Cant let go of my ex, I love her too much! Heartbroken!

[scoobygt]

Hello all

 

Briefly, I was friends with my ex for 11 years (Age 14 started). We hung out with each other but nothing serious. She had an affaction with me from day one. We eventually got together when we were both 21. We were together for 8 months before I was transferred to another city (Transfer with current company) and career move.

 

We kept the long distance relationship going for 2 1/2 years but now we have split. I wanted to marry her but she wouldn't move to where I was. Being my first long term relationship this is destroying me inside. She started distancing herself from me and keeping herself ultra busy. I suspected someone else. All the signs where there. This entire year I've been running back to her like a love sick puppy.

 

Eventually I said to her if she wants me in her life then great, if not I'm moving on. Not once did she ask me to stay. I eventually said okay, I'm moving on.

 

I called her a few days later to try sort things out but she said I must move on as she has things to do with her life. I was devastated that someone who I thought truly loved me could just walk away so easily. I asked to please just tell me if she didn't love me anymore and how could she just throw away everything. She said she doesn't feel she needs to discuss that with me and blamed me for this because I moved.

 

It's been 8 weeks now and I still haven't received any of my stuff back from her. Its my credit card and a few other items. I want to call her because I miss her but I'm not allowing myself to do all the running back anymore and I guess I got the message, as hard as it is to accept.

 

I just see her as such a coward for not being able to say I dont love you anymore or I dont enjoy being with you anymore. She'd rather distance herself so it wouldnt hurt her as much! It wouldnt have made it any easier but at least known the truth.

 

Being my first true love it was a special relationship to me but also I am so heartbroken. It's killing me. I can't let go of her. I'm hoping shell come back but it's been too long now. I just can't accept you give up on something we both worked so hard at. The saying of "if you really love her, you'll let her go" I do believe in but its just hard letting go of someone who was so special. Someone who made my life feel so complete.

 

We where out a few months before we split. She saw her ex from 5 years ago. I wish I could explain the look in her eyes. Still emotion. I now see her "normal" process of hopping to the next guy after shes done. She has done it all along. Everyone is allowed there own opinion so heres mine. I think its wrong to just move onto the next guy to help with the pain. You never truly get over the pain. The new person might be all "butterflies" and everything else but it doesnt help. If you cared about someone, truly cared it would hurt like hell eventually. The grass isnt always greener on the other side. Alot of her friends and family where telling her not to move as she got a better life down there.

 

Any help to moving on? Each day I feel a little bit better but its so hard moving on.

 

PLEASE COULD ANYONE HELP WITH THIS: The day we split she said to me "She never got what she wanted and marriage still wasnt a problem"

 

It's like giving me "false" hope. I asked her about 2 months before we split, why doesnt she tell me she loves me anymore like she use to, she said why should I have to, you should know it by now.

 

Another thing that is so hard, is imagining her with someone else and sleeping with them. It's a killer.

[HajiMaji]

Moving on is ridiculously hard man. Youll get there but it takes a lot of time, patience, and sadness. Theres no way to skip any of those things.

 

Watch swingers. Hang out with some budies. Know that every dude has or will go through what your feeling.

 

She might come back, she might not. Its hard bro. Hang tough and go through the grieving process. Its like a death in the family. You have to moarn the loss, and dont feel shame in doing so.

 

My girl broke up with me the same time a buddy of mine's girl broke up with him. I choose to moarn the loss before moving on. He didnt. A year and some odd months later I am ready to date again, no matter who it is. My buddy has had his new girl for a while now, but each day he misses the first one more and more. Ya gotta get all the emotions out. Let yourself feel sad or mad or depressed or whatever. Once the feelings are out you can move on. Dont drink and dont ignore your feelings - but at the same time dont dwell on them. Sometimes watchin TV or playing a video game helps your mind take a break from the sadness.

 

Im here for ya dude, its a rough road - but youll get through. We always do, even though none of us think we will.

