Selflessness and Selfishness

[freedom]

Here is something for you to think about.

 

When is there a need for one to choose selfishness over selflessness?

 

As we have always been taught to be selfless, to be good, considerate, loving to the ppl that are important to us and to put others before ourselves, we (in general) have been conditioned by our elder generation to limit our self growth.

I, as many of us have given ourselves to the person we love with no holds barred only to be rejected and tossed out without a thought of what we have given up. OURSELVES.

 

People that receive love like this does appreciate it, Love just becomes taken for granted. I was told somewhere that being in love with someone requires you to accept that you will be taken for granted.

 

So the question is,

When is there a need for one to choose selfishness over selflessness?

 

My theory now is that you should never give yourself up in any relationship. Who you are is why the other person is attracted to you. You have to build your character and hold on to it and never give it up. Be selfish not selfless. Never compromise as it is there where others will take you for granted.

 

NOW, why do i sound like a real selfish bastard after saying that? I have gotten 'lost' by not giving myself up but by living someone elses life other then that of my own. My character was not at fault but my wellingness to hld on to what i believe was right and wrong. I suppose it simply says that i have a weak character and that i have to build who i am before i can be selfless.

 

So to conclude, to be able to handle love with its responsibilities, one needs to be selfish with their character. They must never compromise their character to be with someone that doeesnt appreciate their character at face value. Strenght with ones character is what the attraction is all about, if ever the character is lost the relationship is lost.

[Spirits Away]

Interestingly, I thought you didn't know what's the more accurate definition of selfless until i read your last sentence.

it simply says that i have a weak character and that i have to build who i am before i can be selfless

 

After reading that, i thought to myself, no hey, you do get it. You're just confessing that you are not ready to be selfless yet.

[freedom]

It is not whether i am ready to be selfless. It is to share with others out there which have been through this and see that is it not the ex's fault all the time. But to look within and realise that we all have short fallings.

 

There are relationships that we put ourselves through. We use the term "losing ourselves" when in reality we didnt lose ourselves, we gave it up because we werent selfish enough to build and groom our own character whilst in the relationship. We grew lazy and assumed that the 'other half' character will suppport us as a couple. Not so.

[Shadows Light]

Freedom.......... LOL... well said. Well spoken. To be married to someone is to be a "witness" to their existence.... to their life. That means allowing each other to grow.... and there-by growing together.

 

Living someone elses life... I think you do yourself a disservice... but you also do them an injustice... you stunt both your growths. You forget how to "Live" and they never really learn how to on thier own.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Selfless doesn't exist.

The very definition is a contradiction.

Even good deeds are done with some self-interest involved.

If you save a drowning baby it's cuz you are taught that is the right thing to do, the moral thing to do, and you are thus saving yourself from guilt, social consequence and are seeking virtue.

There is only good selfish and bad selfish.

However in any healthy relationship there must be compromise.

[Spirits Away]

There's a chinese proverb that says

"a frog inside a well cannot see anything else but the top"

 

I suggest you leave yourself an open mind. But first step is to understand what selfless is.