My Messed Up Life...

[AzureSkyes69]

Okay I am back..yet again...

my situation is as follows..

 

I have been friends with this lady since around December and we have alot of fun together and we get along really well.But the thing is I have been having a sexual relationship with her on and off since then(more off than on I will explain) she has a boyfriend whom she lives with and treats her badly very badly ,maybe that is why I had to rationalize having something with her where she already had someone.The problem is that I have fallen in love with her and she has also become like a best friend.She tells me she does not know what to do about him if she will leave him or not,I think she should(not just for me or anyone else ..but for herself)

Another thing is she said she could easily leave him for me but wouldn't want to break my heart if it didn't work out.She says she cares for me alot more than a friend but she is confused.she told me to give her some time.And that good things come to those who wait.

She makes out with guys infront of me(which really makes me hurt & a little jealous I have to admit) and and hardly does anything with me anymore(not even a kiss).the other night we went out with some guys she ended up having sex with one of them..now she thinks she likes him and wants to get to know him more.I am very confused myself and hurt,

it seems we are just friends right now..but I want more,but if that is the case why does she tell me she really cares about me more than a friend I don't think she really knows what she wants or what she is doing

my heart is breaking..I do everything for her to try and make her happy,I write her poetry..surprise her with things I know she likes..etc.

don't think I can do much more .I guess I will stop trying to win her heart..

it is a lost cause..I think.

 

I am so hurt & so hopping

[Tigris]

She doesn't deserve your love!

 

She's using you! She knows that if anything goes wrong she can come back to you. She's known as a 'taker' and you sound like a 'giver'.

 

Obviously she's bi. Are you?

 

She knows you're watching when she's making out in front of you. Have you talked to her about it? If you haven't, do so straight away. Say, 'When you make out infront of me it makes me feel ...........!' (Hurt, insecure, jealous, etc.) 'I can't do this any longer because it's tearing me up inside!' 'What do you want from me?'

 

You'll know what needs to be done when you hear the answers.

 

Personally, I think you deserve someone better. A person who is going to take your feelings into consideration before they 'act'.

 

Look after yourself and take care.

[capricornprncess]

i agree with tigris, it sounds to me like she is just toying with you. she can't make up her mind of what she wants . You should have a serious talk with her, have her tell you if she wants to be with you or not. it's not fair to have you wait around for her until she decides when to make up her mind, let her know you are not going to wait around forever. but by the looks of it, it might not be in you favor.

 

hopefully everything will work out for you, if not there are a million girls out there who will appreciate you for what and who you are. i know you love this girl alot, i was in love once, but its not worth it if its making you miserable, and i'm not saying go out there and find another right away, bec. i guess u really love her, so its going to take time to forget abt her. just take your time, figure out what you want, and go from there.

 

good luck to ya!

[AzureSkyes69]

Yeah I am Bi and there is this guy i sort of have some interest in as well he intrigues me 8-[ .but don't want to make a move cause 1)I love her and I don't want to hurt her 2) I WOULD rather be with her 3) he is seeing someone now ..well kind of sort of. 4) don't think im his type.

Yes I know what I must do.I don't wanna be played and that is what it feels like to me sometimes.I think im just hurting myself over and over..and that is tearing me apart.

It always feels like I am not good enough for someone to wanna be with me in a relationship I don't know.I just wish I had someone to love that loved me back too.I feel like i am living in a soap opra..

 

[AzureSkyes69]

BTW forgot to mention ..when I talk about him around her she gets jealous .she knows him too.i don't think she has a right to be he is just my friend ..what do u think?

[Tigris]

The truth (I don't want to hurt your feelings) but I think she doesn't want a commitment with you and she doesn't want anyone else to have one either!

 

Sorry.

 

Take care of yourself and good luck.

 

 

***** Can somebody please tell me how to use the smiling faces? *****

[AzureSkyes69]

Yeah I am sure you are right... but hey ..i will survive & move on eventually!!!

 

thanks for both of your replies

 

 

*Oh! it's easy for the smliey's

when your writing and you have the blinking line just place that line where you want the smiley and pick the smiley of your choice..when you press it you will see something diffrent say like two dots and a P (for the teasing smiley) don't take it away leave it cause when you submit the text it will be a regular smiley in color thats the only way I can explain it to you..hope i helped.

[Tigris]

Thanks for the explanation.

 

I hope you find someone who'll love you better.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

PM me anytime.

[AzureSkyes69]

Your welcome !!!

 

Thank you!! I hope I find someone too.

 

okay! you take care as well.

 

 

[LotusKensho]

Hey Kleo!

 

I can feel for your situation, but as you can figure it out, by what everyone has been advicing, you'd be better off if you stayed clear from someone who plays mind games with you. I know, easier said than done. We've all fallen in love with someone who's so wrong for us and that's why we all can identify with your situation. But you know that following thru with this girl will just cause more misery than happiness, right? Knowing that is half the battle, so you just have to win the war within yourself.

 

Know that your more worth it than for someone to play these kind of games with you. No one deserves this, especially someone who is so ready to love. Okay? The gift to love someone with all their heart is worth more than all the treasures in the world. Remember that!

 

Be strong! Love always! And just breathe!

 

Laterz!

 

MO

[Cadence308]

Hey kleo, I think I remember your original thread way back. Is she engaged to this guy? It seems like I remember you saying that she was engaged?

 

What I'm thinking about your current situation is similar to the other posts. It really sounds like she doesn't know what she wants or who she wants to be with or even if she wants any relationship commitments. She's telling you she has feelings for you, then making out with other men in front of you, has a boyfriend and is still making out with other men, and also having sexual relations with other people besides her boyfriend.

 

Aren't you scared that if she wants you then she won't be able to be faithful to you? It sounds like you might get your heart broken no matter what happens.

 

I know that no contact is hard, but it sounds like it might help you get over your unrequited love. Someone sent me some kind of email the other day and it said something about, "The worst thing in the world is sitting next to someone you know that you can't have because you know they don't feel the same way about you." Just something to think about...

 

Keep us posted!

[AzureSkyes69]

Yeah I know what must be done NC.I am finding that difficult to do because seeing her hurts and not seeing her hurts.I just don't think she understands completely how I feel and I don't think she understands me or the pain I am going through or maybe she does not understand just low much I love her and how deep my feelings are..maybe she thinks of it as a joke a game..well I am done.

I can't stand the pain any longer.

I love her so much it kills me,I feel so empty inside like a hollowed out shell.I know I can't handle this pain very much longer.My faith in love has died...I feel sorry for myself all the time .I have parties every night(pity parties with myself) and I and want off of this emotional

rollercoster befor it derails.(remides me of thet Ozzy song,"Crazy Train"

some of the lyrics go "Im goin off the rail on a crazy train" that's exactly

how I feel.

[millaj]

I don't think she really knows what she wants or what she is doing

my heart is breaking..

 

I think you said it perfectly.. she is confused, and is brining you into the confusion. I've been in this situation before, fell in love with a bi girl who had a boyfriend.. she fell in love with me, but would only give me half. You deserve someone who will give you more than half dear.