prior experiences

[The_Doc]

Heh All

 

Just wondered how people cope with the 'will it happen again syndrome'.

 

I have been in a new relationship for over 3 months now and it is going from strength to strength. Trouble is I have been badly hurt and 'burnt' on three previous occasions over the years in long term relationships.

 

The last time hurt the most as I had put so much energy and commitment into it, given up a career for it and physically moved countries on two separate occasions.

 

Anyway the past has come back to haunt me recetly with some sour and hurtful communication from my ex and it has left me feeling very insecure about the current relationship.

 

I don't feel I can express this fully with the new girlfriend as she has this picture of me as a confident and smart guy and I don't want her to see a needy, insecure guy. However I worry about her commitment and about making the commitment and effort all over again only to find it let down again in the future. I feel so exhausted by this kind of stuff. All I want is to find happiness with someone who won't let me down, who will restore my trust in humanity and in 'mongamy'. I ultimately just want to settle down, have a family and grow old in the company of a person who will be my lover, confidant, best friend and if there is sucha thing, my soul mate.

 

What I worry is that my insecurities will erode the foundations of the latest relationship and ultimately the whole thing will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Am I alone in feeling like this?

 

Do people have advice or warm words to help

 

The Doc

[Love2Learn]

Hi Doc!

 

I hate the will it happen again syndrome- I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. It happens to me often. I just tell myself to pick my head up, that I have learned from my past experiences and I know how to choose better people for myself then my previous relationships.

 

I know that the fears can be very LOUD sometimes but you have to talk yourself through them. Keep reminding yourself that you have a lot to offer someone in a relationship. Stay focused on the positive aspects that you like about yourself... and if you still feel insecure sometimes...it's ok! We are human!!

 

Don't let a conversation with someone from the past ruin things for your future!

 

Best of luck!!

[HajiMaji]

Man, this stuff is hard. I understand not wanting to talk to your current girl about it. Maybe it would freak her out a bit, but at the same time she might be totally receptive to you and really care for you and this problem.

 

Being a part of a commited relationship can be the scariest thing in the world if you have been previously burned. There are fairy tales of dragon slaying and monster killing, that stuff is no problem. Putting yourself out there again is what is hard. I have faith you can do it man. You need to be brave! Face this stuff head on man.

[lillady898]

The only way I've ever been able to put that feeling to rest is by proof that it won't happen again. Only after I have experienced the same situation in a more positive manner have I been able to make my fears go away.