What causes this or can help?

[adidas7fire]

What do you do when you begin to feel like the person that you are with and love so dearly might not be into you as much as either you are or as much as when you first got together? How do you convince yourself that it's all in your mind and go about your day as though you want to believe otherwise?

[Mr Meh]

You spot a potential rut (as you may have already done) and address it before it becomes a problem. We all sometimes take for granted people we love and forget that they need to know we're still interested in them. Or maybe your fears are true. Either way you have to talk to him.

[Iceman26]

I think you have to ask yourself what it is that is making you feel this way.

[adidas7fire]

I think the problem is that we just bought a new house and I'm afraid of what I see in movies, on TV, and what's reality that he may become interested in someone else and lose interest in me, knowing that he has a place of his own now. But I guess it's mainly my insecurities of having been cheated on before and having a horrific breakup and finding it a bit difficult to not go day by day without keeping my guard up, so to speak.

[Mr Meh]

Yeah I think your insecurities are getting the better of you. If you're projecting this stuff onto him, then that may certainly explain any aloofness on his part.

 

I can't really follow your logic. He doesn't really have a place of his own (especially for cheating purposes) now that you live together in your new house. How does buying a house for you to live in together make him more likely to cheat\find someone else? and for the record I;ve never seen a movie or Tv show in which this scenario occurred.

[Iceman26]

I think the problem is that we just bought a new house and I'm afraid of what I see in movies, on TV.

 

I think it may be time to change the channel from Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives and change it to something else.

 

I wouldnt worry, if he has made such a huge financial investment with you, I am pretty sure thats a good indicator that he is really into you.

[dustinthewind]

hey... i know exactly how you are feeling right now. I have been in almost the exact same position. We are both almost the same age too.

 

when i was 16 my dad left my mom and all my brothers and sisters....we haven;t really seen him since....then my ex bf of 2 years cheated on me....we had a super nasty break up....i know what you mean about your past sort of catching up with you. Because of my past experiences, I am constantly on guard in my new relationship. I have been with a GREAT guy for the past 8 months. FOr the most part things have gone really well.....but...I am still really really insecure that he is going to hurt me or leave me...I guess its almost like I am expecting it to happen, thus sort of cursing my relationship... Its almost like I view it as a time bomb.

 

THe bad thing about this is that I do not completely trust him. He makes friends with girls online who have the sam interests as him. I know he;d never do anythign with them, but it drives me insain.

 

ANyways....I understand what u are saying...its like you look for little things that happened throughout the day..like for instance he didn;t sound completley happy on the phone, or umm....he didn;t email you when he was at work...something completley stupid. But your mind right away jumps to the thought that HE DOESN WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE. and its hard. I am trying to deal with that myself right now. Me and my bf talked and he feels like I need to trust in this relationship, or else it is not going to work. Which is true. So when these little things happen, its so hard for me, because of my past, and the way my mind works, not to let these thoughts occupy my mind....

 

as for advice, I would say talk to him. BUT ONLY DO IT ONCE....say that you just wanted to check in with him, because of the recent move and make sure that everything is going well between the two of you, and ask him if there is anything bugging him, for him to bring it up to you right away...no matter how small.... then just sit back and TRUST> thats the hardest thing for me to do, because there is so much to lose and it is so scary.... but if you look at it another way.....there is so much MORE to lose if you dont trust in your relationship, and in yourself that you deserve this guy, and he loves you.....

 

sometimes the things that scare us,...trusting for example.....are the things that end up meaning the most and are the most worthwhile...

 

good luck

[QTpie87]

depression caused that to happen to me, do you have bad depression?

if so get it treated, I drove away the best relationship I will probably ever have (my first bf a few years ago) by thinking like that when it wasn't true.

[Mr Meh]

Speaking from the other side, I was in a relationship for 10 yrs with someone who ultimately couldn't trust or fully believe (had the guard up) in my love for her. I eventually gave up. as Pink Floyd says:

it's not easy banging your head against some mad bugger's wall....