being masculine

[stratguy620]

My gf and just broke up after 2 years together, and although there were several problems, one of the main ones is that she felt Im not very masculine. One of her specific examples is how she picks things for us to do most of the time, which apparently the guy is supposed to do. I dont want to act more masculine just for her, as I myself am pretty tired of my pu$$y, Mr. nice guy self. So, are there any ways or anything I can do to make myself more masculine? Any help is appreciated...

[darkblue]

Be comfortable with who you are.

Some women will not see it as a bad thing that you are so considerate of what they want to do, too.

 

I don't think it's a bad thing and I'm sure more will agree with me.

 

Don't change who you are in order to seem more 'masculine', a real man doesn't have to call all the shots.

[RayKay]

Real men (and women) are whom they ARE, and they don't try and manipulate themselves to satisfy others perceptions.

 

If you truly want to be more confident in yourself, and "masculine" you need to determine what that means to you, and work on it.

 

And your girlfriend did not sound like a great catch if she told you "you were not masculine enough" - I'd be interested in knowing what her idea of masculine IS exactly. I think maybe she just wanted you to take some more control sometimes (I'd get frustrated if I was always picking what to do) and express yourself more, and express your interests/ideas and such. She may have felt like she was always responsible for what to do, where to go etc and that can be frustrating sometimes too.

 

That or she was just looking for reasons to give you, when she just felt you were not the right fit. But you will fit with someone, just be whom you are.

[heloladies21]

Ever see "Fight Club"?

[HajiMaji]

Dude, I get this same thing. Whatever, screw that. I dont think you can get much girly then me. Do you know that I like to watch oprah? Thats just how I am. I dont have big muscles and I dont like to drink beer. I like to talk to people about thier emotions.

 

But man, i still feel masculine. What does that word mean to you? Does it mean spitting and cussing and workin on cars? Man, most of the 'manly' men i know are really not people I would like to model my life around.

 

There arent enough mr. nice guys in the world dude. I know everyone says nice guys are chumps, but really its the only way to be. It takes bravery and courage to stand out in that respect, but its life - its all ya got. Be yourself and do your thing and everything will work out. Im sure you are an awesome person as is.

 

With that said I will admit when my ex would talk down to me for not being masculine enough I would feel insecure about it. It took a while for me to re-realize that im awesome how I am, and there arent a lot of dudes like me. Im sure the same thing is true for you. And like someone already said, if shes saying that about you shes not a good person to have in your life.

[coma]

I tend to always post something opposite of what everyone else is saying... keeps things from being boring, right?

 

Yes, it is great to be yourself, and I agree it is bad to try to be something that you do not really feel inside. However, it is prefectly alright to try to be what you think is a "better person." Shy people work hard at being outgoing, depressed people try to lead happy lives, etc. If you really feel like you are being too prissy and want to strive for something else, you should be respected for that.

 

Here are a couple of ideas:

 

- Work out. I don't care what anyone says, nothing makes you feel more manly than some nice guns. Also, it is healthy. Healthy people tend to feel better about themselves and their lives, and thereforeeee more confident. Even better than just lifting weights, find a gym and hop in the boxing ring with an instructor. I love it.

- Don't be afraid to voice your opinions. When someone asks what you want to do, speak up and tell them. Don't worry about whether or not you are impeding on their fun. If they asked, they want to know.

- Get some tattoos, if that is your thing. No pain no gain, right?

- If you're 21 or over, keep some good beers in the fridge to come home to. Don't over do it, but just pop a nice cold one when you're relaxing with your buddies. Make it a nice dark beer - some Guiness or Sam Adams.

 

Hope that helps. If people respond giving me flak for this, I don't care - I'm too manly

[darkblue]

I tend to always post something opposite of what everyone else is saying... keeps things from being boring, right?

No, it just confuses the poster - unless you are genuinelly suggesting an alternative, and not just to be different.

 

Yes, it is great to be yourself, and I agree it is bad to try to be something that you do not really feel inside. However, it is prefectly alright to try to be what you think is a "better person." Shy people work hard at being outgoing, depressed people try to lead happy lives, etc. If you really feel like you are being too prissy and want to strive for something else, you should be respected for that.

If it's what the poster wants - fair enough.

 

Here are a couple of ideas:

 

- Work out. I don't care what anyone says, nothing makes you feel more manly than some nice guns. Also, it is healthy. Healthy people tend to feel better about themselves and their lives, and thereforeeee more confident. Even better than just lifting weights, find a gym and hop in the boxing ring with an instructor. I love it.

- Don't be afraid to voice your opinions. When someone asks what you want to do, speak up and tell them. Don't worry about whether or not you are impeding on their fun. If they asked, they want to know.

- Get some tattoos, if that is your thing. No pain no gain, right?

- If you're 21 or over, keep some good beers in the fridge to come home to. Don't over do it, but just pop a nice cold one when you're relaxing with your buddies. Make it a nice dark beer - some Guiness or Sam Adams.

How incredibly stereotypical of a 'man'.

