are there any helpful posts on breaking up out there?

[dustinthewind]

hey guys,

 

I just broke up with my bf last nite. You can all read the post under "breaking up" section. I was just wodnering if any one knows of any GOOD insightful posts that I can read...I know there was a good one by saltwatergirl.....but im looking for any others that people mioght know of that can kinda consol me during this rough time. i know people save a lot of the good posts....so...if anyone knwos of any...id really appeciate it a lot. Thanks.

[Gunther]

I don't know of any insightfull posts, but I can try to fabricate one:

 

People break up, it's a part of life some of us would like to forget, but not me, if no one ever broke up that would mean no one ever took that chance to be with someone they thought might not like them. In short, life is short, so take a chance, and if you get burned there is only one thing to do, as the saying goes "try try again".

 

Not that great, but hey, I tried. Feel better

[saltwatergirl]

I have gone back through your posts a bit.....I'm a little confused because once you said you were together almost 1.5 years (in June) but then started saying 9 months..........ANYWAY, I wanted to point out a few things. (If I have 2 different guys, correct me, I think it's the same one though).

 

1. You met on a dating site, right? So it is conceivable that he could meet someone from the internet again, which brings me to point 2.

2. You began posting in June/July that things were "off", that you felt something was wrong, and that you thought you must be overreacting due to some abandonment issues. This was your own intuition that something was going on. You were unhappy here.

3. You felt you were losing him again in June, and thought that maybe by saying "I Love You' this would solve it. You thought it was because you had not that he was unhappy. You were unhappy here.

4. In March, you caught him chatting online to girls and making plans to meet up. You dont know if he actually acted on it, but the intent was there. He was cheating online. You were unhappy here..

5. In July you AGAIN found evidence of his cheating online with more IM's he sent to other girls. You still stayed. You were unhappy here.

6. He now is saying it isnt gonna work with you because he hasnt fallen in love yet, after 10 months. Now he has left you (again). You are unhappy here.

 

Have you thought about all the unhappiness you've had just in the past 2 months? You and him have been off and on and off and on, and each time are attributing it to another cause. Your issues, your overreactions, his cheating, and now not feeling "in love" with you yet. How many different ways are you going to allow him to hurt you?? How long do you want to be sad? From what I can see he has done nothing BUT hurt you since March and taht's only because I only went back that far. I am sure there are other examples of his hurtful behavior. This is all just the past 4 months!

 

You have been a doormat. You have allowed him to do this, he did it because he always got away with it. He drops you when he has something heating up online, then is back with you, then back and forth it goes. But it all goes back to the internet. Remember point 2, where you "sensed"something was wrong WAY BACK??? Remember how you found him online? you were spot on then, and spot on since. He is cheating. I am sure of it. So are you.

 

And now the newest "i dont feel in love with you yet" is just another ditching effort on his part, figuring nothing else ran you off, why would this? How many chances does he get? He does not care about you.

WHEN will you reach the point of saying enough is enough and find someone who will not keep you in this constant roller coaster state? You have not been happy in a long time. You really haven't. From what I can see you have now spent the whole summer being sad at any given moment because of something else he has done, something else going on.

 

I am telling you now, that this guy is and has been online hooking up with other people probably all along, and stringing you along keeping you as a back up for the dry spells. I believe everything goes back to the internet (remember all that?) This was your sign. You didnt find that information for no reason. You snooped for a REASON. It was there for A REASON.

We are given signs all the time.

 

You need to get really angry about this. Get really really mad. Every post you've made that i read is nothing more than you searching for something, something to say, something to do, to bring him toward you. rationalizing, explaining, questioning, worrying.....Go back and read this. You have worked hard, and gotten nothing in return. You've made excuses for him, you've taken blame, you have forgiven the unforgivable and believed the unbelievable ---all in an effort to keep this person in your life. But it didnt matter did it? Because here you sit, again.

 

But understand this: A real relationship doesnt require this. It doesnt. You dont have that with him, you have a "mirage". You have a fantasy. You have a distorted view of him, what he is, what he says, what he does. What you had. Im sure you dont want to hear that or think of it, but you need to because its the truth. You have had nothing more than what you created in your own mind, because the reality is there, and it does not match the fantasy in your mind.

 

If I were you, I would ONCE AGAIN go to NC but this time not in an effort to win him back, or give him space, or draw him in. Id do it to GET MYSELF OUT of the fantasy so that I could see the reality for what it is. do NC in order to sit back and actually SEE what this guy has done to you, behind your back, and how he has twisted you into believing in something that isn't even there (the mirage).

 

Accept that this is done. There is no future, no what if, no down the line. It is done, girl. Done. Stick a fork in it.

 

You dont have to work this hard, think this hard, search this hard, to keep a guy with you. Or to understand things that dont make sense, or to "figure out" things that you cant figure out. Do you know that you dont have to analyze your own self this much just to understand a relationship? Well, you don't. I know, because I've been there.

Have faith in your own self. You have know all of this all along, you were aware enough to go searching and you found what you knew you would find. He has shown you who he is. It is time for you to accept it. Believe what your own eyes see, what your own ears hear, and what your own mind knows.

 

Go back and read your own history. Read your sadness. Read your questions. Read your own pain, because it is there. The sooner you remove him from your life permanently, the sooner that will go away. You will not find happiness with him. Ever. Only more of what you have had.

Find your legs, get up on them, and walk away. It is time, and only you can do this.

 

You don't need consoling. You need a real hard shove in the other direction. I hope I have done that.

 

Cowgirl Up.

 

Salt