advise_me3 Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 I need some advise about a different friendship. I've gotten to know a public figure. This person isn't exactly an A list celebrity but definitely known. (I don't want to give too much detail about the his/her identity on the board and hope you'll understand) I don't consider this person a "close personal friend," since I only see him/her 3-4 times a yr. I would like to think of us as friends though, or at least good aquantances. I've attended a few of his/her family functions, know the relatives and am in frequent contact with the family, been given backstage passes to shows and all that. The problem: I can't tell if I'm thought of as a colleague or a friend. It's making me really uncomfortable because I'd like to get to know the person better. It's weird because of his public status. Things I'd normally do without a thought (like call to say hi or send an email to see what's new) I'm hesitant to do in this situation because I don't know if I'm invading privacies that I know are VERY important to the family. Would it inappropriate to ask where I stand? Would that make me look stupid or make my "friend" uncomfortable. If it's ok to ask, how do to broach the subject? how do you phrase it to get an honest answer? (and not just a polite response)? HELP Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 In this kind of a situation, I think you just go with what they would like to have you be. They probably have a lot of people who are in ambiguous situations like yourself. Offer to help them in anyway that you can, but don't force the issue, it sounds as if they like to have their privacy too. Link to comment
advise_me3 Posted June 25, 2003 Author Share Posted June 25, 2003 In this kind of a situation, I think you just go with what they would like to have you be. They probably have a lot of people who are in ambiguous situations like yourself. Offer to help them in anyway that you can, but don't force the issue, it sounds as if they like to have their privacy too. This is part of the problem. I can't tell what role they want me to take. I'm often introduced as a "friend," have spent time with the family in non-working situations, been given home phone numbers and the like. Still something's making me uneasy about my status and whether they really want to be in personal contact with me. Maybe it's insecurity, but I wonder if I'm a "friend" or someone they keep around for business purposes. If we just have a working relationship thats fine. I'm happy to help out in anyway way that I can, but the amount of my "help" really depends on our relationship. I'll do anything for a friend, but I don't want to invest too much time in helping them if the friendship isn't reciprocal. I don't want to feel taken advantage of if they aren't genuinely interested in knowing me. Link to comment
cookies Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 Its quite understandable that you would feel that way. And i respect the way you've gone about it, because it sets you apart from being a "groupie". I have really good friends that play or either retired from the NBA...and know some of their families, etc..but i just don't hang out with them..because i just dont feel like being in that crowd all the time. They can tell the difference between a friend or groupie...its all in how u carry urself in their company...and how they treat and respect u if ur invited to a private party for instance... Its all about how you feel, if you want to spend more time with HIM...go 4 it. The opportunity lies there, if you have been given home phone numbers..its nothing wrong with calling up a friend from time to time to say hello. Do give him the opportunity to call you as well, dont blow up his two way, or cell phone that can be aggrevating. I RARELY called my celeb friends..they call me. Some of my celeb friends usta call me at 3 or 4 in the morning just to talk "junk"...u know? It was always pleasant to hear from them, weather they were in another country or the US...id always take their calls, cuz we were just cool like that . Ive called a guy friend's mom 2 leave a msg 4 him at 3 in the morning, and she took my call because i was in Europe and forgot the time difference haha... oops!... If u feel like calling,...then call. It's no big deal. Just take it easy, and dont try too hard to fit in like sum ppl do. Give them a reason to want to invite u to gatherings because of your loveable nature to be around. Just be urself, thats the best and most GENUINE approach. have fun...and let us know how it went. cookies Link to comment
segagirl Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 I think you answered your own question there. Are they in fact taking the time to get to know you? Regardless of what they do for a living friendship is friendship, we make an effort...they make one back. So If you email to say hi, how are you....and you don't hear back. Well then that would indicate where they draw the line with you. If you are interested in getting to know this person more, than take the steps to do so, being aware of thier schedule is prob. important as well. You will know pretty quickly if that is something they are interested in by the way they respond. Friendships should flow.... Link to comment
