xenakis Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Do we have to let go of all hope before we have a chance to get them back? It is so funny, I know what I have to do. How to respect her etc.. But, somehow, even though I am really good at NC most of the time, I sometimes mess it up. I called her and broke down just a bit this weekend. After 1 month of strict NC. Pathetic. For some reason, it's like I had to know if she was still thinking about me. Link to comment
xenakis Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 hmmm... I know from friends that she did ask questions, but I am quite sure she is over and done with. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 You know what you have to do, it's just a matter of building up the strength to do it. I think sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to move on. Do NC this time and stick with it. You can do it. Link to comment
polaris Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Do we have to let go of all hope before we have a chance to get them back? It is so funny, I know what I have to do. How to respect her etc.. But, somehow, even though I am really good at NC most of the time, I sometimes mess it up. I called her and broke down just a bit this weekend. After 1 month of strict NC. Pathetic. For some reason, it's like I had to know if she was still thinking about me. Wow, that's almost identical to me; breakup, NC for a month, and finally felt compelled to call her this weekend, simply to know, as you said, if she was still thinking about me. The only difference is that I deliberately called at a time I thought she might not be around (although that wasn't certain, so it was somewhat risky), and sure enough she wasn't in. Didn't leave a message, although my call will be registered. I guess I'm trying to exploit the ambiguity in this case; if she called back (which she didn't), then I would know she was thinking about me, if she didn't, she may not have checked the missed call list. Yeah, I know, but I convinced myself, anyway.... Complete NC is the recommended action, I know, and I did complete NC for just over a month, but every day, which is a struggle, there is always that nagging voice "What are you achieving by this tremendous effort? What if you're actually making things worse, helping her to forget you when you don't want to be forgotten?", and it becomes increasingly hard to ignore. I guess the crunch is that NC is the way to move on, to leave someone behind, but how do you make yourself want to leave them behind? I don't want a new life without her, I want an old life with her. It seems impossible to commit to a difficult action of ignoring someone day after day, without truly believing in it. I want to believe in it, but I guess my partial failure this weekend shows that at the moment, I just can't truly let go, even as hard as I've tried over the past month. Link to comment
FCTex Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 I firmly believe that you have to act like they are gone, until further notice. As in.. You have to let go of your past relationship with her, in order to forge a new relationship with her, or anyone for that matter! Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 It seems impossible to commit to a difficult action of ignoring someone day after day, without truly believing in it. True! There has to be a point where you make a decision that NC is the way to go and you should feel more confident with your decision as time goes on. Sometimes it takes enough "effort" of trying to win back your ex before you see NC as your best bet. If you keep going back and forth between NC and contact, I think it's best to go all out. Call your ex when you want, say what you feel like you want to say. Eventually after enough rejection you will naturally see NC as the best course of action. Link to comment
xenakis Posted October 5, 2005 Author Share Posted October 5, 2005 Yeah, it is almost like I needed to be reminded that I was rejected to try and completely let go. It just sucks because I bought a lot of clothes with her and stuff that constantly reminds me of her. Link to comment
jigsaw Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Do we have to let go of all hope before we have a chance to get them back? It is so funny, I know what I have to do. How to respect her etc.. But, somehow, even though I am really good at NC most of the time, I sometimes mess it up. I called her and broke down just a bit this weekend. After 1 month of strict NC. Pathetic. For some reason, it's like I had to know if she was still thinking about me. No, you don't have to abandon all hope. But you do have to conduct your life in the now. The relationship is over right now. The choices you make and the person you see in the mirror every morning are what you need to focus on right now. Don't compromise your feelings, they are yours to have, and you only have yourself to answer to at the end of the day. Be honest with yourself, allow yourself to sort things out. Learn how to better yourself from the situation rather than fall into a hole. When you are a stronger individual, and are capable of doing things for yourself, and not for the sake of getting them back, then you can be effective with a second chance. They will not give a second chance to the person you were when they broke up with you, would a relationship work with the person they were when they dumped you? Both parties need to change for a second chance. As for getting that second chance, that will be up to the both of you. Time will tell, make good use of your time. Link to comment
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