Death

[LizZer]

So many people in my life are dying or putting themselves to death but all of those I have grieved but my grandfather died in may and I can't except that he is gone! I keep thinking he'll be back and be there but i can say that he is gone but my heart does not want to except that but my family is falling apart slowly my grandmother has turned for the worse big time she has pulled away from almost everyone! so I've never taken the time to greive the loss of him so now I don't know what to do I'm soooo lost!

[Jetta]

It sounds like he was instrumental in your family. Have you tried a grief support group? The local hospitals usually have them for free, it may help you work through the stages. Denial is one of the stages of grief. Yes losing a member of the family changes the dynamic of the family and people adjust/cope in different ways.

[LizZer]

I would go to councelling or anything like that but my mother is very demanding that we just get over his death she says hes dead now get over it! I know this is probebly her going through the grief process but she will not let us crying or anything nothing sad about him and it just sucks because he was such a great guy!

[Tigris]

It is very hard when you lose someone close to you. That happened to me when I was 25. Both my paternal grandparents died 2 weeks apart! I was very close to both of them. I loved them more than I love my parents! Like you I was lost without them.

 

My Grandfather's death was a blessing. He had suffered for a long time and it was slowly killing the family to watch this process. My Grandmother was a shock. I found her dead! She'd had a heart attack. My Father had had strokes so my Mother looked after him while I made the funeral arrangements. I just wanted to run away! My grief had to be pushed to oneside because I had an important job to do.

 

When everything was over I had to start to deal with my grief. I'd accepted my Grandfather's death because I'd cried over the months previously. I'd helped to feed him and lift him up the bed. I did anything I could to help my Grandmother. I found that I could remember funny stories that had involved him. The way he smiled, etc. How he'd looked like a little boy with a big grin on his face when I'd caught him out of bed looking in the wardrobe for an invisible dog. He'd been suffering from senile dementia too. I'd become the adult and he was the little boy. I'd adapted easily.

 

My Nanna (Grandmother) well that was a different matter. She was the matriach of the family. She was always there when I had problems to advise me. When my Grandfather died I stayed with her. I had to make her go to bed at night. That was the worst time for her. I could hear her crying through the wall and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I would listen and cry. I'd found her when she'd just died. I'd tried CPR but

didn't know what I was doing. I blamed myself. There was a lot of 'If only's and What if's' going through my mind for years.

 

I felt alone. I couldn't talk to my parents or my 2 younger sisters. None of them were coping. They were relying on me to hold everyone together. I had to be their 'rock' I had no choice. I'd hide my grief during the day when I was with them and cry when I was alone. Eventually I went to the Doctors and broke down in tears and he prescribed anti-depressants!

 

Remembering her wasn't the same as remembering my Grandfather. The first memory that would pop into my head was the scene when I found her. It was like a constant nightmare!

 

It took 7 years before I could bring myself to attend the Crematorium where her name had been placed in the 'Book of Rememberance'. It took a long time for my broken heart to heal so I could cope on a day to day basis. There are times now when I'm feeling down and the images of that day pop into my mind.

 

The good news is that although she is far away she has been to visit me on many occasions. My Mother and I smelt her perfume. My whole family were in her house on New Year's Eve and we smelt ginger wine and there was none in the house. She loved that. We all saw an open catalogue turn it's pages over and stop as though someone was reading it. We'd wait and then another few pages would turn. A couple of years ago someone sat down on the end of my bed when I was reading. I couldn't see them but I felt the mattress flatten.

 

Please keep an open mind about these things and your Grandfather may visit you. Don't be afraid. He will not show himself if he knows you are frightened but he will let you know in another way.

 

Your Grandmother needs your support right now. Visit her as much as possible. Sometimes she'll need you to take her mind off him and other times she may just need to talk. Try and talk about the good times. But most of all listen to what she wants. Don't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. If you burst into tears while you are with her don't worry. You both probably need a cuddle at this point. Don't forget that's one thing she'll miss your Grandfather for.

 

Finally, grief hits all of us in different ways. I deal with mine by putting it on hold and getting on with the important jobs. My sister, 4 and a half years younger deals with hers by blaming me for everything even if I haven't done anything wrong. And my youngest sister just seems to cry a lot.

 

I hope I've been some help to you.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

If you ever need to talk PM me.

[LizZer]

I wrote this poem thing after he died

 

 

Can it be?

 

 

Today when I awoke I thought it all was a dream

 

But it wasn't you were still gone

 

The pain still surrounded my heart

 

Crushed it like it was nothing.

 

My heart longs for you every second of the day!

 

I'm just wishing for

 

One last kiss with your pickers

 

One last smile

 

Even just a glance of those big beautiful blue eyes.

 

As each tear rolls down my face

 

Thinking of you again can't get you out of my head.

 

Your smell so fresh

 

Your face still there.

 

The picture of you is fading Every second of the day

 

It makes me hurt so much more.

 

No one can replace your size 13's

 

A tear or two fell from your eyes

 

And then you left

 

Your last breath we waited for

 

And when we knew it was the last

 

It broke us we all cried

 

We all held you as you left us

 

Cried to together

 

Our hearts were hurting On the same last day

 

As we longed for each other.

 

But these days can be no more

 

We have to learn

 

To face this world without the one we love

 

They never told us that life would be easy

 

But they do say This emptiness will go away

 

but nothing can ever fill your size 13's

 

Papa You Will ALWAYS Be My only SANTA [/color][/size]

[LizZer]

On friday now my aunt died we knew within a two or three weeks it was coming but we really expected her to get better everyone thought she would!

[Tigris]

I'm really sorry to hear your Aunt died.