Need Help....

[lizzy22]

Hi Everyone.

 

Ive been with my bf for 2 years.

 

I love him so much, but everything I do seems to bother him. I give him a little attitude when I have a bad day or something and he gives me silent treatment for hours, sometimes days because he says he is so sick of it.

 

My "attitude" is mostly a reaction to a bad day, or bad situation, but never anything serious. when I apologize, he just says, "always an excuse with you, but you never change!"

 

Ive put up with so much from him, but when he apologizes, I let it go. He does things I repeatedly tell him I don't like, but I don't yell at him for it. I love him regardless.

 

Well, yesterday was his bday, he told me the day before he might have to work, but he didn't know yet.

 

yesterday I didn't hear from him for a while, so I assumed he didn't have to work and we would have itfree.

 

So I planned a big thing for his bday the next day, then I finally call him because he hadn't called me since that morning.

 

He then told me he had to work.

 

I acted bummed because I had something really special. I did give him a little attitude I will admit, but it was only because I was bummed I couldn't give him his surprise.

 

So, we get off the phone, and since then he has not let what I did go. He won't even acknowledge the fact that I planned something for him and tried to make his bday special.

 

No, all he did was yell, and he even told me to take what I got him, and any other things i had of his and shove it ***!! He literally said he was going to go home (he was at work on his bday) and sulk because I ruined his birthday! He just wouldn't let my attitude the night before go!

 

This made me so sad, and since then, hes been so cruel and doesn't want to talk, so i just wrote him an email saying if he wants it over fine, I won't bother him. No response

 

It just sucks, because I am always trying soo hard, and he never appreciates anything, just yells when I do something wrong. He never sees the good in me, calls me names, and is just plain cruel so many times.

 

Why do I still miss him then. Its only been a day, and I miss him. I know I prob shouldn't stay with him, so what is the best way to just move on? Should I drop off his gift I got him, or just not bother with him?

[Bethany]

I think you should let the 'little boy' sulk and tell him to have his tantrums some place else if he wants to be with you anymore.

Why are you putting up with this verbal and emotional abuse? I think he knows his silence gets to you and he uses it as a tool to manipulate you. He's stealing your self esteem and you confidence because no one should have to put up with that.

You have a right as an equal in a relationship to be able to speak your mind and to be respected. I think you BOTH need to change and quickly before this relationship gets messy. Be very careful of this controlling, selfish man.

Try to see his point of view and how little he thinks of you to treat you so badly.

[lizzy22]

Thats the thing. I do think of how he sees me in his eyes. Yes, I do do some annoying things, but I doubt that anything deserves to be reacted at the way he reacts to me.

 

The other day, we got into an argument, and he didn't believe me, so he called me an idiot, a stupid kid, then called me a m**** f***r and hung up on me.

 

It has gone to physical violence once, because he became so enraged over something that he thought had to do with another guy. Turns out I did nothing wrong, and he didn't really even act sorry after.

 

We have broken up before, he says he is sick of the fights, etc, tells me I just annoy him, then he will call back, play the blame game, then tell me he misses me.

 

He hasn't returned my call, or my email, so who knows if he is serious this time.

 

I love him so much, and I know what I need to do, but God only knows why leaving a verbally abusive jerk like him is so hard.

 

I guess Im just clinging to the good times we had, and not to the way he treats me every time something doesn't go the way he likes it to. He has anger problems deeper than me just annoying him, because in reality, no one has ever yelled at me the way he does.

[lizzy22]

I have never done this before, he was my first love, so I hope that this feeling goes away soon, because I miss him, but not the verbal abuse and constant walking on eggshells.

[passions1]

If you feel like you're walking on eggshells with him then you are not being honest to yourself & him as well. Let him be mad so he can eventually cool down & if he is the type to hold a grudge over little things, then this will be annoying over time & just wear down the relationship.

 

If you feel like you have to try so hard around him, then you need to ask yourself if he is simply taking you for granted & maybe you have to try less?

[lizzy22]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I think that it may be over this time. He was enraged yesterday, and this isn't healthy for either of us.

 

I just hope that this is the right thing to do, even though I still love him so much. Im just confused...

[Mun]

Hey girl you know this is not a healthy relationship at all.

 

I think what you said in your email was right on. Let him get in touch when you WHEN/IF he wants to have a grown up relationship...until then take care of yourself.

 

I bet once you start treating yourself well you will ask yourself why you ever put up with this abuse. Don't let him yank your chain anymore. You are worth something too and you know it!

If he loved you he would not talk to you that way....and if you love yourself you won't put up with it

 

Tell yourself: I deserve respect and I won't give my time to anyone who doesn't respect me.

 

Best wishes!

[fine_wine]

i see myself a few yrs ago,in your testment.this will NOT get better,i know you love him..i know it hurts,but unless he gets help and acknowledges he NEEDS it then things will only get worse and im not trying to be mean but this isnt something you can sugar coat.God bless..