful to me. I did not come onto this forum to be judged, only for some guidance. Judging others and society only makes it pretty certain that someone will be judging you someday.

 

Again, thanks.

[Shadows Light]

oops.. meant as a PM sorry.