How could i be soo stupid?

[Jitrenda]

Hi All!

 

I'm really really struggling right now...I mean how could I be so stupid? Knowing what i knew? Why did i make the wrong choice? Why can i never make the right decision?

 

For those of you who remember. I found out i was pregnant and then i lost the baby. And thrown in there i was dating this guy (who is a doctor). Well, he and i are finished now, as he has gone back to his home country. And I MISS him SOOO MUCH!

 

If you don't want to read all of this, just scroll down to the bold and italicized text, that is where the main problem lies.

 

I'm really really struggling right now. I mean how could i have been so stupid? Getting into a relationship, knowing that he was leaving? And knowing that i would get hurt, and he would just walk away. Not very smart. But when i think of the times we spent together i only think of the good times, not the bad times.

 

I mean, i was in the hospital and he couldn't come visit me! And all he had to do was drive a little ways accross town!!! Saying he was busy with his family (who was visiting from his home country). And i have all my friends visiting me from my hometown (which is about a 10 hour drive) when they found out i was in the hospital!!! That is a big difference! Him not taking the time to drive accross town and all of my friends are driving 10 hours to see me!!! Then he didn't want me to come to the airport...as his family was there and they would want attention, and so would i (if i was there) and he didn't want to spread himself too thin. And that he wanted to keep the memories good, with no bad....

 

I mean he's 26....you don't hide behind your family when you are 26!!!

 

Sorry all i am just so angry and soo hurt. I am angry at him, but i more angry at myself. I am angry at myself for evening getting into this relationship, knowing that he was leaving and that it wasn't a serious relationship. I am not a person to have flings. I like serious relationships. I am just soo angry that he is unaffected whereas i am here, a big puddle of mess! But i chalk it up to, he was foreigner...and we all know the allure of dating people from another country. But still i hate that I MISS him TERRIBLY! That is what irks me.

 

I have e'mailed him, asking him if we are still friends or not, (stupid i know, i should just move on), but no reply yet, but still it's only day one.

 

I have realized that my problem is that i don't love myself, which is why my relationships with guys fail. My question to you all here at enotalone is: How did you learn to love yourself? Did you all have some methods or ideas out there that i could try so that i may learn to love who i am?

 

I am so hopeless.

 

Let me know please.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and reply to this!

[Echo]

Jitrenda,

 

Sorry to hear you're going through this. It's tough I know, but sometimes it's just NOT easy to keep yourselfd from falling for someone we KNOW we shouldn't. It happens to ALL of us.

 

First you need to STOP beating yourself up for feeling this way..and STOP taking the blame for what happened. If you look at it realistically, your ex sounded pretty damn selfish if you ask me. He couldn't drive 10 minutes to see you in the hospital?? Or see you at the airport??? That's TOTALLY jerky behavior!

 

You can love yourself more by NOT blaming yourself for HIS behavior.

See him for the jerk he is. You did nothing to be ashamed of. I think in time you will see he wasn;t as perfect as you may have thought.

Try not contacting him at all..even if he DOES email you back...

No wait, on second thought ..email him and say what a favor he did by leaving...and thank him.

Take care of you...

[MaxPayne19]

Yeah dont beat yourself up over the relationship ending...he was a jerk for not coming to see you. When he says he doesnt want to spread himself "too thin", thats just an excuse...Lay low and just dont contact him for a while, see if his attitude changes at all. Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that they all will be bad. You have to wipe the slate clean with the next person and slowly start to get to know them.

[Hope75]

Make a list of all your good qualities. Be honest, don't embellish. Ask your friends to do the same. Find out what kind of a friend you are. Have family make lists for you too, what kind of a daughter are you? What kind of sister?

 

Look at your list, the one that you made. You are a good person, worthy of love. Say it, believe it, choose to live it.

[MovingOn]

 

 

Hi Jitrenda,

 

Today is the first day of the rest of my life without the only man I've ever loved. As I type this he is on his way to the airport back to his home country three thousand miles away.

 

I got involved knowing the relationship wouldn't last more than two months. He didn't want to continue it long distance. I'll be surprised if I ever hear much from him again at all. I wanted to see him off, but he found it easier to go by himself.

 

I have only my memories and my tears this morning and the nagging question of whether he ever really loved me.

 

I am, however, consoled in the knowledge that I truly loved him, the memories I had with him, and the knowledge that this pain won't last forever.

 

Things will get better....hey, as for your ex not showing up at the hospital, I agree with the other posters. Priorities much? Trust me, you are better off not having him around. Don't respond to his emails.

 

It's not stupid to love. Just remember that the love you've given you already have yourself in order to give it, and someone else will come along much better able to receive your love.

 

Take care...