mmackenna Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 how lucky to be in such a position! But I think it's more than luck. There's a reason you're involved with this person and I am not, and that's because to this family you are set apart from every other ordinary person. You must be a good person and congratulations for it. I think if you would ask this person where you stand it might be uncomfortable. like if that nerd in high school came up and said "im you're friend right?" You'd feel obligated to say "of course you are" whether you could stand to be around the nerd or not. Think about what happens with your other friends? Do you and this person exchange personal details? If you do, there's a good chance that Mr./Ms. B list thinks of you as a friend. Link to comment
advise_me3 Posted June 26, 2003 Author Share Posted June 26, 2003 Thanks to everyone for their advice/thoughts: Cookies – Glad you can relate to my situation. I hope they think of me as more than a "groupie." I've known these people for a while and frankly speaking the whole "star struck" thing wore off a looong time ago. My interest in them has nothing to do with fame or notoriety. They're really just the nicest people and fun to be around...that's why I want to know them better. As for blowing up the cell – I'd never do that. I typically let them initiated our phone conversations. For the most part, I only call when I'm returning their calls. I'd feel funny calling out of the blue. Segagirl – I couldn't agree with you more..."friendship should flow." Well said. Mmackenna – Thanks for your kind words, but I don't feel lucky at all. The situation is actually making me feel kind of insecure, which is NOT like me at all. Yes we have exchanged personal details and I'm privy to information that isn’t meant to be publicized because I've gained some level of trust. Still our “friendship” is so ambiguous. I can't tell if it's my own insecurities or some hang up I have with them or if I'm correctly interpretting signals that they're sending about what my place should be. Link to comment
advise_me3 Posted June 26, 2003 Author Share Posted June 26, 2003 I still don't know what to do or how to get over this. I hope this thread hasn't depicted me as some sort of groupie, or desperate for friends, insecure person because I'm none of these. I'm actually surprised this situation is bothering as much as it is. It has been consuming my thinking. I've realized that it ISN'T because I so desperately want to be involved with these people. It's because they're mixed signals make me question myself. If I consider it a pleasure to know them, but if they don't think the same of me...what does that say about ME? The ambiguity is driving me crazy. I'm invited to private parties and family functions, told I'm welcome anytime, trusted with personal info and "behind the scenes" type gossip, given the latest phone numbers blah blah blah. Then I don't hear from them for 3 months or I get 2 sentence emails. I'll work with them on a project and then lose touch again. Things like that make me wonder if they're being genuine or if I'm being contacted on an "as needed basis." They're constantly saying stuff like "we're just normal people." In a private setting, they are just as normal as anyone else, but lets be real...they aren't the average family because of what my "friend" does for a living. Things that I'd normally do without a thought, like send a birthday card or whatever, I'm afraid to do for fear I'd come off as trying too hard or as some sort of groupie or obsessed fan. I wish I could sit this person down and tell him/her how I'm feeling and ask what's up? Mmackenna is right, though, I'll get a canned polite response. I'm tired of feeling insecure about this situation. I understand schedule and travel make it tough to stay in touch, but I need to know if this is a friendship or a business arrangement. If I didn't genuinely like the person so much, I'd blow him off or be indifferent about our interaction, but I do what these people to be a part of my life. What should I do? Link to comment
cookies Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 The only way ur going to be able to get over this hurdle of being uncomfortable with this situation is to pick up the phone and call him sometimes. I am not a celebrity, but my schedule is so buzy, its difficult to just call everyone that im friends with. I do have really close friends that are celebrities and some of us keep in contact every month, every other month, or just whenever we have mutual time free and thinking of the other,...even if we only talk for 30 minutes...it doesnt or hasnt lessened our friendships. Celebrities have buzy schedules, and if u want to be a part of your friends life, and altho its REALLY difficult getting over the fact that he is a celeb, you should call him up like you would with a normal friend. Taking into account that a phone call everyday may not be advisable, because they have press conferences, meetings and such an overwhelming schedule that they cant control sumtimes... I was out with another friend once going to the movies, and a fan came up asking 4 his autograph. It was a weird feeling, but I smiled and just watched in amazement, and we went in to the movies actin silly throwin little bits of paper at each other like any friends would do...but i was a bit uncomfortable when fans walked up to me afterwards in the mall and said.."HEy, I know you...werent u at the movies with so~n~no?" ppl have good memories, and i just choose NOT to be recognized because of my friends being celebs, or really hang out at gatherings...because i personally dont think that i fit in that crowd of ppl...when many chiks will..im just different... so just enjoy ur friend, and dont worry too much about what u should do..and just do it. People come into our lives for a reason, some for a season and some for an entire lifetime. Id like to consider my true friends as gifts from God, and in my life for a lifetime... cookies Link to comment
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