Why won't he pick up his stuff??

[Cassyniner]

I hate this--my ex won't come and get his stuff! He sent me an e-mail two weeks ago, saying he would, but no specific time. I gave him times I would not be home so he could do it...Nothing all week. Then again a week ago, an e-mail saying he would pick it up the next day, he didn't. B-4 he moved I gave him a written notice that if he didn't have the stuff all gone on the day he moved, I would charge him storage for up to three weeks, then I would get rid of the stuff and still charge for 3 weeks storage. I am so upset with him for being such a flake about this! I am in no condition physically to move all the stuff out of there, and no condition mentally to take him to court over the money. Hasn't he already made my life difficult enough without putting me through more BS???

[bellamcb]

Is anything worth donating? A few places, like HOPE, will come pick up donations including clothing, furniture, etc.

[Softmoonlight]

I'm sorry to hear that. How much stuff is there? To be honest, I wouldn't be so nice. I'd phone him, say "your stuff is on the lawn, come and get it before it rains" and that would be the end of that.

 

After a certain amount of time, the stuff becomes legally yours, so if he was smart he would come and get it. Obviously he isn't. Maybe phone some sort of legal person and ask? If you don't want it...GARAGE SALE!

 

By the way, you've made a legal/written notice for him, so if you really wanted to, you could start collecting the cash.

[GettingOverIt]

I agree with calling a donation pick-up service to come and get the stuff.

 

Otherwise, do you have relatives or friends that would help you at least the stuff out of your house and put it on the curb for trash pick-up or something?

[Cassyniner]

He has a dining set there, and some misc. videos clothing etc. We are actually having a garage sale with the neighbors next door the day after his 3 weeks are up--I planned it that way on purpose. I guess the biggest fear is having to take him to court for the fees and actually having to SEE him! ARRRGGGHH

[mdandrea]

SELL DAT JUNK!

I would, i need some money right now.

[Cassyniner]

I guess I will go ahead with the plan...but it's hard maintaining NC when he won't get it over with already!! I only responded to the first 2 e-mails, very specifically about the stuff in question. I ignored his saying he was sorry that it ended this way and that he does love me, and stupid chit chat about what he did over the weekend. The last e-mail was last Tues. him asking me to call home and make sure someone would be there. I didn't answer that one at all, simply did as he asked and made the call.

[Dannysgirl]

He's clearly using his stuff as a way of trying to keep a hold of you in his misguided fashion. He thinks that if he messes you around enough with the stuff then you will have time to think about the situation and might change your mind about ending it.

My ex did a similar thing only the other way around, he refused to give my stuff back once I told him it was over and left the house we shared telling him I would pick my stuff up another time as there was a computer, radio, Tv etc. We went to court and he was ordered to pay me 1000 pounds for destroying my clothes and keeping my stuff which unfortunately I never saw.

He was a psycho! Eventually I just said to him on one of his 70 daily phone calls to my mobile phone ' You have no control over me, you have no control over the fact that the relationship has ended. You can't change that and no amount of refusing to give my stuff back will change it.'

 

I eventually got my computer back when his place was raided by the police but that was about all, what a loser.

Anyway in your situation, I think you should do as one of the other posters said and put it on the lawn and tell him to come pick it up. You've given the guy plenty of chances, he's just using this to keep contact.

 

Good luck!

[Cassyniner]

I would agree with you Dannysgirl, except he left me!! He hasn't given me a reason, and actually cried the night before he moved out. WTF?

[Softmoonlight]

Oh I see. But you know, he is still doing it to keep contact then. He wants to keep some evidence of your relationship around to keep you thinking and to keep one foot in the door in case he changes his mind!

 

LOSER!

 

Shawna

[Dannysgirl]

I would agree with you Dannysgirl, except he left me!! He hasn't given me a reason, and actually cried the night before he moved out. *beep*?

 

Oh my God what a total loser! I agree with Softmoonlight. He is either trying to keep his options open seeing as he was the one who ended it and thinks that he now has control over the situation, or he HAS already changed his mind and wants to come back.

 

Question is, do you want him back? If not dump his stuff out in the road and be rid of him once and for all.

 

Good luck!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I aggree with the others. Sometimes men can be really dense this way. I should know, being one. lol If you don't want him back then I'd call him one more time, tell him you're recording the conversation for legal purposes (so you can prove you gave him final warning), give him a day to pick up his stuff, then if he doesn't pick up it up, donate it, sell it or kick it to the curb. You've been more than kind enough, especially since he's the loser who left you.

[gs121]

my ex is doing the same to me, but I don't know what her intentions are. she said she would drop off my stuff a month ago and I"m still waiting. its strict nc and she hasn't made the attempt to get back to me on dropping my stuff off.. I know I should drop the issue and forget it, but its the principle I think, since it is my stuff... any suggestions at this point?

[Cassyniner]

gs121, is there any way you can pick up your stuff yourself? I hate that the issue of THINGS becomes like a big stick they hold over your head, so they can contact you at their convenience. I still love my ex, and I would love to have him back, but there would have to be major changes. We are horrible at communication. I have been reading up on this, and trying to improve myself for me, and possibly some very lucky future man. My first impulse was to just tell the ex that his stuff will be in the driveway Thursday night, and gone for good Saturday. After the reading I have been doing I decided to go with a non-judgemental "I" statement simply telling him what I need. I really don't want to be the bitter physcho ex. Though it would make me feel better temporarily to tell him off, in the long run I know I will feel better about being "a class act." So I sent him an e-mail this morning saying that I know he is very busy, but that I need him to pick up the rest of his stuff. We'll see what happens next.

[Cassyniner]

So ex never got back to me on my e-mail Wednesday, so by Thursday I was peeved, but didn't know what the situation was, maybe he hadn't been at work or whatever. So Thursday morning I sent another brief e-mail, just saying that I was still wondering when he would take care of this. I attached a read reciept request this time, so I would know if he actually got it. He read the e-mail 2 minutes after I sent it, but didn't get back to me until after lunch time. He apologized for not responding sooner, and said unless I'm O.K. with him coming by this weekend it would have to be Monday. I just said Monday would be fine. A couple of things I'm thinking about now, and yes OVERTHINKING...Why would it take him so long to reply to a one-line e-mail? I know the nature of his work is that if he's to busy too reply, he is away from pc, and thereforeeee too busy to read, e-mail. I'm wondering if he is also upset by all this and finding it difficult being in contact with me? Also, when he mentioned coming by this weekend, I guess that must mean he wouldn't have a problem with seeing me. Since I told him that Monday was fine, I gave the message that I do have a problem with seeing him.

[bluejeans]

My ex still has some of my stuff!

I still have a few of his things.

I went by to drop off his pink Floyd t shirt one

night,but no one would answer the door,but people

were there,so I called and left a message to him that

I could no longer take his rude behavior.

He never called to explain,though he knew I might go

by his house to drop off his favorite t shirt that night.

I told him I needed my things. He said I could get them,

but I got to afraid of him and his family and I decided not

to go. My hephew told him I wanted my stuff back,and he

told my nephew that I knew the address and could go get

it,but again,I got too afraid to do it,and I didn't go.

My Nephew had also called him a " B--ch,and yelled at him

on the phone while he was at work. My ex is a cook at a

restaurant,and dish-washer.

What should I do now?