If you want to work out - do it because you want to better your body. Boxing - I can't criticise too much; becaues I boxed. But I didn't do it to prove anything to myself - I was a man when I went into the ring.

 

You are telling someone who is shy, to 'voice your opinions'. And why not tell an obese man to lay off the grub?

It also sounds like you're advising the poster to be ignorant of other's wishes. Which is not such a good thing, and not a trait of a man.

 

Tattoos - are you kidding me? Tattoos do not make you 'more of a man'.

If someone wants get get a tattoo - of course they should be allowed. But saying that a tattoo would help you be 'more of a man' is just plain dumb.

 

Hope that helps. If people respond giving me flak for this, I don't care - I'm too manly

Ha - A real man would be able to admit when they're wrong.

[RayKay]

Hmmmphhh...I work out (lots of cardio with mountain biking, but weight training too) and have some good muscles, voice my opinions, I have a couple tattoos and have beers in my fridge. Damn it, I must be a guy! My boyfriend will be rather alarmed.

 

It takes more than doing what is "seen" as masculine to be masculine. Masculinity and feminity both come from whom you are, and traits from one do not supercede the other. I really hate when certain things are classed as either feminine or masculine - I think it really prevents people from both sex's sometimes pursuing things they might enjoy, or being whom they really are/want to be.

 

I am ALL for working out (as fitness/health is so important in my life), and having opinions and enjoying some good beer (and if tat's are your thing, then that too - but don't get them to be more masculine, as that is a just plain stupid reason). But the bottom line is he should do those things as they are GENUINELY what he wants, what he gets pleasure from.

 

I don't think anyone said he should not improve himself, but he should do what HE enjoys, and be whom HE is - not do it for others. I find a man whom admits to enjoying playing with puppies and having a fondness for girly drinks, and whom respects others far more "masculine" then someone whom pumps iron just to be more masculine

 

It's not WHAT you do, it's HOW & WHY you do it - honestly.

[darkblue]

Hmmmphhh...I work out (lots of cardio with mountain biking, but weight training too) and have some good muscles, voice my opinions, I have a couple tattoos and have beers in my fridge. Damn it, I must be a guy! My boyfriend will be rather alarmed.

 

=D>

[coma]

Dark Blue,

 

Welcome to the Internet, you must be new here. The Internet is a wonderful place full of information and entertainment. Anything you read here should be taken with a grain of salt. Lighten up, learn to laugh, and try not to be so defensive. Very womanish of you, if I do say so myself.

 

{ducks and runs for cover}

[coma]

 

I am ALL for working out (as fitness/health is so important in my life), and having opinions and enjoying some good beer (and if tat's are your thing, then that too - but don't get them to be more masculine, as that is a just plain stupid reason). But the bottom line is he should do those things as they are GENUINELY what he wants, what he gets pleasure from.

.

 

Exactly what I said. If someone is changing themselves in ways that feel right deep down inside, it is not trying to be something other than what he wants. My suggestions were supposed to be taken very lightly.

 

Seriously, though, it doesn't sound like he wants to be more "manly", but just more assertive. Obviously the only appropriate answer is beer and tattoos.

[darkblue]

I find it hard to take your suggestions 'with a pinch of salt'.

 

Infact, I find them unfactual, stereotypical and misleading.

But of course, I know your supporting responses will flood in any minute now...

[BellaDonna]

stratguy620,

 

You stated that your GF wishes you were more masculine.

 

One of her specific examples is how she picks things for us to do most of the time, which apparently the guy is supposed to do.

 

It sounds to me like what she is truly describing is more reciprocity in the relationship...that you both give and take equally. She probably wanted you to be creative ...which is very different than simply being "masculine".

 

I wouldn't take the whole "masculinity" thing to heart if I were you. Be happy and proud of who you are. If you're not true to yourself and start trying to act differently, simply to conform to an over-rated sterotype of masculinity, people will notice you're fake...and I think fakeness and comformity are much worse traits than lacking creativity/initiative to "pick out things to do".

 

BellaDonna

[coma]

 

Your attempts of humour can be misinterpreted as cheek and disrespectful.

 

I'll refrain from retaliating.

 

Fair enough. Instead of retaliating, perhaps you can offer suggestions like the original poster asked for. I don't believe he was inviting replies telling him that he is wrong to want what he wants. I do believe that he specifically asked for ideas on things that perhaps would make him feel more masculine. It gets very old reading replies of people who think that their take on life is the only correct way, and telling the poster that what they asked for is not right.

 

Small things like working out, taking up a contact sport, evening drinking dark beer and getting some ink work done might be just what the doctor ordered. Who are you to say what methods of achieving assertivness are correct and what aren't? Sometimes, it is the little things in life that make the day feel better.

 

Just my thoughts, completely serious this time.

[darkblue]

 

Your attempts of humour can be misinterpreted as cheek and disrespectful.

 

I'll refrain from retaliating.

 

Fair enough. Instead of retaliating, perhaps you can offer suggestions like the original poster asked for. I don't believe he was inviting replies telling him that he is wrong to want what he wants. I do believe that he specifically asked for ideas on things that perhaps would make him feel more masculine. It gets very old reading replies of people who think that their take on life is the only correct way, and telling the poster that what they asked for is not right.

