I'm Lost

[caught_up]

Let me just fill you in briefly on my past. I've had 2 ex's. Both told me that i was a nice person (not impeccable cos i know i'm not) and that i was nice to them. But the thing is my 1st love cheated on me and left me for the guy she cheated on me with, and my 2nd gf opted for her other bf whom she claimed had hit her twice. Yeah, okay. I know i shouldn't have stepped into a love triangle, but she poured her heart out to me 1st. What's a fella to do?

 

Though i'm over my ex's, i'm not over what happened, meaning i'm totally at a loss as to how i'm supposed to keep a girl. The 1st one cheated on me and left me with my heart in pieces and the 2nd one just made me confused by her choice.

 

Anyway, i'm interested in a few girls (haven't yet decided whom i'm going to zero in on), and i know a few other girls are interested in me. Here's where the problem comes into play... should i pursue one of the girls i'm interested in, and risk being jilted again? Or should i just take advantage of the girls who dig me?

 

Maybe i come accross as a selfish jerk, but my 1st love taught me all that. She even said it wasn't wrong and it was her right to call the shot before marriage. And when i approached her mum and auntie for advice, they thought i was a desperate and possessive deadbeat. Not in those words, but sometimes subtlety says alot.

 

Well, thanks for hearing me out. Any suggestions or criticism is appreciated. But please understand that you're dealing with a fragile mind. Thanks for your feedback in advance

[dreamy333]

desparation is a turn off.... this is what you do get some self esteem. know with all your heart these girls would be lucky to have u. keep that attitude like you are the stuff but dont overdo it. mystery makes a good chase..

[RayKay]

Yeah, okay. I know i shouldn't have stepped into a love triangle, but she poured her heart out to me 1st. What's a fella to do?

 

A fella is to say no, that you are not going to participate in something where you are only one of the options...and where there is a boyfriend involved. You do have control over your own life and your decisions.

 

Anyway, i'm interested in a few girls (haven't yet decided whom i'm going to zero in on), and i know a few other girls are interested in me. Here's where the problem comes into play... should i pursue one of the girls i'm interested in, and risk being jilted again? Or should i just take advantage of the girls who dig me?

 

What bothers me here is it comes off as you are interested in someone just to HAVE someone. You don't mention you are interested in a particular girl because you have a connection, she had several positive qualities, she has similar interests etc...you state that you are just interested in a few girls. Why don't you take some time to get to know some of these girls, and find whom you are most attracted to and have a connection with...rather then just randomly zeroing in on one?

 

And why would you take advantage of girls that are interested in you if you are not that interested in them? WHY would you even start something with an attitide of taking advantage of someone? WHAT kind of healthy foundation, or respect for her, is that?

 

You are going to meet people who break your heart, and some whose heart you will break...that does not mean you need to become shallow and vengeful or selfish. So she was not a very good person...why would you take it out on others whom just may very well be? And it WAS her right to end things before marriage, she did not do it properly, and I do not ever condone cheating, but she did have a right to end things. Treating others badly...well it WILL come back to you. Maybe not today, but it will. You will be treated how you treat others.

 

You may be over your ex's...but you are not over what happened...learn to let go, put the past in past, learn from mistakes and learn that everyone is different, the girls you meet in the future are not your ex's, and don't deserve that treatment as if they were, nor do they deserve to be treated out of your anger and resentment. Work on YOU before you work on getting involved with someone new.

[Beec]

It seems to me that your relationships probably lacked any tension. Some tension is good and usually needed, especially early in the relationship. Tension is created when someone wants something and thinks they might get it, but don't know that they will.

 

I can be created when someone wants your attention, and you act aloof for a while instead of giving it to them. That time can be five minutes or a five hours or longer. When you give them what they seek and want, then the tension is released and they get an emotional high.

 

As far as which one of several women to pick, I wouldn't pick at all. I'd see more than one and get a rotation going, which would change as I figured out who I really wanted top date and did not want to date. This prevents me from putting too much into any one potential relationship. Eventually, I always figure out if I want to date someone more or not without too much thought.

[caught_up]

Thank you all for your opinions.

 

I must admit i was desperate when my 1st love was leaving me for the other guy. I even begged her to stay with me knowing that she had cheated on me. Now looking back, i couldn't be any dumber.

 

Anyway, i don't have low self esteem. I'm a confident person and sometimes i do think i'm the prize. But i'll usually humble myself and try not to get to a point where i get conceited.

 

In response to RayKay, i'm not interested in someone just so i can have or be with someone. In other words, i'm not as desperate as you may think i am. I didn't get into the details in my 1st post. The girls whom i'm interested in all have their strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else. And for this reason, i'm still undecided whom on my radar screen i should hit. There's a saying in Chinese, 'ride on a buffalo til you find a stallion'. I'm merely gf hopping til "the one" comes into the picture. If there really is "the one".

 

I don't think i'll ever break anyone's heart. Firstly, It's just not my nature to do that intentionally. And secondly, i don't think i have that much power or influence over anyone. Take a look at my two ex's and you might understand why. They didn't seem too upset when they left me.

 

For some reasons, most of the girls who show an interest in me are loose women anyway. So let's say i do take advantage of them, i seriously doubt any of them would be heartbroken. Maybe a little disappointed, but definitely not heartbroken.

 

I do understand my 1st gf had the right to end things. If it had been a mutual break up, it wouldn't have hurt as bad. It was the betrayal that killed and changed the way i used to think.

 

What i don't understand, however, is why people still believe in karma these days. I mean, i didn't cheat on my 1st. So why did it happen to me? How in the world did i draw all that negative energy upon myself? I treated her with respect, but what did i get in return? I would love to believe everything said in the Bible. But all that teaching in the Bible is only valid if everyone plays by those rules. And apparently, hardly anyone does. That guy she left me for is a Christian. Maybe you can disregard that and say he's just a nominal Christian. But he is pretty active in church. And let's not forget my ex's auntie, she's religious and given her age, you would think that she was wise. But instead, she said two timing wasn't wrong. Now, why don't you please tell me how i'm supposed to think?

 

Please know that i'm not here to cause a scene. I'm just letting you get inside my head. Darwin said it's all about the survival of the fittest, adapt or die like the rest. So should i hang on to my past beliefs of waiting for "the one" then self sacrifice? (which, by the way, could very well be obsolete in this modern age) Or should i change to survive? Please let me know ....

[Beec]

hhhhmmmm, I don't think you should stop seekign soemone who is the right one for you. I did not until I began datign my current gf. I think RayKay will tell you the same. The last I knew she was happy with her current guy, after having gone through a trying period with a different guy. Finding someone who feels right is too good to settle for less. So, don't change that.

 

If you should change, then maybe you should get a bit more into the "why", why we end up being attracted or not to someone. Whether someone is attracted to you or not is all about how they feel. And you can affect their feelings. When do you think it is ok to do so and when is it not? I think it is all about your motives.

 

I do have one bone to pick with you. If you wish to consider yourself Christian, which it seems that you do from your post, why are you judging who is nominal and who is not? Follow your own beliefs, please. But doesn't the decision about whether one worships correctly or nto get decided someplace other than this Earth?