i cant get along with my mum, should i admit its over?

[Ren]

Hi,

okay i had a big loud argument with my mum this afternoon, but this is like one of thousands ive had with her in the last 11 years. Ive been through alot, too much to talk about, so naturally i should have underdstanding parents, even my mum. but NO the woman just doesnt get me. Its not rebellion or teenage mood swings, becuase i was never allowed to have them, as my chuildhood was spent looking after my bro and sis from the age of 8. But anyway gettin to the point, me and my mum were really close when i was young, and tho i love my mum to death(maternally) we dont have a proper relationship. emotionally she is very selfish, and tho she says she's grateful for all that ive done to the fam, she still repaetedly abuses me verbally saying stuff like:

"your the reason me and your father's marriage is broken"

"you make me sick"

"your lazy" which i find stupid becuase for the last 11 years ive been there washing, cooking, cleaning, becoming a second mother to HER KIDS!

The list goes on, but i am a senstive person, but somehow i just come up with certain strengths. But today marked a day, i mean i can see it know, me and my mum dont get along anymore. i think it was becuase i wrote this diary when i was 11 which basically poured out all my emotions as child because at the time my mum and dad were constantly bickering and putting me in the middle, it was like "ren go and listin to what your father is saying,(and i did it thinking that they loved me)" and from my dad it was like "so whats your mother been up to" that was happening for a long time until i was 13. and they would both go on at me about bills and there mental pain, and loading that all onto a 8 year old child up until 13 is very difficult. so anyway the diary exsoped alot of my anger toward my mum, i suspected she had an affair after what i saw when i was young,blah blah, anyway she found it, ignored me for a month and told my dad. who at first was angry that i was writting about boys and sex( i only said sexy) then angreeing with me for talking about her attitude. he then kept it, out postit notes in it, and from time to time would refer to bits in it. my mum however ripped bits out of it, which made me and my dad susupicious because it was the detailed bit about her affair. but i remember saying the bitch is back and how i wanted to cut her head with a chain saw. so i got blamed for it, but they didnt understand how humilited i was, you dont take you childs diary, by me writting one, should be a signal that there was a lack of communication, but the blew it way out of proportion! so i think our relationship has just disappeared, my mum is hanginf on to the old Ren, the Ren that was a godd little girl that was housewife and parent counsillor, she refuses to ask herself why, and assume i ruined her life!

so i automatically became closer to my dad when the diary thing happned, it was still kinda like the relationship i had with him before, but as i grew and he got older i bonded with him so much, and finally i had a parent that understood a part of me that i needed to be understood. i mean our relationship made my mum really angry, coz she felt as if i was siding with my dad, but i was bonding.

 

and just when i thought things were going my way, he feel ill, and died 7 months ago. and so the only parent ive got left is the one that i try to talk to that wobnt listen, and continue to hurt me! its always gotta be about her problems, like she's the only one thats suffering!!

 

what the hell am i going to do now, she even said that i should move out seing as ive turned 18, and live on my own. she constantly bit#@** at me in the home,now weve had the argument, and it makes me oh so uncomfortable. ive been under a lot of pressure, just fin exams, gettin results in august, not sure if im goin to uni, mite of messed up in exam s anyway because of my loss?who knows?

 

can someone, anyone help, what am i doing wrong?

[Heretic]

OMG This is the story of my life... well without the diary... and the being a woman... and being the oldest of the three... That and my folks are still together. This one I can easily help with.

 

The thing you need to realize is your parents are treating you this way because you let them. Hey I know you just want to help out as much you can, but it's not really going to do anything for you. You do not want to be where I am with $20,000+ in debts (from school mostly) and your folks owing you 10K+ from money they borrowed when times were tough. That was a stupid thing for me to do. I once paid from my Mom and little brother to goto Europe. I was going myself but I realized if I left no one would take care of the house. I even took down the old fence down in a spare time (which I don't have a lot of) to put up a new one since the old one was rotting.

 

The only way I broke this cycle was being busy. I still live at home but things aren't bad anymore. I basically told them I had a lot of things to do and I couldn't do EVERYTHING at home anymore. That pissed them both off, and they said I couldn't live there anymore then. They pretty quickly changed their minds when they saw how the house collapsed without me. Sure it's was in worse shape for while people tried to figure out how they could help me keep everything fine. The whole family is better off because I had the nerve to stand up for myself.

 

What I need you to think about is what you need. Moving out might just make things worse for you. If you don't think so go for it. Let your folks know you need some time for yourself, but don't yell at them when they yell at you about it. When they ask you to do something and you're busy tell them. If you've made plans tell them. It works. I sware by it.

 

I hope this helps.

[Ren]

omg thank you so much, if you didnt reply or anyone for that matter i wud of gone crazy.

 

my mum is still ignoring me tho, and weve got other things that need sorting out i dunno why she acts like a child.

 

but yeah your right its hard, but only if i allow them.

 

thank you so much,

 

Renx