Regret!!! I think! Maybe Just Confused....

[cassandra]

I had sex for the first time tonight with my bf. Now I'm kinda regreting it cause I wanted my first time to be reasonably special. I know it's so over rated, but I had in my head the way I wanted things to be. I guess Now I'm worried that now we've had sex now he's gonna leave me. I spoke to him about this and he promised me he wouldn't. But I can't help but have this nagging feeling that he will.

 

I was just wondering how did you feel after your first time? and did you have thoughts like I am having?

 

Thanks in advance

[Jinx]

From my own experience and listening to others, the first time isn't all it is cracked up to be most of the time when you get right down to it. I think in comparison terms it can be like that of the first kiss, to some extent. Some people have the first one and its stunning. Bam. Something to forever remember. Whereas others, it was horribly awkward and would rather isolate it to the forgotten brain files department.

 

Furthermore, movies are a bad influence on our outlooks. We watch the Romance ones, see any one of these events taking place and think - Wow I'd love to be in that position with so and so. Eventually we build up and up on the image and then when it does come and its far from that ideal, sort of pops our dream of what could of been (first time wise). Usually the times after the first are best. Less awkward, more experimental courage and usually improves there after as long as both individuals give towards that goal.

 

Another point, more towards the regret, maybe you truly weren't ready or did it for a reason other than love. You stated one worry surrounded whether he would leave you after this. Was the first time an attempt to make him stay? More importantly consider this, what was the purpose for the first time. What brought you to believe it was the time. Because of Love or because of possible Loss. Consider if you thought about that possibility before you decided. Usually, thats one source of regret, when we do things for reasons other than we tell ourselves and eventually realize thats the cause for the emotions.

[cassandra]

I didn't sleep with him to make him stay. If I get hurt out of this it's my own fault. We were talking about it last night before it happened and I come to the conclusion that physically I was ready but emotionally I wasn't. But I had sex with him anyway. It wasn't a horrible experience. Emotionally I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I guess I'm worried cause I've had guys tell me that sex is all they want from me. I know I shouldn't judge my bf on what every other guy wants or does. But I can't help but be a little cautious. I was quiet the whole way home and I felt really bad about it. He kept saying he was worried about me and was worried I would never talk to him again. I said I wouldn't do that. I guess the next week or so will tell me how things are gonna go.

 

Oh and first time sex is so over rated!

[sprkal]

My first time with my boyfriend (my first time ever btw) was one of the most special, amazing experiences of my life. I will never ever forget it. It did hurt, but he was so gentle and caring that the pain didnt really matter.

 

It makes me feel sad that you did not feel a sense of closeness to your partner after sharing such an emotional time... worse still that you think he may not love you at all (ie that he may leave you). If you have sincere doubts you really should consider ending the relationship, or at least taking a step back to think about it and maybe go a bit slower, as I don't think any committed relationship should be based on your fear of him leaving.

[DragonGirl724]

well my first time was my BF at the time's first time as well. so it was 'magical' kinda in that sense. lol it was also painful, uncomfortable & confusing. ha!

 

the fairy tale romantic -bed covered in rose petals, surrounded by scented candles, night full of passionate magical love making- is rare for first timers.

 

dont stress girl. if youre that paranoid about it, then chill out & refrain from it until you feel more secure in your relationship.

 

but im warning you, once you start having sex, its hard to stop. lol

 

-DG724

[Shadows Light]

My first time was horrendous. It was just terrible. And I'd asked him to stop, he didn't... the pain was like having a sword stick you and twist. Horrible horrible horrible.

 

Anyway. It happened with him that time and that time only. It was shortly there after that I'd decided that although my body was ready, my mind was not. I had some growing up to do. And he just wasn't the one.

 

And yes....... I wish it had been more special. And maybe that would have made all the difference in the world. BTW... it was a long long long time before I'd try it again.

[cassandra]

It wasn't a horrible experience, I just feel that I wasn't ready emotionally for it at the time. Do I regret it? Looking back on the other night No I don't. The only thing I think I regret was that my first time was in the backseat of his car. Not the romantic first time I had in mind. I am greatful to have shared that moment with him. I spoke to him about it and I guess my greatest concern was that He was gonna "love me and leave me" so to speak, and he explained to me that he wanted more than just sex from me. So I guess I'm a little at ease for the time being. I know I have alot insecurities and it was part of the reason I didn't speak to him the whole way home. But it's something that I'll get passed, and even if he does leave me now, it's my fault anyways. I kinda shut down while he was taking me home. He kept saying how worried he was about me. I feel so bad. But he still wants to spend time with me.

 

But thanks guy for sharing with me.

[Shadows Light]

No. Its not your fault if he walks on you. By your posts you sound like a very sensitive caring individual. You shutting down and trying to sort out your feelings, emotions, and thoughts is not a bad thing. Its something you had to do. And he should be understanding enough and caring enough to let you have your space with your feelings and thoughts. So, if he walks dear heart...it is NOT you or YOUR FAULT. Get that out of your head immediately.

 

I left my guy because I wasn't ready for a physical relationship. And I felt that it was infair to him if I withheld. He gave me the whole line of how he understands etc etc... but then he started making "Jokes" or light of my sensitivities infront of our friends. BIG OUCHIE. It gave me more pause for thought.... he was definitley not the guy for me. I'd made a mistake.

 

He was not the guy for me because he was not the loving caring individual that I wanted or needed in my life. And he was not the guy for me because he had NO goals for his life, something which I prided myself on. Sooooo.. .. I took from the experience all the posities that I could and moved on.

 

Give yourself room to think. Give yourself room to feel. And if you do not feel you are emotionally ready for a physical relationship... do not do it.. just to make someone else happy. Thats not the way it works. It has to be a mutual thing. Do not worry about losing him... if he loves you and cares for you then he will remain steadfast. If not.... then let it go. It wasnt meant to be. And it certainly would not be YOUR fault. Admitting to yourself and to him that you are not ready.... is a very adult thing to do. And I applaud you on being able to verbalize your feelings and make them known.