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How do I connect...


DocHoliday

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...with this girl who is completely opposite of me? We went on our date (my first) and I felt that I had messed up big time. She said it was fine and she had a good time. I feel like I am not able to connect with her. She is so social and outgoing and happy! I am a very sad and depressed person. I am trying so hard to pull myself out of my rut. She has been helping me so much. Not that I have talked to her about her pulling me out, but just her being interested in me has helped me so much. But for some reason, I just know it will not workout. She is a very independent girl and very, very self-confident. I am a very compassionate person who gets attached to people. I also so have no confidence, self-esteem, and I am overly self-conscious. I have no idea what to do.

 

She lives such a full and rich (not money) life, that is full of excitement and cool things. Like she loves to work on cars and knows what she is doing! WOW I LOVE THAT! I have never met that kind of girl! And she races dirtbikes, and is going to get sponsored! AWESOME! But me I go to school and go to work thats it. Then, if I am not working, I might hang out with my best and basically, only friend. I know she wouldn't want to be with me.

 

When I think about how she would view me from everything that I have done, and said, she would view me as a shy guy. Which I am. I really believe that she could help me with this. She is so nice to me, and I wish I could tell her how much I really, genuinely appreciate her friendliness.

 

I am going to ask her to Homecoming, but I have never been to a homecoming, or really done anything social, or danced for that matter. I feel like I am flying blind. Any suggestions?

 

Man I have never been this stressed out in my life...I just hope I can get everything to work out. I truly enjoy myself when I am with her. But since I am so shy and locked up, I feel like I am coming off as cold to her. Which is completely opposite of what I feel. What do I do!?

 

I'm pulling my hair out.....

 

Doc

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First of all always be honest, if she asks you something about yourself dont sugar coat it cause if she finds out you were lying to her even though you only did it cause you didnt want her to know how pathetic you think your life is the trust will be gone.

 

Also dont expect to much out of it, especially since you said you have no self-esteem cause then you'll look needy. Friends is a great place to start, if she really wants to be your friend then she wont care how sad your life is. Also it's a good way to build up your confidence especially if she does want to be friends.

 

Also to start off dont make things about you, you have to make things about her, listen to what she has to say and just pay attention, if you feel you dont understand where she's going with what she's saying just ask her nicely if she could explain it shows that you really want to hear what she has to say. Good Luck man atleast your making an attempt.

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I told you just be really supportive to her, and listen to what she has to say, dont pretend to listen actually listen and respond when you should. If you want to be memorable thats really all you have to do, she obviously finds you interesting in someway or she wouldnt have gone out with you. Your in her mind now it's up to you to stay there heh gl.

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Well, you know you don't have very good confidence. You know you're miserable, and you know you're very introverted. Since you know where you are, you can now figure out where to go.

 

Forget about the girl for a second and focus on yourself. By what you say you aren't a very happy person, and you don't appreciate yourself enough. If you can learn to appreciate and respect yourself, she will appreciate and respect you.

 

The first thing you want to do is to get into the correct mindset. You are looking at the world through narrow, glazed eyes, and aren't thinking of things in the right way. Remember that there is a right thing to do, and a wrong thing. If you aren't happy, then you are probably doing the wrong thing. Find out what the the "wrong" thing is, and stop doing it. Then find out what the right thing is, and do that.

 

Try what I did when I lived 14 years of my life being miserable and looking at everything as something against me. Say something bad happens to you. You're pissed off, and you don't feeling like even dealing with being awake, so you mope around or try to sleep the day away.

 

Something bad just happened. It sucked. But it isn't the end of the world. This isn't going to effect you in the far future, and it really won't effect you that much in the near future or present. Learn from the experience, put your head up, and move on. It makes no sense to dwell on how stupid you were in that particular period in time, so long as you remember how good of a person you are in the long run.

 

Finally, do what you feel like doing. If you don't live a very active life, find something you want to do and do it. Even if your parents don't want you to, do it anyway. Make yourself busy with something you love to do, no matter what it is. I garentee your quality of life will raise by several points.

 

Hope you figure things out, keep us posted.

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I am not to sure why I am so unhappy. Don't get me wrong, I live a good life. I have a job, great parents, and all that. Its just I am missing the whole girl thing. I haven't had a girlfriend, or a girl who is a friend period. And I know people will say that that is impossible. Well meet me! I haven't even had a girl who was a friend! I want that so bad. I know that if I got that, that I would be the happiest person in the world. Everything bad wouldnt matter. But...I'm me, shy and closed up. I have been going out of my comfort zone, but its so hard. Especially with this girl. I have stretched so far comfort wise. And tonight when I ask her to homecoming, its going to be an even bigger stretch. Any other tips?

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Well I asked her and she said yes, in a way. She said sure but she might be out on the dunes that day and can't come. As I said before, she is a serious dirtbike rider. She races them and is getting sponsored. So if in the event that she can't go with me, would it be to bold to ask her if I could tag along and watch her and her family ride on the dunes? And possibly teach me? I don't want to bug her, I just want to get involved with things she is doing. Get it? Any ideas or suggestions are highly appreciated. Thanks.

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