Update:my ex boyfriend contacts me...

[iamonlyhuman]

My ex contacted IMed me today, for those who don't know we broke up nearly 2months ago and were together 4yrs, I have not contacted him for 1 month straight, in his IM he asked how was work and my short trip to Germany.

He sent me a whole load of emoticions to add to my msn folder, anyway after all the friendly banter, he goes on to say he is no longer with his girlfriend anymore.....

 

Now at this point I am thinking how do I respond to this, so I said well they both suited and I thought that she was his type and he said that wasn't true.

 

Ok so now becasue he is not with his girl anymore he feels he can start looking me up again?? naw, i was tricked once and i won't be tricked twice.! I don't mind alittle friendly convo now and again on msn but thats as far as it goes for me, I dont wana get in to deep, I fear that...

 

Guys whats your take on this, and how do I go about responding to these sudden surprises of interest???

[kenneth05]

are you still interested in this person?

if so, pursue it.

if not, delete him from your IM. Easy as that.

[iamonlyhuman]

I don't know very confused, I have been healing well lately, doing my own thing and basically forgetting about him, then this!!

 

This is how I see it, I do have some feelings still there but I think its best to keep away right now becasue I want to really change my inner self before i jump into something that i might regret later on down the line.

 

He betrayed me with this girl who he is now not with, so i guess i need to consider so much before jumping in head first, I mean it hasn't even crossed my mind to think that i might wana get back with him becasue to be quite honest, I hate him right now and the trust isn't there!

 

Like I said if i feel alright , i will have brief chats with him on msn, only if he initiates it.

[nikhilgore]

Youre absolutely right in thinking that hes testing the waters right now. Also youre absolutely right in wanting to keep away right now since it seems that the only reason youre considering it is since you have some residual feelings. As long as the chats on msn done really affect you then you should just go about life as you were before he contacted you. From what I see it seems like curiosity that is causing you to not block him off msn.

[Iceman26]

Hes looking for some attention to tide him over until his next little conquest comes around. Ignore it and ignore him, unless you liked the heartbreaking he gave you last time.

[annie24]

Ditto to what Iceman said. How much pain do you enjoy? It sounds like he's just a little lonely right now, and you're there and a familiar face, so he'll pass his time until he finds something "better." Don't fall for it. Don't read into anything unless he says the following verbatim: "I love you I miss you Please take me back!"

[newts]

I agree. He has caused you so much pain, do you really want to experience that again? He dumped you! unless he can prove that he is genuine and sincere this time around ignore him. You said you were doing so well, the reason being is this guy has been out of your life. Only you can determine where this relationship will go from here.

[av82]

I agree also...YOU HAVE CONTROL NOW...so protect your heart...and guard it with force. Use this time...as a way to enforce the right thing...that is to not get hurt again. Have him come after you all he wants. Show him you are strong..and you will not have him hurt you. Maybe later down the road he will be able to prove that he deserves your heart again.

[iamonlyhuman]

Hes looking for some attention to tide him over until his next little conquest comes around. Ignore it and ignore him, unless you liked the heartbreaking he gave you last time.

 

Yes I agree Iceman, I am VERY aware of this for real.

 

 

 

Ditto to what Iceman said. How much pain do you enjoy? It sounds like he's just a little lonely right now, and you're there and a familiar face, so he'll pass his time until he finds something "better." Don't fall for it. Don't read into anything unless he says the following verbatim: "I love you I miss you Please take me back!"

 

Totally agree Annie24, thats what I have been telling myself that if he really wants me it will take alot of convincing, friendly banter doesn't mean anything at this point. If he really wants me he knows what he has to say its begins with S and ends with Y.lol, oh yea and what you stated above... other than that he can p*** off!

I don't feel hopeful which I guess is a good sign in healing, and I do feel mentally strong at the moment , I won't let my heart rule my head, and if it starts to feel like that, I know how to stop myself.

 

 

 

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I agree. He has caused you so much pain, do you really want to experience that again? He dumped you! unless he can prove that he is genuine and sincere this time around ignore him. You said you were doing so well, the reason being is this guy has been out of your life. Only you can determine where this relationship will go from here

 

Newts, very true I totally agree. I actually dumped him after finding out and I agree he has caused me alot of pain, when he spooke to me yesterday in the back of my mind I was remembering what he did and what I went through as a result of it.

I won't get anymore friendly if he doesn't know how to say sorry which i haven't heard yet, maybe he thinks what he did was right? or he is saying sorry through being friendly to me??.

Now, I don't have the time to read through the lines and to anaylze whether he is trying to say sorry or not and like nikhilgore said its probably just curiosity, but we will see...I am just gonna stay neutral to all of this and I don't wana give him the opportunity to mess with my head!....

 

 

 

 

 

I agree also...YOU HAVE CONTROL NOW...so protect your heart...and guard it with force. Use this time...as a way to enforce the right thing...that is to not get hurt again. Have him come after you all he wants. Show him you are strong..and you will not have him hurt you. Maybe later down the road he will be able to prove that he deserves your heart again.

 

av82, Yes I agree very constructive advice there, yea I realise I am in a good position now and I will definitely be more careful and guard my heart with force as you put it!..

Maybe later he will prove himself but later could be too late, but If he shows signs of wanting me back, I won't give in, until I feel I am ready(healed fully).

He needs to put some elbow grease and sweat real hard in getting me back before I fall into his arms again and I mean it.

[PlayBrat]

I might be a little evil but what the heck....if he IM's you again, tell him you're with your "b/f..lol or seeing someone else? ...Why not let him think he has some competition? Apparently he thinks you're just sitting around or waiting around for him to throw you a bone....why let him even think that?? People amaze me sometime with their brazen attitudes...

[iamonlyhuman]

haha but didn't you know, I told him I was seeing someone about 3weeks ago when he last called me which I also think lead to his curiosity and suspicion recently, I think he wants to know if I am still with this person(non existent)... looking at this situation at a perspective is funny.

 

Anyway, I am definitely NOT sitting around waiting for him, I have too much self respect and dignity for that,..I have been NATURALLY doing NC by going out, staying at my mates, and generally enjoying life which is the best way.

 

 

As far as I am concerned if he throws a bone, it won't be gettin too far.

 

 

 

 

Apparently he thinks you're just sitting around or waiting around for him to throw you a bone....why let him even think that??

 

He knows I work, thereforeeee I have no time at all to be thinking about him. He thinks I have a man, I have been on holiday and am too busy working to worry about him and now hes hes sniffing around, I am continuing my NC and I am gona limit any convo he intiates in the future or ignore it altogether because I don't know what his motives are....