please help me:(

[JamminJamie]

I need some help. My boyfriend (of two and a half years) and I are on the verge of breaking up over a fight that we have very often. For months and months we've been fighting about sex. The fight originally started when I found out that my sister was pregnant. The news really freaked me out about sex, pregnancy and our relationship. I was so freaked out that sex was not appealing to me at the time. My boyfriend noticed a problem and tried to talk to me about it, but this only made me more worried about us. Since the problem was not solved, it became bigger and bigger. I get so worried and worked up about everything that sex is few and far between for us. This greatly frustrates my boyfriend, which causes more fights. The more fights that we have, the more pressured I feel to have sex. Because of how pressured I am and how frustrated my boyfriend is, sex is no longer enjoyable for either of us. It feels forced and no longer something that is wanted by either of us. What can I do to get rid of all this pressure and make sex something enjoyable for us?

[MetallicAguy]

Tell him that it makes you feel pressured and makes you feel uncomfortable about the whole idea.

 

Look when you don't want to have sex with him, it makes him angry because either he's thinking you like another guy, or you don't like him anymore. It's kind of like an insult. But then again him pressuring you may seem like an insult to you.

[QTpie87]

man if he knows you are scared/uncomfortable to be doing that right now he should understand, eh I hate it when people only see things from their point of veiw, at least you are tryign to see his jeeze.

[Strandysmommy]

Explain to him what caused you to be nervous about sex. Tell him you're worried about if you get pregnant. Ask him what would he do, how would he react and all that. If he's a good guy, and genuinley interested in being your boyfriend, he'll understand. I guess from my viewpoint what he should say is the following: "If you got pregnant, I would support you in whatever you decide to do. "

 

That's if he's mature. If he's not mature, he shouldn't be having sex, if you're not willing to accept what can happen if you have sex, then don't do it. Honestly? If this is just a communication error then good, if he's knows you have this concern regarding sex now and doesn't seem to care, then he's a selfish man.

[freedom]

ok..this is my 2 cents worth from what i have read.

you are young and not ready to settle down.

You dont want the burden of having a child right now.

You dont want to be caught in a situation of your child and you not having a family unit..ie husband/father.

You dont want the responsibility of a family unit right now.

BUT you enjoy sex with your partner.

I think by approaching this from knowing what your issues are you might solve your problems.

1. abstain from having sex (which i understand is not what you really want to do)

2. Both of you sit down and talk about responsibilities. like what happens IF you get pregnant? Will he stay round? Will he be responsible? will you guys get married? is abortion and option? Having safer sex? him using a condom and you taking the pill. etc

The whole aim of the discussion is about you feeling secure that you will not fall pregnant at this point of your life. It has to be a trueful discussion. And you will have to find out within yourself what you are fearful of, and finding ways to avoid or minimize the risk. Also have a discussion about what happens if you do get pregnant. It WILL scare you and HIM but i think that is something that you want to know yourself.

 

hope this helps

[southpaw]

Relax, communicate and both of you, stop going to bed angry/disappointed/confused! Do you like oral? Does the pressure phenomenon seem to extend to all sexual activity or just sex?