 

Small things like working out, taking up a contact sport, evening drinking dark beer and getting some ink work done might be just what the doctor ordered. Who are you to say what methods of achieving assertivness are correct and what aren't? Sometimes, it is the little things in life that make the day feel better.

 

Just my thoughts, completely serious this time.

 

I'm glad you've found time for severity.

I already have given my comments and suggestions to the original poster.

I'm not saying my way is better or I know best. I'm saying that a man is not defined by how much beer he drinks or how much weight he can lift.

 

That view is, in my opinion, shallow and judging.

 

If the poster chooses to take up 'contact sport' etc. It's not my place to tell him any better. But I'm saying that he shouldn't feel that his ex saying he is less of a man because he doesn't choose a place to go - does not make him feminine.

[coma]

If the poster chooses to take up 'contact sport' etc. It's not my place to tell him any better. But I'm saying that he shouldn't feel that his ex saying he is less of a man because he doesn't choose a place to go - does not make him feminine.

 

OK, now we can all agree and play nicely. There are a lot of things that "make a person a man", most of which can not be easily put into words. I agree with your post above, though. My suggestions were just small material things that might be fun for him and help him develop some pride and self confidence, which lead to the more meaningful aspects of "manliness".

 

No, it doesn't make you a pansy because you can't decide on what to do. However, it does make that aspect of your life fairly boring. My gf loves it when I surprise her with a planned out day, especially because I am notorious for not planning things and just going with the flow. But it is also very nice when she gives me some hints for what she might enjoy doing.

 

Back to the sport thing, though, if it sounds like fun to you I really do recommend boxing for so many reasons. The conditioning you receive is one of the most intense of any sport, meaning you will likely be in the best shape of your life. It is a great conversation starter. If you do it and really enjoy it, people will see this and respect you for it. And it is also just a lot of fun to punch people in their heads without all the negative connotation normally associated with this sort of thing

 

Good luck bro!

[cacanor]

You might want to ask her what she really means and/or is needing. She has attached certain behavior to masculine... ask her.. if there were no such genders/descriptors... what is it that she is missing?

 

Is she just tired of being the activities coordinator... needs/wants your input?

Does she want to know your wants and needs? wants you to have an opinion? passion for something?

Does she feel like you are not sharing by just going along with what she wants? or maybe lacking in confidence to say what you want?

 

I would ask her for specifics... saying you are not "masculine" is too broad and definitions vary.

[abcd1234]

Hey stratguy,

 

Dont worry about being 'masculine', if she has a problem with who you are then it should have been up to her to get used to it. I dont think that a person should be forced into being something that they are not, if you are comfortable with who you are right now then that is fine, and it should have been fine for her too.

 

I hope this helped you out, and dont hesitate to ask if you have any more questions. Now go down a beer and hammer up some drywall!! lol

 

abcd1234

 

p.s. this is my first post as a non-royal member and it feels so weird!!

[DarknHandsome]

not picking where you guys go sounds more passive than un-manly. im the same way, sometimes i really dont care where we get food. Girls can be fickle though, my gf would try to get me to express my desires more though and maybe id feel like chinese so id say so cause thats what she wanted, but she doesnt eat like chinese food so she says no.

 

I mean is it really being decisive if other people are telling you to be? What if being yourself is just being laid back, why do we have to subscribe to other people's philosophies. Shoot im in a fraternty, drink beer only when i have to (worst tasting stuff ever along with regular black coffee imo), but i look at clothes online.. for fun. I talk about my emotions more than my gf does. I think the modern man isnt afraid of being called gay for being honest about how he feels. maybe we are passive, because women can be so domineering and baby'ish that we'd rather let them have their way so they dont get on our case.

[randy]

come on people . Let's not turn this into another pointless argument between opinions .

 

To answer tread starters topic . No one has an absolute answer . There's so much possibilities so just do what you feel is right . What everyone has mentioned so far seem to be more or less accurate .

[muscle militia]

- Work out. I don't care what anyone says, nothing makes you feel more manly than some nice guns. Also, it is healthy. Healthy people tend to feel better about themselves and their lives, and thereforeeee more confident. Even better than just lifting weights, find a gym and hop in the boxing ring with an instructor. I love it.

 

Uhhh so big guns are the answer? Pretty sure she grinded on how he was - not what he looked like!! Sounds like she is a garden variety of 'BEEEATCH'. If you feel the need to change, do so for you, not someone else. You are the perfect, original you. You may not be what she wanted, but there are those that are never happy. There wil be many who are in awe of your sensitivity and kindness. My other half has me spellbound. I was always afraid of the fury with which I love her. It overwhelmes me. Muscles and fighting is not the answer. Muscle is just packaging for whats inside.

Next time if you cant choose where to go 'WHO CARES?" just go, walk out together and find some place new. The most beautiful memories are the unplanned.

 

Oh and by the way - guns:

link removed

Champion bodybuilder and as yet unbeaten NRFA cage champ