Venting....

[beachieca]

Is it normal for g/f's to be jealous of female friends their boyfriends keep in touch with? I feel like something is wrong with me and the way I act sometimes. My boyfriend of about a year has friends that he talks to every once in a while and I can't help but get this weird feeling inside when I go to his house and he's talking to her on AIM....or when I notice e-mails he gets from her...instances like that. Maybe I'm just jealous because I want to be the only girl in his life (other than his mother and sister etc.....). I understand that he wants to keep old friends and that it would be somewhat wrong to ditch them just b/c he has a girlfriend...that's why I've been trying to get over this and it is SOO not working. I don't let him know that it still bothers me because I know i'm in the wrong and that I should just be understanding and cool with it. I know that he would never cheat on me or lie to me...BUT, there's always a possibility. I know that some girls use this as an excuse, but the last "relationship" (not really a relationship at all....) I was in, the guy was always with someone else when I wasn't around and because we weren't serious, it bothered me, but I was okay with it. Could that at all influence the way I am with my current b/f? I mean, the guy I'm with now is soo different from anyone else...I love him more than anything, we have a lot in common, we have tons of fun together, my family likes him...all that good stuff. But I know that when I get jealous and insecure that it just pushes him away and that terrifies me....I don't ever want to be w/out him. *sigh* I'm just so...I dont' know....confused and definitely frustrated. Any words or suggestions or advice, or whatever would probably help. Thanks

[nuts]

hi beachieca

 

dont worry about the way you feel, its completely normal and you are most certainly NOT the first to go through it! its natural to "want someone for yourself" when you feel about them the way you do. you should understand however that just because a guy is on good terms with a girl it doesnt necessarily mean that there is anything more there. i have many female friends and when ive had girlfriends in the past i make sure that the fist thing they understand is that i have these friends, and thats what they are, friends, and nothing more. (wow too many commas there)

 

the fact that you can so easily say that he would never cheat on you or lie to you should make you feel more secure about it. try and push the "possibility" out of your head. if it hasnt ocurred in the year youve been with him, why should it now? its clear that this guy is nothing like the last so take confidence in that its not merely a repeat of the last relationship.

 

i hope i was of some help. take care.

[Hope75]

While a littlel jealousy here and there can be a good thing, I think you are right in realizing that if your bf loves you and treats you with respect and is honest with you about his friendships with women than it doesn't sound like you have too many worries.

 

It is not reasonable to ask your bf to terminate friendships he had with these girls before you just because you are now in the picture. Now, if he were flirting with them or being inappropriate than you might have reason to talk to him about that, but it sounds like the friendships are innocent enough.

 

What makes you insecure about this relationship? Has he given you any reason not to trust him?

[beachieca]

Hope75,

There was one time when we first got together that he lied to me. We were talking about being friends with people of the opposite sex and how we felt etc...he said that he didn't keep in touch with any of his ex's (which is true) and that he had never messed around with any of the female friends he has. Well, after I did a little "research" I found out that one of the girls he actually did mess around with. At the time (we had been together for about 3 months)when I found out he lied to me I was pissed...so I confronted him about it and he admited to it and I couldn't believe that he had lied to me. In my opinion, when people lie, it doesn't matter how big the lie is...the point is that they weren't honest. He felt so bad too...his eyes got teary because he was afraid I'd leave him, he swore he would never lie to me again, we talked about it and fact of the matter is, they didn't even talk very often...to this day he doesn't have her number and every once in a while she calls to say hi and I have no problem with it. Anyway, thats the only time he's ever lied to me...for a while It was hard to truly trust him again...but he gained that back and our relationship seems healthy in that aspect....if only I could get over my jealousy problem. He's always told me "they're just friends and nothing more...if I stop talking to them it would seem like there was a reason for it because there was something else there besides a friendship, and that's not true." And I believe that with my whole heart. *sigh* I love that boy so much!!

[acuraman]

Your not the only one that feels this way. When I got texts and calls from my female friends, my ex would always ask me who that was and what I was texting them. I would tell her who it was and show her what I had texted them. But when she got calls from her guy friends, I would ask who it was and she would reply a "FRIEND". I didnt care, but was just curious. This lead to many arguments later on in our relationship, and she would make up accusations about me texting girls at night and deleting them so she wouldn't see them. She also accused me of calling them when I left her home. I offered to show her my call history statement, but she refused.

 

Don't be that person that is always assuming things. You man sounds like he cares for you, if you care for him, you will let him contact his friends regardless of their gender. The girls that contact him were probably his friends before he met you.

 

Relax and trust him. Its not worth the argument, lifes too short and you could possibly be doing more harm than good.

[beachieca]

I think that the main thing that really made things hard was that I was always assuming things....letting my imagination wander. I'm better at it now, and when I start thinking things that, deep down, I know aren't true, I just remember how great he is and how lucky I am. I know he would never do anything and you're right....the girls he talks to are girls that he's know for a long time...definitely before we were together.