[scoobygt]

Hi there man

 

Thank you very much for reply. I know it going to take time. All I can think about is the wonderful times we had but as each day goes by I begin to see things as they are. Things started changing a year ago so was just a matter of time. She began putting everything in front of us. I do miss her and every now and then check my cell hoping she'll call but she wont. I cant imagine her with this new guy (no prrof but like said, signs where there). I'm a very sensitive and emotional person so this is hard. I hate thinking she isnt even going through half as much pain as I am because her new man will take her mind off it.

 

Thank you again.

[scoobygt]

We'll yesterdat was very emotional day. Just as you think you doing better...BAAM....something knocks you down. Tears for about an hour. Im tried of crying and I'm tired of hurting. Just want it all to go away but its not that easy.

 

Today has been horrible. Thoughts of suicide creeping in. I know Im not strong enough to actually get to that point but its that feeling I hate. Feeling of being worthless. Havent had dreams about her for about 2 weeks now but the last 2 nights its been about her family? Strange things I dont understand.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hey,

 

I'm in the same boat as you. I started NC on the 10th of this month. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.

[scoobygt]

Hi there

 

Do you feel like talking about it?

[NewPhillyGuy]

Sure, I wouldn't mind at all. How do you want to do this?

[scoobygt]

It sometimes helps to talk. If you read my story, great and thank you.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hey man,

 

Your situation is so difficult because you have known her for so long. You need to understand that it will take you more time to get over her, and that is completely normal.

 

It sounds like both of you were being pulled in two different directions. Those situations are tough, because you both have things in your life that you want in addition to each other. To me, it sounds like she wanted you to stay. You moved for your job, and there's nothing wrong with that. Seems like that upset her, and she closed off to you to shut out the pain associated with you going away.

 

Relationships involve sacrifice to make them work. It's not my place to say who should have done what in your situation, because I do not know your situation or the circumstances. I do know that it will only work if both people are willing to work HARD in order to make it work. It doesn't sound like she cares about making it work. She just wants it her way, and when it gets tough, she just closes down and forgets about the other half of the equation - you!

 

Your company transferred you. That wasn't your fault. Did you have a choice in the matter? Even if so, I'm sure you didn't want to let your career go stale if an opportunity comes along. It's not like you just upped and moved away for no good reason! You even tried to make it work! You are young like me, and you are waiting anxiously for the next opportunity to make something of yourself.

 

Personally, I think she's selfish. She wants what she wants, and since she can't have it, she's folding now and taking her losses. It really doesn't sound like she cares too much about you, your future, or your collective future together. If this is how she acts, I think it's for the best that she not be in your life. Definitely do not quit your job and run home to her. It might seem all nice because you are in love, but then what when you get home? Is she going to support you? She's not even supporting you emotionally now.

 

Forget her and concentrate on you. You need a girl who will think about you too, not this selfish woman. I know it's hard. I'm going through all of the same things you are right now. Get rid of anything you have of hers. Ship back whatever is hers. Demand your stuff back. Pay for shipping if you have to. You need to move on, and I know it will be hard, but you need to. This girl is bad news. She's unstable and far from committment material.

 

Write back to me. I want to hear your thoughts on what I said.

[scoobygt]

My mom and I read that and cant believe someone your age can be so wise. Thank you SO MUCH!!!

 

All her stuff is in a box. Want to send it but cant do that. I fully agree with on everything you said. I moved her because I was given two options 1) loose my job or 2) move.

 

Im still shocked by what you have said.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Don't be so shocked, bro. It's just the truth. Why can't you send her stuff? Just get that stuff out of there. The fewer reminders you have about her, the better.

 

That must have been a very tough decision or you, and I would have done the same thing. If the situation was that you had to go and she really wanted to be with you, she would have moved to be with you plain and simple. You need to have a job to be able to make a good life for yourself and her! Money isn't everything, but what kind of life would you have had with her with no job! Remember: It's not all about her! Relationship is about TWO people.

 

I hope that I shocked you in a good way:

 

1) You realize you cannot have a good life with a selfish woman like that.

2) You realize you did not wrong her by moving for your job and do NOT feel guilty.

3) You still need to have hope that good people are out there, because they are. It's just matter of you finding her, and you will. Trust me, man.

 

Let me know if you need any further words of wisdom. I'm just kidding. I'm far from a wise man. I just know how it feels. You can read my story if you are interested. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

 

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